So, it's been forever, but for anyone who is still interested in these 2.
SkySmoke wrote:
Victoria (Tori) (♀)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nikki(♀)
Its funny how, when looking back, the moments that change your life seem so…well…normal.
Part One Here
Part Two Here
Part Three Here
Part Four Here
Part Five Here
Part Six Here
Part Seven Here
“Excuse me? Do you mind if I sit here?”
I bit my lip as I asked the question. I wouldn’t have normally asked, but it was the only empty seat left on the train, and of course, it required someone else to move for me to get there. He looked up and me and smiled.
“No, not at all. Here, I’ll just scoot over.”
He closed the book he had been reading and I held back as smile when I saw it was my newest one. The one I was traveling to a book signing for. He slid over into the window seat and I took the seat he had been in.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I mumbled as I pulled my headphones up over my ears and settled in for the long ride. Flying would have been faster, but I hated flying and didn’t want to drive, so the train was the next best thing. After a few minutes I felt him gently tap my shoulder. I pulled my headphones down around my neck and looked over at him.
“I’m sorry…I hate to bother you, but…is this you?” He said, shyly pointed to my picture of the back cover of the book. I blushed as I nodded.
“Yep, that’s me.”
“Wow…I…my name is Kent. It’s…I’m…its an honor to meet you.”
“I’m Nikki…but…you already know that because…my name is on the cover.”
After a moment of awkward silence we both laughed.
“Right. I do know your name, but there isn’t really another way to respond to that greeting. Can I just say, your first book was astounding.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I know Oreia and Lizzy’s relationship was based on a personal relationship of yours, and I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Again…thank you.”
“Your book…I lost my wife to cancer about a month before it came out…you have no idea how much it helped me. Seriously.”
“I’m glad, and I’m sorry to hear about your wife.”
“Thank you. I was so excited when your second book came out. I love it too. How did you come up with the idea?”
“A dream I had…about her.”
“Wow…its just…amazing. The fact that Jason looses Tara…but then she’s there for him during the most important times in his life, thru his dreams. Even when he remarries and has kids, she always shows up just when he needs her the most. It makes you wonder…is she in his dreams or does she really come visit him…you know, like her spirit? Or is it neither and he’s just turned that little voice we all have into her.”
I smile as he discusses the book with so much animation. He pauses to think for a minute, then turns to me.
“Which is it anyways?”
“Oh, that’s up to you to interpret.”
“Do you dream about her often?” He asked quietly.
“No, just the one.”
“I dream about my wife a lot. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
I nod in agreement. My dream about Tori had been amazing because, for a moment, it was like being with her again. For a while though, it had made missing her that much harder to deal with. In a way it was like losing her all over again.
“I mean…its great to see her again…you know….kind of. But sometimes it feels like I’m losing her all over again.”
“Exactly.”
He was lost in his own thoughts again for a moment, then shook his head as if to clear them.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you will all of this. I just…recognized you from the cover and had to tell you how much your books have helped me.”
“I don’t mind at all. I’m glad they have helped someone. It was very therapeutic for me to write them, so I’m glad reading them provides the same type of comfort for people.”
“Would you mind…signing it?”
“Not at all…but…is it okay if I do it at the end of the ride? I have this thing about people reading what I write to them in front of me.”
“That’s fine.”
He smiled at me and we ended up talking for the majority of the train ride. As I listened to him talk about his wife and her battle for cancer it surprised me how easy it was to talk to him. I hadn’t talked to anyone this openly in the two years since Tori had died. He did most of the talking, but I was actually interested in what he had to say and responding was easy. I enjoyed our conversation and found myself a little sad when the train ride came to an end. I took his copy of my book from him and scrawled a quick note on the inside of the front cover:
Kent,
Strangers on a train is such a cliché, but sometimes it works. Thank you for the interesting conversation, and for sharing your wife’s story with me. She sounds like a brave woman. Keep looking for comfort in your dreams, its okay to find it there.
~Nikki
I closed the cover and handed the book back to him. He smiled shyly as he took it and handed me a piece of paper.
“Thank you…for the autograph…and the company. I’m not usually so forward…and I don’t…but…I enjoyed talking to you. That’s my number if you ever want to…call. It was nice meeting you.”
