New Rule: DNI (Do Not Interact) Lists are Banned

[stormy tom]

I'm struggling to understand why this rule was necessary to add......... while i do understand that you dont want triggering content on a website for kids, dni lists shouldnt be the target of that as they exist to protect users rather than to harm others. a lot of people including myself make dnis so we can feel safe and so i dont get triggered by anything?? so whats the point of not allowing those?

We have a detailed bullet-point list of reasons on the front page.

i understand that and i read the bullet point list, and i understand the mods are just looking out for everyones safety and im not trying to criticize anyone here but there are certain things i need to list in a dni for my own mental health so..? im just not sure where to go from there.
it seems a few other people in this topic have this same issue too

I think this hinges on people conjuring context within a conversation. If a particular topic (one that is not already ban-able, such as a particular fandom) bothers you, then the likelihood of it coming up in regular conversation if you don't actively look for it is fairly low. And even if it does, that's part of engaging with the world. I understand that it's not always as easy as saying 'hey, this [topic] really bothers me, can we please not talk about it?', but if it's that distressing to have that topic sprung on you, then that's really on you to take a step back and seek help. This site should be a safe place for everyone, but there does come a point where your safety becomes your responsibility. Just as it would be when conversing irl.
Engaging with other people shouldn't have to involve listing pre-requisites (beyond, of course, being generally respectful). We learn about other people's boundaries as we speak with them. As mentioned by other users, there are ways to block certain words from appearing if your triggers are prolific, or innocuous to other people.
A DNI is just not a sustainable or effective way of dealing with anxiety or avoiding triggers.

[Lacuna]

sup, i have a question to ask on the behalf of others:

- is saying "dni" in general okay? for example, if a user does not want to interact with anyone at a given moment. this could also be "no DMs" "do not message me". however this would not discriminate by a specific group or interest etc.

thanks!

Please adjust your board settings so users cannot PM you if you do not want to receive messages. If you don’t want people to talk to you on the forums, don’t post on the forums.

[Michael's Fan.]

As someone who has been on the internet for 10+ years...

The internet is NOT a safe place/space. Even in sites meant to be kid/family friendly there can be people behaving inappropriately. No matter how strict the rules are, or how attentive the mods are, you are always at risk of viewing inappropriate or triggering content. For minors the assessment of this risk comes down to the minor and their guardian.

For adults (and I'd even argue soon-to-be legally adults), you must be responsible for yourselves. If a having a certain trigger/word/fandom causally mentioned causes you intense emotions, please get help. Forums, unless ran by trained professionals or certified organizations, ARE NOT A PLACE TO SEEK MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT!

Some people in this thread have already listed a bunch of awesome resources for mental health help. While they may not be perfect, they are definitely less harmful than trying to get help on the internet and potentially revealing identifying information that others could use to harm you.

And yes, people have mentioned that therapy takes time and people are vulnerable during recovery. In that case, please speak to your mental health provider about how best to handle potential triggers on the internet. Only you can be responsible for your mental health. If you don't like someone because of their views or you find them annoying? Block them.

Be kind and courteous everyone.

Agreed completely. Like I said earlier, the internet, and especially the WORLD, will not cater to every single trigger on the planet. It's just how it is. If red was triggering to someone, every single person with red in their profile would not remove it. It is quite impossible to do that for everyone. And I have common "triggers" I guess you could say, but if I'm putting myself on the internet, it is my responsibility beyond that point. I'm putting myself in a place to where I could see so much content of a certain subject, but I deal with it. I am not everyone else's responsibility.

The wise thing to do if you have a rare trigger, or something that is common trigger you, don't put yourself into a place to where you could see it all the time. Either block the people with it on their profiles, or maybe this site isn't for you.


And if you are an adult and don't want minors to interact with you on here, on a majority minor website, that makes no sense. You cannot be here and expect no kid to ever interact with you. There are other websites for that, and adult places on the internet. This is not one of them.

[ⰩⰏⰛ]

sup, i have a question to ask on the behalf of others:

- is saying "dni" in general okay? for example, if a user does not want to interact with anyone at a given moment. this could also be "no DMs" "do not message me". however this would not discriminate by a specific group or interest etc.

thanks!

Please adjust your board settings so users cannot PM you if you do not want to receive messages. If you don’t want people to talk to you on the forums, don’t post on the forums.

oh apologies, i should have mentioned, i mean for off-site like discord! is it okay for users to use the term "dni" or "no messages" etc off-site?

[Snow's Storm]

As someone who has been on the internet for 10+ years...

The internet is NOT a safe place/space. Even in sites meant to be kid/family friendly there can be people behaving inappropriately. No matter how strict the rules are, or how attentive the mods are, you are always at risk of viewing inappropriate or triggering content. For minors the assessment of this risk comes down to the minor and their guardian.

For adults (and I'd even argue soon-to-be legally adults), you must be responsible for yourselves. If a having a certain trigger/word/fandom causally mentioned causes you intense emotions, please get help. Forums, unless ran by trained professionals or certified organizations, ARE NOT A PLACE TO SEEK MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT!

-snip-

I agree with your post completely. I think this is a good rule. To add my thoughts, I understand the reason some people like DNI lists: they give the illusion of safety and make you think you're controlling and censoring who interacts with you. The internet is not a safe place and you are not in control... that's the reality of it. Many people are kind to everyone and don't need to/won't read DNI lists because they don't intentionally hurt others. The key word there being intentionally... someone may accidentally trigger someone else, and while that situation sucks, they didn't mean it. And unfortunately, the world will not censor your triggers... you have to learn to manage them. I'm not saying that to be mean; I have triggers of my own that I live with every day. But you have to learn to cope with them, and advertising them to a bunch of people you don't know is not the best way to go about that.

