(☼) claim your weapon - kalon 1450 tryout dnp

[76heart]

2,455 words

xxxNo, she couldn't, she wasn't that heartless, it wasn't worth it. She didn't like the idea of them getting away with the coin she had earned, but what if they needed it more than she did? They were kits after all, what if they were starving and needed it to get something to eat? What if their past and history was not unlike her own, and they were alone, and suffering, and in need of something to eat, or some place to stay? If their stories were anything like what hers once was, she could understand why they took her gold, why they stole it. If she had been in their situation, when she was a child, she would have stolen the gold, and anything else that she could carry. Everything was important, and so valuable, an would be to someone even if it wasn't to her. As a child she had learned that finding the right buyer for the right thing meant more coin, and she learned how to navigate vendors well, how to see what they would each hold in their own esteem, as a grand prize. If they were learning that too, she hoped her coin served them well. She had taken her job to help souls like herself, kits lost and alone with no one to go to, homes without hearts, and if they were in the situation she was trying to prevent by taking out those who caused it, who she she to chase after them, and take it back? She had plenty more, thousands more actually, she didn't need it. Besides, it was her fault for leaving it out in the open, and in view of everyone else in the world. Any respectable thief with eyes and a brain would have tried to steal it, life filled with strife or not; she should have known better. it was no fault but her own, and she only had herself to blame. She could go without it, and if the two needed it more than she, it was happily theirs.

- 3,490

tavern song

xxxShe had made her choice though, so she supposed she should be done with it, and move on, and focus on the previous plans she had had for the day, staying here awhile, and letting herself relax. Wadjet and Naja silently slid back out from their side of her packs, and gently slithered along her back, coming to wrap loosely around her neck their constricting grip gentle, and relaxing. Their tongues rapidly tasted the air, and their heads seemed to naturally migrate over to her glass of mead. With a start, she realized that they were probably incredibly thirsty after the day they had had, and she promptly waved the young lady from before over.
xxx"Could I get a glass of water, if that's alright? I'll get the coin out in a moment." Nubia requested, watching the girl hopefully. She gave a cheery smile, and a nod.
xxx"Of course, I'll be only a moment!" There she went skipping away again, as Nubia used that moment to pull two coins of payment from the small coin purse she always carried with her. She was a frugal type, she never really needed much.
xxx"Here you go, m'lady. I hope you and your slithering friends enjoy!" Chirped the girl, giving another smile as she placed the glass gently before the snakes who eagerly investigated this new dish.
xxx"Thank you. Oh! You're not bothered by the snakes?" Nubia blinked, and regarded the girl with her head tilted to the side. Most normally showed some sign of fear, or horror at the presence of Wadjet and Naja, a two-headed snake the color of gold with ruby red, and ocean turquoise eyes, but this young girl, had not so much as flinched, and seem anything but cheerful and excited.
xxx"Oh of course not m'lady, we get all sorts of creatures here in Ai Saiden, especially here in the market district. All sorts. This charming darling is one of the more tame I've seen, and served."
xxx"What other sorts of creatures have you seen?" Nubia's held tilted to the side, and she regarded the girl curiously. She liked animals, and never before had she visited a tavern that mentioned the number of them they had served.
xxx"Oh we've gotten some large cats, even a bear once. I've seen some strange horses, weird cats and dogs with purrs like broken cartwheels, a couple large snakes, usually pitch black all throughout, and even a scorpion."
xxx"Did you say a scorpion?" She could feel her face light up.xxx"Yes m'lady, you like them I gather? It was one of the black ones, bigger than I ever thought they could be. It was very calm. Scared a lot of patrons, but I liked it, as did it's master, and it liked it's master. I don't know if scorpions can feel things like that, but there was some bond between them." She began to clean a glass as she continued on, Nubia's smile growing more as she listened.
xxxNubia utterly adored scorpions, for reasons she did not quite know, and to hear that someone had one, and brought it here, and had a connection with the kalon in which it shared it's life with, gave her a wild smile, and made her happy enough that she didn't even realize she was having a conversation like someone normal would, like most did. Animals were something she loved, and it helped to talk about them, if she needed to start something, though she hadn't realized that yet. She never knew quite how to interact with others, based on the daily interactions she saw every one around her do, and talking usually meant she had to let down her guards, which she hated to do, which was probably a good side to her not realizing that she had been happily conversing with this young girl for the past several hours, eagerly listening to all the stories she had to tell about the vast array of creatures that had come into the tavern throughout the years the girl had been working there. She was older than Nubia had expected, with such a bright cloud of youth surrounding her, but that didn't matter, she was lovely to speak with, so lovely to chat with, that the hours turned into the rest of the daylight, and when they finally finished speaking, it was time for her to go.