“Thanks, it was nice meeting you too.”
I took the paper with his phone number and put it in my pocket as I walked off the train with Tori’s voice in my head, “Please…if you find anyone else…”
“You don’t mind if I sit here, right?” I whispered quietly to myself, not bothering to slow the tears that were rolling down my face as I sat in the grass next to her grave. I didn’t come here often, I didn’t really feel like I needed to, but recently everything seemed to be spinning out of control and she had always been my rock.
I sighed and ran my fingers though the grass as I talked quietly. I knew I didn’t have to speak out loud, but somehow it made it more real.
“Everything is so weird without you Tori. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know you’d be mad at me. Or annoyed at least. Its been two and a half years and I still can’t get over you. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get over you. I dreamed about you ya know? It was hard..but amazing at the same time. It was so vivid, it was like you were back for a little while. You told me that it was okay if I found someone else. For a little while I thought I had. His name was Kent. I met him on a train.”
I laughed as I said it, realizing that it sounded like a book cliché. I was quiet for a while as I thought about my short relationship with Kent. There were still times when I wondered about my decision to break up with him. It had been hard. I had liked him, a lot, but when it came right down to it, he wasn’t her.
“Is it fair for me to expect someone else to live up to you?” I whispered, my train of thought drifting seamlessly from unspoken to spoken the way it often did when I was here. “I mean, am I always going to compare people to you? If I am…then no one should bother because no one can be you. No one could come close. I just…don’t know what to do anymore. The only time I feel somewhat okay is when I’m writing or talking about the books and that’s because the books, my writing, the interviews. They are all about you. I can’t be okay without you…”
My mind drifted back to the day I had broken up with Kent. We had been dating for a few months and I could tell he wanted to take the relationship to the next level. A more serious level, the level that required commitment and I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready. I had been honest with him, and he said he understood. I’m sure he did but it didn’t help me feel any less guilty about the crushed look on his face as he had left. I knew I was his first relationship since he had lost his wife, and he knew he was mine since I had lost Tori; it was a fact that had made ending things with him that much harder. I sighed heavily as I laid down on my back staring at the sky.
“I just wish you were here to tell me what to do, how to fix it. You were always good at that. I miss you so much. Just the little things. Waking up alone. Not having anyone to curl up next to on the couch at night. Hell, I even miss waiting up for you when I knew you were on a tough case. I’d give anything for just one more day, even though I know one more day would never be enough.”
I let my thoughts trail off into silence and just laid there for a while watching the clouds roll by. I never brought flowers or anything to leave. She already had my heart; I didn’t need to leave anything else. Even though I never brought anything, there were usually flowers there. I assumed it was someone from the FBI either leaving them or having them sent.
I lost track of how long I laid there, lost in my own thoughts, oddly calm considering the past few months had been an emotional whirl wind. My serenity was broken by a car door closing. I sat up and shielded my eyes from the sun to see Duncan walking towards me.
“Hey Nikki, I didn’t expect to see you here.” He called quietly.
“I don’t come much…I probably should…but….”
“Everyone heals in their own way.” He smiled softly as he replaced the wilting bouquet of flowers with a new one and then sat down in the grass across her grave from me. “I come one a week or so, sometimes less, sometimes more, it just depends.”
“How have you been?”
“I’m…okay. I took a few months off after…and coming back was hard. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do it. I am determined to catch the bastard that did this Nikki.”
“I thought he died in the fire?”
“He did, but the guy who runs the international ring, didn’t. Someone needs to pay”
“Duncan…don’t get lost in it, please? She wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want someone else to die over it….she wouldn’t want your family to go through that.”
“I know…I just…wish it could have ended differently, ya know?”
“I do.”
We sat in comfortable silence for a while and then he stood up to leave. He offered me his hand.
“I’ll walk you out?”
“Nah, I’m gonna sit for a few more minutes. This is the calmest I’ve been in a while, I’m not quite ready to leave.”
“Alright. Take care of yourself Nikki, it was good seeing you. Please, if you need anything, even if its just to talk, call me?”
“Thanks Duncan.”
