glittermousebb wrote:I kind of want to rewind about 4 years or so. Back when role playing wasn't so stressful. I was in a really close group of online friends to role play with, the role plays were active, lasting months with countless posts in one day. Sure, I was very, very far from literate, but it was fun. Now my writing is better but I just don't quite get that enjoyment anymore. I stress about getting a form done, stress about what other people think about my writing, stress about what they think of my character, basically stress about getting my writing torn to pieces for grammar or my characters personality being analyzed before I even get a chance to play them. I really think sometimes role playing is taken entirely too seriously.
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Sadly, this.
I'm kind of having a rough time with roleplaying now because it seems anything I do wrong is an excuse to kick me out. I've come to hate forms. I fear owners denying them because they are not good enough, not enriching or long enough, or simply they don't like the personality. I had a couple of characters with mental disorders because I thought I had read enough on the subjects, had had personal experiences with people like that - amongst them shizophrenia and bipolarity - and just wanted to try it out. It's a serious subject, and I thought I was ready to try hard and look everything up, but I was passed as ignorant as of a metaphor I used with one character that I considered had no issues, just a personality I thought was similar to the ever-changing moments in a bipolar person's one.
I am so down. That put me out. I feel as if there's this constant search for flaws, not search for positive traits that a user/person can bring to a roleplay. I feel really discouraged because any feedback I've had from many users has been negative. And there I sit thinking, 'Is it really this bad? Has my rp'ing quality descended so much in the past few months where I took a hiatus? Am I no longer considered a high semi-literate/low literate roleplayer because I have a hard time working forms out and ironing creases from personalities?'
And I must admit, I've looked over all my characters in the past few days, and what have I found? That they all have a streak of Gary-Stu. They are not ugly by my standards, but they have flawed personalities. They are either cold or dramatically two-faced. They might seem perfect, but at that time I tried hard to balance them out.
The problem? I look around, and most of the people have similar charries; pretty faces, wacky personalities. As mentioned before, nobody wants to be left out, so they avoid average physiques and personalities, making sure they either fit into a) brooding handsome person, b) cute jokester that catches everyone's attention, c) awkward girl that is nice when opened up, d) a mix of the all the categories, etc. When you make a character out of the norm they tend to be ignored. So what did I do? I tried to stop making such characters. After all, I do this for fun and I want to interact. If you're being ignored it's hard to post appropriately.
Finally, all I seem to find is negative criticism. Why can't anyone point out my flaws in a less negative manner. If my writing is not to your taste, please tell me so. I would want to know. But I think some people seem to forget that - THOUGH THIS IS THE INTERWEBZ AND THE WORLD IS HARSH ETC ETC!!!111Oneoneone!!1 - behind a random user there is a person. And I suppose I could say people have feelings and being semi-insulted hurts, even though that was not the intention of the user.
Should I be so worried about this whole roleplay problem I've been presented over the past week or so? Yes? No? Probably not; this is a game and I shouldn't take it seriously.
But I do. I really like all the people on CS, especially in the rp'ing community. I want to be at a certain standard and work up, not be pushed down. So I try hard to move on b/c that's what I should do; to improve and progress. But I find that really hard when you don't seem to meet anyone's expectations and solely your flaws are pointed out, not given directions on how to improve // endrant.