xxxWhen she exited the tavern at long last, she found herself instinctively looking upward at the sky, which she had to squint in the darkness to clearly see. She had spent longer than she had intended inside, it appeared. It felt like she had only been speaking with the girl for a few mere hours, how had she spent the entirety of the remaining daylight talking? Time never flew by like that for her when she was chatting with another, it simply didn't. That didn't really mean anything now though, as it had already happened, and she could not go back and reverse time to change it. She should probably go and find somewhere to sleep, before the darkness completely filled her vision, and she was completely alone in the streets, without even another soul to ask where to go.
xxxWithout waiting another moment, she began to go back the way she came, remembering seeing an inn in that direction as she searched for the tavern, until she was stopped, by something she had not expected to hear. An unfamiliar voice, calling her name. How was that possible? It didn't seem possible. She froze, visibly stiffening.
xxx"Nubia?" It was a male voice, one that sounded gruff and older, and it's owner knew her name. How was that possible? Was it a new contact already? No, that couldn't be it, they never did it this late, or like this, they wouldn't dare risk speaking aloud a name, so who was he? How did he know who she was?
xxx"Who said that? Who's there?" Nubia called, spinning in a slow circle, trying to find where the voice was coming from.
xxx"I did, over here!" Nubia turned.
xxxThere was a figure in a small alley right next to the inn, dimly illuminated by the light of a street torch, it's flickering flames jostling the light and casting and eerie orange glow upon his fur in the darkness.
xxx"Who are you?" Nubia demanded, a deep frown creasing her brow as she fixed him with a hardened gaze, searching. He seemed to deflate in relief at the sound of her voice, and the confirmation of her identity by the light now faintly shining on her face, and he came at her suddenly, throwing his front legs around her shoulders. With a start, she realized he had six legs as well, and with a sinking feeling in her stomach, she realized that he looked strikingly similar to herself. Who was he? Now she was beginning to feel scared.
xxx"Oh Nubia, my darling, I wasn't sure it was you at first, but I've found you at last!" To her surprise, he started to sob, and to her utter delight, his grip was too strong to pull away from. She was stuck, as this strange, probably senile old man cried into her fur, and she had no idea who he was, other than the thought that he could be family, someone who knew her. He could maybe even be her father, and she didn't know how to deal. She stiffened.
xxx"I don't know you, who are you? How do you know my name?" Nubia repeated, pressing him to answer again.
xxx"Nubia, oh Nubia, I thought I'd lost you after I last saw you in that basket with a card of your name." Her world seemed to halt, come to a screeching stop that split the drums of her four ears. How could he possibly know that? Only she knew that, only she, how could he? There was no way he could know unless-
xxx"H-how did you know I was left like that?" She no longer cared about the fact he was crying into her, or the wet spot on her shoulder from his tears; all of that was long forgotten as her world remained frozen, shattered by what he had said.
xxx"Because I left you there. I left you there, in that woven basket, with the white blanket, and the note with your name. I left you there and I'm so sorry. I'm your uncle Nubia. Oh, I've found you at least." She felt her world freeze over again, just as it had started to thaw. Uncle? Left her there? What about her parents? What had happened to them?
xxx"Why did you leave me there, why not my parents? Where are they?" Nubia asked, beginning to struggle against her uncle's hold, starting to pull away. She saw the sadness in his eyes as she wrenched herself from his grip, and while that sent a pang to her heart, she didn't care. She need to know where her parents were, what had happened to them, where they had gone, why her uncle had left her abandoned in a basket at Beggar's end.
xxx"Nubia, aren't you glad that I've found you? Aren't you happy that we can now be together?" He took a step forward, and she took one back, the hairs of suspicion beginning to rise again. Something changed in his eyes, and she didn't like it.
xxx"Where are my parents? What happened to them?" Now she was beginning to sound scared. Her voice was rising, and her heartbeat sped up with dread. Her uncle's face instantly fouled, and she took another step back, afraid of what he might do.
xxx"You had to ask, didn't you? They're dead Nubia, they're dead." His voice was a growl now, and she didn't know what had changed, what had prompted such a thing, but above that, she didn't know what to feel from his words. Her parents were dead? They were dead?
xxx"What?" She began to quiver, as did her voice. She hated how weak she sounded, so small and scared, but oh god, her parents. Her parents were gone. Nubia nearly choked on a sudden sob that took over.
xxx"I said they're dead. We were attacked, and I had to get you to safety." They were what? He, he what?
xxx"Why didn't you try and save them?" Why had he let her parents die?
xxx"I couldn't, they were attacked, and I saw the swords and ran with you." He seemed to be back pedaling now, desperately trying to wrack his mind on how to fix this.
xxx"And you did nothing to help them? You just took me and ran and left them there to be killed?" Nubia cried, not caring who heard her shout.
xxx"I had no other choice!" He bit back, defending his side.
xxx"Yes you did! You coward! You could have tried to save them, but you just ran! My life has been a hell because you didn't try, because you left them to die!" She wanted to scream at him, to yell at the top of her lungs, but she kept her words to a growl, a hate filled growl. He didn't care for her parents, she could see that plainly. He only wanted to save his own skin, and took her because he thought he'd earn her pity, or buy into his schemes. How could he have done this? She bared her teeth in a snarl, and stepped away.
xxx"Nubia, come here, calm down. Your parents may be gone, but I'm here, we can start being a family together!"
xxx"No, stay away from me! You monster!" By now tears were streaming down her face, rolling over her fur, and falling onto the sandy ground. Her uncle tried to step closer again, but before he could touch her, before the man who let her parents die could come any closer, she pulled out her smallest dagger, and pressed it swiftly to his neck.
xxx"I said stay away!"
xxx"Nubia-"
xxx"No, don't you dare talk to me. I should kill you for what you've done, you know that? For all you've done, for not even giving my parents a hope to survive, for killing my chance at a life, at a childhood. You took everything from me, I should kill you!" Her words were forced out through choked tears, her vision too blurry, she could hardly see. All she saw was the pitiful panic in his eyes. He was no different to the rest of her targets, the rest of the despicable monsters that met the very same blade, but could she do it? Could she kill him? He was still her blood, her family, all she knew that there was left, could she really kill him? Could she?

