[trans]

i feel like everything i do is meaningless and despite my attempts to reach out to people, i still am unlikable. i feel like i mean nothing to anyone and no one actually wants me around, and nothing could ever convince me otherwise. i want to leave, but there's nowhere to go, and no one else seems to care. i could kick and scream for hours and no one would Really listen because even i dont understand and sometimes i wish i didnt feel at all because i hate having emotions most of the time,,, i just want someone to talk to but it feels like there's no one out there who really wants to be friends. the people i call my friends are great but we never really do anything together or talk or even interact much outside of group chats and i guess that's mostly my fault but it still sucks because i see them hanging out with other people and maybe im just envious and a bit jealous because i dont want to be left behind but it still sucks seeing everyone around u having fun and laughing and having a good time with friends and dating and going places when i just feel like a shadow among my peers no matter how hard i try to be something other than a ghost. i could go on for hours but im too tired to keep writing anymore or think abt my feelings anymore atm hhhh