Oh my stars and garters, hasn't it been a while! Well, I'm back, finally.
Chapters Fifteen and SixteenThere's a couple of things going on here, but the most astonishing is that Fireheart is being the sensible and practical one.
I mean, look at this! He's completely accurate in his arguments. Silverstream's blood will not help her if she's caught breaking the rules (which I forgot to mention how cliche the "daughter of someone important and in love with basically a peasant" thing is), and Greystripe's definitely not going to improve if he sneaks out to see her all the time. The fact that both of these cats are barely warriors (or not, it's really hard to tell how much time is passing) only exacerbates the situation. I don't want to live in a world where Fireheart's the smart one, but by God's mercy, he's right!
Silverstream then says that she loves Greystripe, which is more hilarious than it should be. Maybe it's just because I'm sick of forbidden romances and confessions (which always sound stupid), but something about her yelling "I CAN'T STOP SEEING HIM" and then whispering dramatically "I love him" makes me laugh. Like, okay, Erin, you're setting the standard for forbidden relationships right now, please don't make it painfully cliche.
Fireheart finally realizes that RiverClan didn't want WindClan to return because they're running out of prey and the rabbits were all they had as sustenance, which brings to mind an interesting question: Why didn't Crookedstar outright say this? ShadowClan was openly given time to recuperate once they asked. If RiverClan had just said that they needed more territory to hunt, I'm sure the other Clans would be understanding enough to let them have Sunningrocks or stretch out a little past their borders. A lot of fighting would have been solved if they had just been honest. But drama, I guess.
OH, YOU HAVE
NO IDEA, SILVERSTREAM. YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE.
Fireheart leaves to escape notice, thinking of Princess along the way - good to have Oblivious Hero back - and goes back to camp, where he helps Yellowfang give a kit with whitecough medicine. It's revealed that Bluestar has whitecough as well, which is one of the most minor sicknesses in the books, but because we haven't milked the blood out of this drama cow yet, it's a big ol' deal and super drama fuel for the next scene.
Apparently, through the night, everyone heard about Bluestar being sick, because by the start of the next chapter, they're all crowded around her den waiting for news. Willowpelt even asks Fireheart for information, which is bizarre. Why would Fireheart know anything? Shouldn't she ask the deputy or medicine cat - you know, the one actually working on her? How did you all even get to know that she's sick? And why are you so concerned; it's just whitecough, isn't it-
Ah, whatever. We come to a very dumb scene in a moment; where Tigerclaw attempts to lay a trap to kill Bluestar, but Cinderpaw is the one who ends up crippled. There's a whole lot going on here that needs talking about, so let me lay down exactly what transpires:
- Dustpaw comes in with the report that Tigerclaw needs the leader and only the leader to come to the border.
- Dustpaw insults Fireheart's heritage.
- Yellowfang asks Fireheart to get her some catnip to help Bluestar.
- Dustpaw insists that Bluestar needs to see the evidence of ShadowClan hunting on their border.
- Yellowfang says, and I quote, "The Clan will need protecting while Fireheart is gone!"
- Fireheart runs and gets the catnip, all the while swarmed by memories of his kithood.
- Fireheart returns home and smells Cinderpaw running for the border. He also realizes that Graystripe is gone.
- Cinderpaw is hit by a car just before Fireheart reaches her.
- This being hit is supposed to be a trap for Bluestar, but an apprentice falls into it instead.

So let's get the big one out of the way first - Tigerclaw has the brilliant idea to have Bluestar killed by a monster, therefore keeping his paws clean and the situation easily being written off as an accident. Ignoring that, as far as he knows, Bluestar has several lives left and will come back from anything (presumably as long as her body is still around), that there is no guarantee a monster will be driving along the road at the exact time Bluestar shows up and it's unlikely she'll be stupid enough to be at the perfect spot to be hit, that the entire Clan (and him especially) knows Bluestar is too sick to get out of camp at the moment, that she could just end up crippled like Cinderpaw instead of killed, AND that if Bluestar could get hit, he most definitely could too just by shoving her into traffic or going into the road to finish the job, he overlooked one very big hole in his plan:
Literally every other cat in the Clan.
If it was anyone else (as it is here), the sheer number of variables makes the whole plan not even worth it. If Dustpaw, for example, came back to report and was hit instead, Tigerclaw would have killed someone loyal to him; same with Longtail and Darkstripe. If it was a seasoned warrior, and they survived, they'd possibly be able to tell this was a trap and reported it as soon as they got back, and Fireheart would make sure that this was used as the final nail in the coffin for Tigerclaw. Bluestar herself isn't a guarantee, as I've said, because she has more than one life. And if someone was nearby (like Graystripe or someone important) to see that there wasn't any prey or anything by the road, or that Tigerclaw was positioned suspiciously, then the jig would be up. This is definitely one of the stupidest ideas that Tigerclaw's ever had, and there's a mountain of bad ideas on his part. So much could go wrong, including his own death. Why did he consider this at all?
Moving on, apparently Fireheart is
~sOoOoOo important~ that the Clan will fall apart without him there. The fact that Yellowfang of all cats is saying this makes it particularly embarrassing - isn't she the one that gives him the most crap? What happened there, Erin? That was the one good part of the story so far.
Speaking of, Dustpaw still thinks that talking to his (rankwise) senior like he's still the collared kitty who wandered into camp is a good idea. Sandpaw isn't treating him any worse right now. Is it just because everyone who likes and follows Tigerclaw is a shallow, one-dimensional oppositional stereotype? Probably. I don't expect anything more of them.
Also, Fireheart, quit thinking about your childhood. No one cares. Literally no one. Continuing.
Finally, I have an extraordinarily strong feeling that Cinderpaw was crippled and made a medicine cat so that she'd get out of the way of Fireheart's plot. There's literally no other explanation that makes sense for this chain of events. Bluestar was not once hinted to be sick before this, and then she can't go to see him herself, Tigerclaw's plan makes no sense and feels made up on the fly, Fireheart's sent to do something else so he doesn't fall into it, Graystripe goes missing right when he's needed - all of this created so that Cinderpaw frees up Fireheart to do whatever's needed by the story and Hunter doesn't have to come up with another kit to become Yellowfang's apprentice. When I was younger, I couldn't see it, but now it's painfully obvious.
I mean, I got nothing. The absolute nakedness of this scheme on the part of the writers just makes me want to whack their hands with a ruler, slam a dunce cap on their heads, and send them to the corner, only letting them out of school when they fill up the chalkboard with "I will not make my convenience ploys so apparent".
Or, better yet, "Contrivances and conveniences are dumb and I will not use them anymore."
Up next: Chapter Seventeen.