➤ spare him
➤ kill him

[76heart]

4,202 words

heartbreak

xxx"But I won't. I won't kill you, and stoop to your low." Nubia growled, her words filled with nothing but malice as she forced them out through her tears. She retracted the blade, and carefully placed it back in it's sheath within her pack.
xxx"Did you at least have the decency to go back and see if they were buried, to close their eyes?" Nubia asked, her voice going quiet, her shoulders slumping, her fight drifted away. She couldn't kill him, and even though her tears blinded her, and her form shaking with tears in each breath made it hard to stand, she at least wanted to know this before she ran, ran until she couldn't anymore, and found somewhere quiet and alone to collapse and break, like the heart her uncle had just torn to irreversible shreds.
xxx"I-" He tried to give an answer, to lie through his teeth, but she could see in his eyes he did not. He hadn't even given them that. Her parents were dead because of this monster, and they didn't even get that, the final courtesies, the final shows of respect. It made her sick, made her want to throw up.
xxx"Then I never want to see you again. I never want you near me again, you despicable thing. My parents are dead because of you, everything is hell because of you, and you couldn't even bring you disgusting self to give them a final respect after death. Don't ever try and find me again, or I will kill you. Without hesitation." She didn't know how she managed to halt her tears long enough to speak without interruption of a hiccuped sob, or wavering breath, but she some how accomplished such a feet as she now returned to a sobbing mess. Her words had been cold, emotionless apart from hatred, and filled with a conviction she didn't know she had.
xxxHer uncle stared at her, in fear and disbelief, and watched with wide eyes as she then took off and ran into the morning light, her halo refracting the morning sun's rays as she fled from her last family, and he ran the other way, as far from her as he could.

xxxNubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She didn't even have the comfort of a presence anymore, like she had had with Zaida and Dimitri, she hadn't given herself the chance to see how that would blossom and grow, and she couldn't go back and change her choice. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to cry.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She felt to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would. The crack their death had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone! All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only thing that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, she need to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The key to mending all of her broken pieces was dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this is? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

