Get FREE PETS! EASY!

[LordDarkMist]

I really like the fast pace. Can't wait to find out What happens next. I love the adopted daughters energy.

[Dawnstorm111]

I really like the fast pace. Can't wait to find out What happens next. I love the adopted daughters energy.

Thanks!!!! I based her off of someone I know. I'll send the pets soon!!

[Darkminnow]

The Scarlet Huntress is a really exotic name, and the Flamebringers being referred to as criminals is very creative. I think that the story will be very exciting, and if it's ever created I would love to read it. I'm also curious to see how the 12-year-old girl discovers her powers, or even runs away, in the first place. It makes me really want to read the story- it's an amazing hook on a story, and I think many people would probably be excited to hear about it or read it.
I can't post on the link you put in the first post, as I don't have an account. Sorry!

[Dawnstorm111]

The Scarlet Huntress is a really exotic name, and the Flamebringers being referred to as criminals is very creative. I think that the story will be very exciting, and if it's ever created I would love to read it. I'm also curious to see how the 12-year-old girl discovers her powers, or even runs away, in the first place. It makes me really want to read the story- it's an amazing hook on a story, and I think many people would probably be excited to hear about it or read it.
I can't post on the link you put in the first post, as I don't have an account. Sorry!

That's alright, I'll still gift you something. I can PM you the story if you'd like.

[Dancing.cinnamon~]

I love the story! I wish it was a little bit longer though..

[Dawnstorm111]

I love the story! I wish it was a little bit longer though..

Thanks! I'm sorry, I only post snippets at a time!

[Darkminnow]

That's alright, I'll still gift you something. I can PM you the story if you'd like.

Would that be alright? It doesn't have to be now if you have something to do, of course. But I would love to read it!

[Bellarocks123a]

For some reason it won't let me post on Wattpad even though I have an account, so I'll leave feedback here <3 I used to work at the writing center in my school so sorry if it's a lot haha <3

This is a fantastic idea. Teens already have enough trouble trying to exist in the world around them as they grow and learn more, adding powers of elements on top of it just amplifies the difficulties of the world so everyone can relate. I love the unique names, they make the story distinguishable. It's not just "Lily" or "Claire", there's thought behind each character's name and their being.

One thing is that this does need a grammar check over. Multiple exclamation marks are good when texting and such to show extreme excitement, but when it comes to stories, it takes away from the value of them. It makes them feel somewhat childish.

Also, in "Outrunning the Demons", you say Geumji quite a lot. My suggestion is to change the first line to "Heart beating faster than a cheetah, legs aching from all her running, Geumji dashed..." etc. You only need to use a character's name once in a sentence so long as they are the only subject of the sentence.

It could also be helpful to describe the scenery a bit more, perhaps take a paragraph to describe the room before it's broken down, more than just the items inside. Describe the feel, is it old and rich? Dark toned? Dry and crisp? The room itself can give a lot of meaning to the events going on, it can help set the mood.

I also agree with Cylence that it is a bit rushed in the beginning. In just four paragraphs, Geumji is running, finds a house to shelter at, and meets a new character. You don't necessarily have to slow it down in terms of her literally running, but perhaps break each paragraph with flashbacks of why she's running. Not totally telling us why, but giving us a hint into why she's running away. Hearing echos of the scared voices of her parents as they realize she's a fire mage, or perhaps her imagining the breath of the Scarlet Huntress on the back of her neck. You don't need to slow the character's actions, just include other things, like thoughts and descriptions, to draw readers in so that they become one with Geumnji.

Hope this helps <3 It's a great start and a great idea so far! I'm actually very surprised there was little grammatical errors, usually most Wattpad stories are full of run on sentences and lack commas. Just little things I'm being picky about lol <3 Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or want me to look over a specific part you're perhaps unsure about or need suggestions to advance!
~Bella

[Phyris]

So the story seems nice with a good plot and you have very well imagery, I loved you describing Aquarius's hair as silver fish but bear with me through some criticism. One exclamation and question mark is enough, there no need to put so many, also at times words are a little too stretch out like 'HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!' and her name is a little over used at times. It's not necessary to have it in one sentence after another, readers will know who you're talking about with a simple 'her' but other than that you have created a really nice story and it has a great attention getter, however it could be longer, starting with her running away bringing the readers to want a flash back. Hope this helps!

[hailpaw]

hey, i left a comment on wattpad! my username is jacquella :)