I watched him get in his car to leave. Then I watched his car drive away until I couldn’t see it anymore. Then, even though I hadn’t planned to, I sat until the sky was the purple gray color of twilight. I stood up and winced at how stiff my knees were, then left without looking back.
I bit my lip as I asked the question. I wouldn’t have normally asked, but it was the only empty seat left on the train, and of course, it required someone else to move for me to get there. He looked up and me and smiled.
“No, not at all. Here, I’ll just scoot over.”
He closed the book he had been reading and I held back as smile when I saw it was my newest one. The one I was traveling to a book signing for. He slid over into the window seat and I took the seat he had been in.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I mumbled as I pulled my headphones up over my ears and settled in for the long ride. Flying would have been faster, but I hated flying and didn’t want to drive, so the train was the next best thing. After a few minutes I felt him gently tap my shoulder. I pulled my headphones down around my neck and looked over at him.
“I’m sorry…I hate to bother you, but…is this you?” He said, shyly pointed to my picture of the back cover of the book. I blushed as I nodded.
“Yep, that’s me.”
“Wow…I…my name is Kent. It’s…I’m…its an honor to meet you.”
“I’m Nikki…but…you already know that because…my name is on the cover.”
After a moment of awkward silence we both laughed.
“Right. I do know your name, but there isn’t really another way to respond to that greeting. Can I just say, your first book was astounding.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I know Oreia and Lizzy’s relationship was based on a personal relationship of yours, and I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Again…thank you.”
“Your book…I lost my wife to cancer about a month before it came out…you have no idea how much it helped me. Seriously.”
“I’m glad, and I’m sorry to hear about your wife.”
“Thank you. I was so excited when your second book came out. I love it too. How did you come up with the idea?”
“A dream I had…about her.”
“Wow…its just…amazing. The fact that Jason looses Tara…but then she’s there for him during the most important times in his life, thru his dreams. Even when he remarries and has kids, she always shows up just when he needs her the most. It makes you wonder…is she in his dreams or does she really come visit him…you know, like her spirit? Or is it neither and he’s just turned that little voice we all have into her.”
I smile as he discusses the book with so much animation. He pauses to think for a minute, then turns to me.
“Which is it anyways?”
“Oh, that’s up to you to interpret.”
“Do you dream about her often?” He asked quietly.
“No, just the one.”
“I dream about my wife a lot. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
I nod in agreement. My dream about Tori had been amazing because, for a moment, it was like being with her again. For a while though, it had made missing her that much harder to deal with. In a way it was like losing her all over again.
“I mean…its great to see her again…you know….kind of. But sometimes it feels like I’m losing her all over again.”
“Exactly.”
He was lost in his own thoughts again for a moment, then shook his head as if to clear them.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you will all of this. I just…recognized you from the cover and had to tell you how much your books have helped me.”
“I don’t mind at all. I’m glad they have helped someone. It was very therapeutic for me to write them, so I’m glad reading them provides the same type of comfort for people.”
“Would you mind…signing it?”
“Not at all…but…is it okay if I do it at the end of the ride? I have this thing about people reading what I write to them in front of me.”
“That’s fine.”
He smiled at me and we ended up talking for the majority of the train ride. As I listened to him talk about his wife and her battle for cancer it surprised me how easy it was to talk to him. I hadn’t talked to anyone this openly in the two years since Tori had died. He did most of the talking, but I was actually interested in what he had to say and responding was easy. I enjoyed our conversation and found myself a little sad when the train ride came to an end. I took his copy of my book from him and scrawled a quick note on the inside of the front cover:
Kent,
Strangers on a train is such a cliché, but sometimes it works. Thank you for the interesting conversation, and for sharing your wife’s story with me. She sounds like a brave woman. Keep looking for comfort in your dreams, its okay to find it there.
~Nikki
I closed the cover and handed the book back to him. He smiled shyly as he took it and handed me a piece of paper.
“Thank you…for the autograph…and the company. I’m not usually so forward…and I don’t…but…I enjoyed talking to you. That’s my number if you ever want to…call. It was nice meeting you.”
“Thanks, it was nice meeting you too.”