xxx"Nubia." Another set of sobs wracked her body.
xxx"Nubia!" She let out a cry.
xxx"Nubia!" She felt a paw on her shoulder, and turned her head to see one of the last people she wanted to see. The Kalon who got her into this guild, one of the stupid people her stupid heart decided to care for, no matter how hard she tried to shut it away. Nubia let out another sob, and hung her head.
xxx"If you couldn't tell, now is not exactly the best time. I've just found out my parents are dead, give me sometime to mourn." Nubia growled bitterly, fixing him with an ice cold glare as she struggled to keep more tears from falling. "Leave me be!" She added, her voice raising to a desperate shout when he made no move to go. She hated that he was seeing her like this, so broken, so battered, so bruised. "Please." She added, pleading, her voice breaking as her form was wracked with another sob, her shoulders shaking as she cried into the sand. Why couldn't he just leave her alone?
xxx"You can mourn later, this is important. An attack on the palace is being planned, for the gala tonight, and we need you to find out who's doing it, so we can stop it." His voice had gone softer, more sympathetic, and that only caused her to sneer. She didn't want his pity, his sympathy, or anything else, she wanted him to leave her alone. She didn't care about the stupid king, or the stupid castle, she wanted to cry, to cry for her parents.
xxx"Let it happen, the king deserves it. He can die." Nubia hissed, hatred filling her words as she turned on him, golden red eyes piercing, and asking for him to go.
xxx"It's not an attack to kill the king, Nubia." His words were even softer now, and he lay a comforting paw on top of one of her own as the realization came into her eyes and she looked up at him, so weak, so vulnerable, so scared.
xxx"What?" The single word came out through a shaky sniffle.
xxx"It's for the queen. Someone is going to kill her, Bia, please. No one else is able to get here in time, you're all we've got. My face is too known." The queen, the one hope for a good king returning, and the tyrant king going down. Why did someone have to try and hurt her? Why was she needed today? Could no one let her be to cry?
xxx"I hate you." She didn't mean it, not really, and in all honesty, she felt quite the opposite, she always had, and she hoped he knew that. She could never hate him, not even if she tried.
xxx"I know." He sounded sad, yet knowing, and that only put another piercing crack through her heart. "The lord of Kashash, Kenei, is arriving tonight at his home here, I need you to go to him for information, and find out all you can. Can you do that?"
xxx"I can. I just, I just need a moment." She let out a shaky sigh, and looked up at him, managing to compose herself for the moment at least. This was her job, her duty, and she had to do it no matter what. She was used to numbing all she felt, to hiding it away until it over flowed, this would be no different. She could cry for her parents again later. His voice was soothing, and she also didn't want to disappoint him. He had brought her into this, she owed him everything, the least she could do was this.
xxx"Good. I, I wish you luck." He slowly rose to his feet, beginning to turn away and head back to his own business, before he paused and glanced back to her. "I'll see you soon, Bia. It's been too long." He pressed his nose to her forehead, just below her halo, and then he bowed his head to her, offered a bittersweet smile, and turned back to the shadows, leaving her alone with her tears.
xxx"It has. Goodbye, my friend. May the gods keep you safe." As she watched him go, another sob forced itself through her throat, and she felt herself falling into a fit of tears all over again.

xxxIt took some time, but eventually, well before the sun could set, she managed to calm, and she went about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and unsteady as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed.
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that?
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with wide eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her surprise get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called fro the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

4,545 words

heartbreak

xxx"Do you have any last words before I end your life, like you did to my parent's when you took me and left them alone to die?" Nubia growled, her tearful voice a hatred filled hiss.
xxx"Nubia please! I'm you're uncle, I'm your family, we can start over. I've found you now, can't we do that? Cant we?" He was panicking now, backpedaling as she approached him, dagger pressed firmly to his throat, backing him into a wall as he scrambled.
xxx"My family would not have left my parents to die. I would rather have nothing, than have you." Nubia hissed, pressing the dagger closer.
xxx"Nubia, Nubia, pleas-ughg" And that was the last word he ever spoke, a pitiful plea for her to save his worthless life. He was undeserving of being spared, not when he had left her parents to die.
xxx"You're nothing but a sniveling coward." She began to shake, but she didn't know if she shook from the anger, the burning hatred for the man who lay dead at her feet, the pain that seemed to be all she knew, or the realization of what she had done. Her parents were gone, and she had just killed the last of her family. What had she done? What had she done? Oh gods, what had she done? She couldn't stay here, she had to go, she had to go, and she had to crumble, and cry.

xxxWith that, Nubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry and drown in the guilt for what she had just done. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone, and her uncle, the last surviving member of her family was dead, dead by her paws. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She didn't even have the very start of knowing the comfort of a presence anymore, like she had been just beginning to realize with Zaida and Dimitri, she hadn't given herself the chance to see how that would blossom and grow, and she couldn't go back and change her choice. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to cry, and scream.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.
xxxWhat if he truly meant well, truly had cared, truly tried, and she was too blinded by her hurt to see? What if she had snuffed out that hope before it even had the chance to bloom? She could have had a father in him, known a family, but she had killed him. She had killed him in the night as he begged her for his life. She had treated him like one of her targets, the monsters she was sent to kill, but what if he wasn't one? What if she had misjudged him? What if she had killed her last chance at a friend? At family? What had she done? What had she done?