People that are really out to harm others (and there are some of those on CS... there are people like that everywhere) may use DNI lists as leverage and specifically say things to you that they pulled from those lists because they think you're wrong/it's fun to pick on you/whatever their terrible reason is. So it's better to just not provide them with that ammo.

[Lacuna]

sup, i have a question to ask on the behalf of others:

- is saying "dni" in general okay? for example, if a user does not want to interact with anyone at a given moment. this could also be "no DMs" "do not message me". however this would not discriminate by a specific group or interest etc.

thanks!

Please adjust your board settings so users cannot PM you if you do not want to receive messages. If you don’t want people to talk to you on the forums, don’t post on the forums.

oh apologies, i should have mentioned, i mean for off-site like discord! is it okay for users to use the term "dni" or "no messages" etc off-site?

I believe discord also has settings to control who can send you DMs. If you don’t want someone to contact you on another site, don’t link to it.

[ranuncudahlia]

sup, i have a question to ask on the behalf of others:

- is saying "dni" in general okay? for example, if a user does not want to interact with anyone at a given moment. this could also be "no DMs" "do not message me". however this would not discriminate by a specific group or interest etc.

thanks!

Please adjust your board settings so users cannot PM you if you do not want to receive messages. If you don’t want people to talk to you on the forums, don’t post on the forums.

oh apologies, i should have mentioned, i mean for off-site like discord! is it okay for users to use the term "dni" or "no messages" etc off-site?

On things like Discord, I'm a moderator for a (not related at all to CS) discord group, as well as admin, and we have some folks who have a separate account for situations like this. They'll log out of the main account (which has open DM settings) and login to the other one (which has "friends-only" settings). That way, if they're in a mental state or period in life where they don't want to deal with DMs, they can be able to interact with the server still without getting DMs. Alternatively, you can do the same thing if you only want DMs from friends, and just make sure not to join any servers with the alternate account and just explain you're taking a break from the server and won't be online for a while.

[styx2749]

Sorry if someone already asked this question; I don't have time to read through all the pages. I still don't understand what a DNI list is. Could someone explain it in a different way than how it is explained in the posting for the new rule?

Thanks!

[raccoon bandit]

love this new rule, mostly because of the aforementioned reasons! I do believe that a lot of the younger people on this site have grown up with less education on internet safety as us older people have, as technology has gradually taken over much of the schooling/general past time sphere.
I would also like to point out to a lot of the people that are having trouble wrapping their heads around this that this isn't a website, like Twitter or Tumblr where a DNI list would be a practical way to orient a safe space for you on your profile. On websites like those, you can customize your experience, follow people that you feel safe and comfortable following, and have your entire feed be things that make you feel happy and remain untriggered. However, on a forum site like this, it's nearly unavoidable to enter the forums and not have the possibility of seeing content that might trigger you, particularly if you have a lot of triggers. Since you can't control who posts where, what you see, who replies so on and so forth, a DNI list is essentially useless in this application. It does more harm than good to put out all your private information into the world for potentially malicious people to see, and, in addition, doesn't necessarily mean that anyone will even read it, good intentions or not.
Additionally, even in my peak of activity on chickensmoothie (which, as you can tell from my post count, was a lot), it wasn't common that people would interact with me through DM's or trades (less than 5 times a week), and the people I would interact with on forums were interactions that I personally sought out. The threat of people interacting with you and accidentally triggering you I would say is much less than the threat of a malicious person having all of your triggers and dislikes. This is also coming from the perspective of someone with a few triggers, we all have them.

Sorry if someone already asked this question; I don't have time to read through all the pages. I still don't understand what a DNI list is. Could someone explain it in a different way than how it is explained in the posting for the new rule?

Thanks!

Do not interact list, basically a list asking for users to not interact with you via messages or forum posts if their profile/beliefs align a certain way c: i.e. DNI if you have a profile with spiders, etc.

[Becah]

Quite honestly, I didn't even know people used DNI:s even for sending trades. Checking DNI:s before trading have never even crossed my mind, so I might have unintentionally ignored them even if they applied to me. Tbh this applies even in the forum, I don't pay much attention to people's banners and sometimes I don't even have them turned on so I don't often notice DNI links. I've never had an issue with anyone on here though so idk?

All in all I agree with this decision. The most I've seen DNI lists being used for is to bully people for their triggers (outside of CS). I have a very specific phobia that I would never post online since everyone here are strangers and I have no idea what you'll do with that information. It also feels very personal and it's not something I feel comfortable talking about unless I trust someone. I tell my friends and family about it so they will know what to avoid when talking to me, but that's it. If I get accidentally triggered online I step away and use the tools I've learned in therapy to de-escalate. The thought of having people read such personal information about me online makes me feel kinda paranoid, but maybe I'm too old to understand the appeal lol.

I think many people have come with good arguments in this thread. I specifically agree with the person who said that they have been triggered from other people's DNI lists. While I haven't been triggered by this personally, I have found myself feeling very uncomfortable after reading some lists that states graphic stuff or mentions people that I'd much rather not read about. While I understand the appeal of such lists I don't personally see anything good in them.