I took the paper with his phone number and put it in my pocket as I walked off the train with Tori’s voice in my head, “Please…if you find anyone else…”
“You don’t mind if I sit here, right?” I whispered quietly to myself, not bothering to slow the tears that were rolling down my face as I sat in the grass next to her grave. I didn’t come here often, I didn’t really feel like I needed to, but recently everything seemed to be spinning out of control and she had always been my rock.
I sighed and ran my fingers though the grass as I talked quietly. I knew I didn’t have to speak out loud, but somehow it made it more real.
“Everything is so weird without you Tori. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know you’d be mad at me. Or annoyed at least. Its been two and a half years and I still can’t get over you. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get over you. I dreamed about you ya know? It was hard..but amazing at the same time. It was so vivid, it was like you were back for a little while. You told me that it was okay if I found someone else. For a little while I thought I had. His name was Kent. I met him on a train.”
I laughed as I said it, realizing that it sounded like a book cliché. I was quiet for a while as I thought about my short relationship with Kent. There were still times when I wondered about my decision to break up with him. It had been hard. I had liked him, a lot, but when it came right down to it, he wasn’t her.
“Is it fair for me to expect someone else to live up to you?” I whispered, my train of thought drifting seamlessly from unspoken to spoken the way it often did when I was here. “I mean, am I always going to compare people to you? If I am…then no one should bother because no one can be you. No one could come close. I just…don’t know what to do anymore. The only time I feel somewhat okay is when I’m writing or talking about the books and that’s because the books, my writing, the interviews. They are all about you. I can’t be okay without you…”
My mind drifted back to the day I had broken up with Kent. We had been dating for a few months and I could tell he wanted to take the relationship to the next level. A more serious level, the level that required commitment and I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready. I had been honest with him, and he said he understood. I’m sure he did but it didn’t help me feel any less guilty about the crushed look on his face as he had left. I knew I was his first relationship since he had lost his wife, and he knew he was mine since I had lost Tori; it was a fact that had made ending things with him that much harder. I sighed heavily as I laid down on my back staring at the sky.
“I just wish you were here to tell me what to do, how to fix it. You were always good at that. I miss you so much. Just the little things. Waking up alone. Not having anyone to curl up next to on the couch at night. Hell, I even miss waiting up for you when I knew you were on a tough case. I’d give anything for just one more day, even though I know one more day would never be enough.”
I let my thoughts trail off into silence and just laid there for a while watching the clouds roll by. I never brought flowers or anything to leave. She already had my heart; I didn’t need to leave anything else. Even though I never brought anything, there were usually flowers there. I assumed it was someone from the FBI either leaving them or having them sent.
I lost track of how long I laid there, lost in my own thoughts, oddly calm considering the past few months had been an emotional whirl wind. My serenity was broken by a car door closing. I sat up and shielded my eyes from the sun to see Duncan walking towards me.
“Hey Nikki, I didn’t expect to see you here.” He called quietly.
“I don’t come much…I probably should…but….”
“Everyone heals in their own way.” He smiled softly as he replaced the wilting bouquet of flowers with a new one and then sat down in the grass across her grave from me. “I come one a week or so, sometimes less, sometimes more, it just depends.”
“How have you been?”
“I’m…okay. I took a few months off after…and coming back was hard. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do it. I am determined to catch the bastard that did this Nikki.”
“I thought he died in the fire?”
“He did, but the guy who runs the international ring, didn’t. Someone needs to pay”
“Duncan…don’t get lost in it, please? She wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want someone else to die over it….she wouldn’t want your family to go through that.”
“I know…I just…wish it could have ended differently, ya know?”
“I do.”
We sat in comfortable silence for a while and then he stood up to leave. He offered me his hand.
“I’ll walk you out?”
“Nah, I’m gonna sit for a few more minutes. This is the calmest I’ve been in a while, I’m not quite ready to leave.”
“Alright. Take care of yourself Nikki, it was good seeing you. Please, if you need anything, even if its just to talk, call me?”
“Thanks Duncan.”
I watched him get in his car to leave. Then I watched his car drive away until I couldn’t see it anymore. Then, even though I hadn’t planned to, I sat until the sky was the purple gray color of twilight. I stood up and winced at how stiff my knees were, then left without looking back.
End of part Eight (Yes, there will be more). The whole story is also posted in my writing thread (link in sig)