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She fell to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She wanted to scream away her guilt, scream the horrible choice she had made. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would, and the only other presence that had the chance had been stabbed with her own dagger. The crack their deaths had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone! Her uncle, her last family, was gone, and by volition. All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only things that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, oh, she needed to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Her uncle was gone, gone because of her. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never even got to hear stories of them, or what they were like, or to hear her uncle say how much her family loved her. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. If only she hadn't been so impulsive, she'd still have a dim hope left. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She wanted to undo her last choice, her last stupid decision. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To have a guilt that crushed even her bones? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? Was this what it felt like to regret, to have so much regret for a choice that could never be reversed, the finality of death? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. She would even take her horrible uncle, at least he knew them. He could have told her stories of them, told her what they were like if she had only listened and spared his life. Why had she killed him, why had she taken his life so soon? They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. She had just killed her last chance at it. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't the guilt, the shame, the self loathing for her choice go away? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, this all encompassing guilt, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The keys to mending all of her broken pieces were dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Why did she have to crush her own chances at what she longed for? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this it? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

xxx"Nubia." Another set of sobs wracked her body.
xxx"Nubia!" She let out a wail.
xxx"Nubia!" She felt a paw on her shoulder, and turned her head to see one of the last people she wanted to see. The Kalon who got her into this guild, one of the stupid people her stupid heart decided to care for, no matter how hard she tried to shut it away. Nubia let out another sob, and hung her head.
xxx"If you couldn't tell, now is not exactly the best time. I've just found out my parents are dead, and I've just killed the only family I had left. Give me some time to mourn." Nubia growled bitterly, fixing him with an ice cold glare as she struggled to keep more tears from falling. "Leave me be!" She added, her voice raising to a desperate shout when he made no move to go. She hated that he was seeing her like this, so broken, so battered, so bruised. "Please." She added, pleading, her voice breaking as her form was wracked with another sob, her shoulders shaking as she cried into the sand. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why couldn't he leave her to hate her choices alone?
xxx"You can mourn later, this is important. An attack on the palace is being planned, for the gala tonight, and we need you to find out who's doing it, so we can stop it." His voice had gone softer, more sympathetic, and that only caused her to sneer. She didn't want his pity, his sympathy, or anything else, she wanted him to leave her alone. She didn't care about the stupid king, or the stupid castle, she wanted to cry, to cry for her parents.
xxx"Let it happen, the king deserves it. He can die. I'm not killing anyone else." Nubia hissed, hatred filling her words as she turned on him, golden red eyes piercing, and asking for him to go.
xxx"It's not an attack to kill the king, Nubia." His words were even softer now, and he lay a comforting paw on top of one of her own as the realization came into her eyes and she looked up at him, so weak, so vulnerable, so scared.
xxx"What?" The single word came out through a shaky sniffle.
xxx"It's for the queen. Someone is going to kill her, Bia, please." The queen, the one hope for a good king returning, and the tyrant king going down. Why did someone have to try and hurt her? Why was she needed today? Could no one let her be to cry? Could no one let her be to wallow in her guilt?
xxx"I hate you." She didn't mean it, not really, and in all honesty, she felt quite the opposite, she always had, and she hoped he knew that. She could never hate him, not even if she tried.
xxx"I know." He sounded sad, yet knowing, and that only put another piercing crack through her heart. "The lord of Kashash, Kenei, is arriving tonight at his home here, I need you to go to him for information, and find out all you can. Can you do that?"
xxx"I told you I'm not killing anyone else." Her voice was weak, wimpy, pitiful.
xxx"Nubia, you don't have a choice. Now, can you do that?"
xxx"Fine. I just, I just need a moment." She let out a shaky sigh, and looked up at him, managing to compose herself for the moment at least. This was her job, her duty, and she had to do it no matter what. She was used to numbing all she felt, to hiding it away until it over flowed, this would be no different. She could cry for her parents again later, scorn herself for her choice later. His voice was soothing, and she also didn't want to disappoint him. He had brought her into this, she owed him everything, the least she could do was this.
xxx"Good. I, I wish you luck." He slowly rose to his feet, beginning to turn away and head back to his own business, before he paused and glanced back to her. "I'll see you soon. It's been too long." He pressed his nose to her forehead, just below her halo, and then he bowed his head to her, offered a bittersweet smile, and turned back to the shadows, leaving her alone with her tears.
xxx"It has. Goodbye, my friend. May the gods keep you safe." As she watched him go, another sob forced itself through her throat, and she felt herself falling into a fit of tears all over again.

xxxIt took some time, but eventually, well before the sun could set, she managed to calm, temporarily quell her guilt, and she went about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and unsteady, as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt, and the horrible guilt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death, over the life she had prematurely taken.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning. She wanted to get this over with, before she had to kill someone else, before the damn holding everything back broke and she crumbled in front of the enemy, and doomed her kingdom.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed.
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that?
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with wide eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her surprise get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called fro the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

3,870 words

heartbreak

xxx"But I won't. I won't kill you, and stoop to your low." Nubia growled, her words filled with nothing but malice as she forced them out through her tears. She retracted the blade, and carefully placed it back in it's sheath within her pack.
xxx"Did you at least have the decency to go back and see if they were buried, to close their eyes?" Nubia asked, her voice going quiet, her shoulders slumping, her fight drifted away. She couldn't kill him, and even though her tears blinded her, and her form shaking with tears in each breath made it hard to stand, she at least wanted to know this before she ran, ran until she couldn't anymore, and found somewhere quiet and alone to collapse and break, like the heart her uncle had just torn to irreversible shreds.
xxx"I-" He tried to give an answer, to lie through his teeth, but she could see in his eyes he did not. He hadn't even given them that. Her parents were dead because of this monster, and they didn't even get that, the final courtesies, the final shows of respect. It made her sick, made her want to throw up.
xxx"Then I never want to see you again. I never want you near me again, you despicable thing. My parents are dead because of you, everything is hell because of you, and you couldn't even bring you disgusting self to give them a final respect after death. Don't ever try and find me again, or I will kill you. Without hesitation." She didn't know how she managed to halt her tears long enough to speak without interruption of a hiccuped sob, or wavering breath, but she some how accomplished such a feet as she now returned to a sobbing mess. Her words had been cold, emotionless apart from hatred, and filled with a conviction she didn't know she had.
xxxHer uncle stared at her, in fear and disbelief, and watched with wide eyes as she then took off and ran into the night's darkness, her halo refracting the light of the torches' light that fell upon it as she fled from her last family, and he ran the other way, as far from her as he could.

xxxNubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She didn't even have the comfort of a presence anymore, like she had very briefly had with Zaida and Dimitri, she hadn't given herself the chance to see how that would blossom and grow, and she couldn't go back and change her choice. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to cry.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She felt to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would. The crack their death had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone! All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only thing that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, she need to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The key to mending all of her broken pieces was dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this is? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

xxxShe cried and cried until nothing more came out, until she could no longer utter a sound, and the next thing she knew, it was morning, and she no longer had any tears left to cry or screams to shout. She felt nothing but hollow. Empty. Cold. Numb. Broken.

xxx"Nubia, can you hear me?" Came the soft voice of someone she used to know so well.
xxx"I can." She stared blankly at the ground, the sand at her feet. Her voice was empty, tired, weak, hoarse, and her eyes were glazed over.
xxx"How are you feeling?" His voice was gentle, concerned, and she remembered why she had once called him close. He had been the one to bring her into the assassin's league, and she still trusted him, she could tell him what had happened.
xxx"Like my heart has just been ripped from my chest." Nubia finally turned to look at him, hints of tears brimming her eyes again.
xxx"Are you able to do something for me? No one else is available, and I'm too well known around here." He came to sit beside her, head tilted sympathetically as he watched her.
xxx"I think." She went back to staring emptily at the sand.
xxx"There's an attack on the palace, specifically on the queen, I need you to get me some information."
xxx"From who?"
xxx"The Lord of Kashash, he's visiting his summer palace for the gala tonight. We think they're striking then, but we need to be sure. I need you to interrogate Kenei, can you do that?"
xxx"I can." Her heart sunk at the thought of a mission so soon, but she couldn't refuse. She owed him everything, and while she felt nothing, she might as well do as he asked. He had done so much for her, she didn't want to disappoint him.
xxx"Are you sure?" She looked to him again, and gave a little nod, before looking back to the earth.
xxx"Good. I'll meet you once you're done, and tell you the rest." She nodded again, and he stood, dipping his head in farewell, his tail brushing against her shoulder as he left. She watched him leave with empty eyes, and began to struggle of convincing herself to stand when she just wanted to stay here, in the emptiness.

xxxIt took some time, but eventually, well before the sun could set, she managed to get up, and stand, and she went about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and unsteady as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed.
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that?
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with wide eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her surprise get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called fro the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

4,176 words

heartbreak

xxx"Do you have any last words before I end your life, like you did to my parent's when you took me and left them alone to die?" Nubia growled, her tearful voice a hatred filled hiss.
xxx"Nubia please! I'm you're uncle, I'm your family, we can start over. I've found you now, can't we do that? Cant we?" He was panicking now, backpedaling as she approached him, dagger pressed firmly to his throat, backing him into a wall as he scrambled.
xxx"My family would not have left my parents to die. I would rather have nothing, than have you." Nubia hissed, pressing the dagger closer.
xxx"Nubia, Nubia, pleas-ughg" And that was the last word he ever spoke, a pitiful plea for her to save his worthless life. He was undeserving of being spared, not when he had left her parents to die.
xxx"You're nothing but a sniveling coward." She began to shake, but she didn't know if she shook from the anger, the burning hatred for the man who lay dead at her feet, the pain that seemed to be all she knew, or the realization of what she had done. Her parents were gone, and she had just killed the last of her family. What had she done? What had she done? Oh gods, what had she done? She couldn't stay here, she had to go, she had to go, and she had to crumble, and cry.

xxxWith that, Nubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry and drown in the guilt for what she had just done. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone, and her uncle, the last surviving member of her family was dead, dead by her paws. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She didn't even have the very start of knowing the comfort of a presence anymore, like she had been just beginning to realize with Zaida and Dimitri, she hadn't given herself the chance to see how that would blossom and grow, and she couldn't go back and change her choice. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to cry, and scream.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.
xxxWhat if he truly meant well, truly had cared, truly tried, and she was too blinded by her hurt to see? What if she had snuffed out that hope before it even had the chance to bloom? She could have had a father in him, known a family, but she had killed him. She had killed him in the night as he begged her for his life. She had treated him like one of her targets, the monsters she was sent to kill, but what if he wasn't one? What if she had misjudged him? What if she had killed her last chance at a friend? At family? What had she done? What had she done?

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She fell to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She wanted to scream away her guilt, scream the horrible choice she had made. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would, and the only other presence that had the chance had been stabbed with her own dagger. The crack their deaths had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone! Her uncle, her last family, was gone, and by volition. All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only things that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, oh, she needed to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Her uncle was gone, gone because of her. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never even got to hear stories of them, or what they were like, or to hear her uncle say how much her family loved her. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. If only she hadn't been so impulsive, she'd still have a dim hope left. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She wanted to undo her last choice, her last stupid decision. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To have a guilt that crushed even her bones? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? Was this what it felt like to regret, to have so much regret for a choice that could never be reversed, the finality of death? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. She would even take her horrible uncle, at least he knew them. He could have told her stories of them, told her what they were like if she had only listened and spared his life. Why had she killed him, why had she taken his life so soon? They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. She had just killed her last chance at it. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't the guilt, the shame, the self loathing for her choice go away? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, this all encompassing guilt, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The keys to mending all of her broken pieces were dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Why did she have to crush her own chances at what she longed for? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this it? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

xxxShe cried and cried until nothing more came out, until she could no longer utter a sound, and the next thing she knew, it was morning, and she no longer had any tears left to cry or screams to shout. She felt nothing but hollow. Empty. Cold. Numb. Broken.

xxx"Nubia, can you hear me?" Came the soft voice of someone she used to know so well.
xxx"I can." She stared blankly at the ground, the sand at her feet. Her voice was empty, tired, weak, hoarse, and her eyes were glazed over.
xxx"How are you feeling?" His voice was gentle, concerned, and she remembered why she had once called him close. He had been the one to bring her into the assassin's league, and she still trusted him, she could tell him what had happened.
xxx"My parents are dead, and I killed my uncle because he left them to die." Nubia finally turned to look at him, hints of tears brimming her eyes again, one managing to spill over.
xxx"Are you able to do something for me? No one else is available, and I'm too well known around here." He came to sit beside her, head tilted sympathetically as he watched her.
xxx"I think, but I don't want to kill anyone." She went back to staring emptily at the sand.
xxx"There's an attack on the palace, specifically on the queen, I need you to get me some information."
xxx"From who?"
xxx"The Lord of Kashash, he's visiting his summer palace for the gala tonight. We think they're striking then, but we need to be sure. I need you to interrogate Kenei, can you do that?"
xxx"I can." Her heart sunk at the thought of a mission so soon, but she couldn't refuse. She owed him everything, and while she felt nothing, she might as well do as he asked. He had done so much for her, she didn't want to disappoint him.
xxx"Are you sure?" She looked to him again, and gave a little nod, before looking back to the earth.
xxx"Good. I'll meet you once you're done, and tell you the rest." She nodded again, and he stood, dipping his head in farewell, his tail brushing against her shoulder as he left. She watched him leave with empty eyes, and began to struggle of convincing herself to stand when she just wanted to stay here, in the emptiness.

xxxIt took some time, but eventually, well before the sun could set, she managed to get up, and stand, and temporarily quell her guilt enough to go about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and unsteady, as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt, and the horrible guilt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death, over the life she had prematurely taken.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning. She wanted to get this over with, before she had to kill someone else, before the damn holding everything back broke and she crumbled in front of the enemy, and doomed her kingdom.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed.
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that?
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with wide eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her surprise get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called fro the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

3,829 words

heartbreak

xxx"But I won't. I won't kill you, and stoop to your low." Nubia growled, her words filled with nothing but malice as she forced them out through her tears. She retracted the blade, and carefully placed it back in it's sheath within her pack.
xxx"Did you at least have the decency to go back and see if they were buried, to close their eyes?" Nubia asked, her voice going quiet, her shoulders slumping, her fight drifted away. She couldn't kill him, and even though her tears blinded her, and her form shaking with tears in each breath made it hard to stand, she at least wanted to know this before she ran, ran until she couldn't anymore, and found somewhere quiet and alone to collapse and break, like the heart her uncle had just torn to irreversible shreds.
xxx"I-" He tried to give an answer, to lie through his teeth, but she could see in his eyes he did not. He hadn't even given them that. Her parents were dead because of this monster, and they didn't even get that, the final courtesies, the final shows of respect. It made her sick, made her want to throw up.
xxx"Then I never want to see you again. I never want you near me again, you despicable thing. My parents are dead because of you, everything is hell because of you, and you couldn't even bring you disgusting self to give them a final respect after death. Don't ever try and find me again, or I will kill you. Without hesitation." She didn't know how she managed to halt her tears long enough to speak without interruption of a hiccuped sob, or wavering breath, but she some how accomplished such a feet as she now returned to a sobbing mess. Her words had been cold, emotionless apart from hatred, and filled with a conviction she didn't know she had.
xxxHer uncle stared at her, in fear and disbelief, and watched with wide eyes as she then took off and ran into the night's darkness, her halo refracting the light of the torches' light that fell upon it as she fled from her last family, and he ran the other way, as far from her as he could.

xxxNubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to cry.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She felt to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would. The crack their death had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone! All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only thing that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, she need to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The key to mending all of her broken pieces was dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this is? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

xxxShe cried and cried until nothing more came out, until she could no longer utter a sound, and the next thing she knew, it was morning, and she no longer had any tears left to cry or screams to shout. She felt nothing but hollow. Empty. Cold. Numb. Broken.

xxx"Nubia, can you hear me?" Came the soft voice of someone she used to know so well.
xxx"I can." She stared blankly at the ground, the sand at her feet. Her voice was empty, tired, weak, hoarse, and her eyes were glazed over.
xxx"How are you feeling?" His voice was gentle, concerned, and she remembered why she had once called him close. He had been the one to bring her into the assassin's league, and she still trusted him, she could tell him what had happened.
xxx"Like my heart has just been ripped from my chest." Nubia finally turned to look at him, hints of tears brimming her eyes again.
xxx"Are you able to do something for me? No one else is available, and I'm too well known around here." He came to sit beside her, head tilted sympathetically as he watched her.
xxx"I think." She went back to staring emptily at the sand.
xxx"There's an attack on the palace, specifically on the queen, I need you to get me some information."
xxx"From who?"
xxx"The Lord of Kashash, he's visiting his summer palace for the gala tonight. We think they're striking then, but we need to be sure. I need you to interrogate Kenei, can you do that?"
xxx"I can." Her heart sunk at the thought of a mission so soon, but she couldn't refuse. She owed him everything, and while she felt nothing, she might as well do as he asked. He had done so much for her, she didn't want to disappoint him.
xxx"Are you sure?" She looked to him again, and gave a little nod, before looking back to the earth.
xxx"Good. I'll meet you once you're done, and tell you the rest." She nodded again, and he stood, dipping his head in farewell, his tail brushing against her shoulder as he left. She watched him leave with empty eyes, and began to struggle of convincing herself to stand when she just wanted to stay here, in the emptiness.

xxxIt took some time, but eventually, well before the sun could set, she managed to get up, and stand, and she went about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and unsteady as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed.
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that?
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with wide eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her surprise get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called fro the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

4,040 words

heartbreak

xxx"Do you have any last words before I end your life, like you did to my parent's when you took me and left them alone to die?" Nubia growled, her tearful voice a hatred filled hiss.
xxx"Nubia please! I'm you're uncle, I'm your family, we can start over. I've found you now, can't we do that? Cant we?" He was panicking now, backpedaling as she approached him, dagger pressed firmly to his throat, backing him into a wall as he scrambled.
xxx"My family would not have left my parents to die. I would rather have nothing, than have you." Nubia hissed, pressing the dagger closer.
xxx"Nubia, Nubia, pleas-ughg" And that was the last word he ever spoke, a pitiful plea for her to save his worthless life. He was undeserving of being spared, not when he had left her parents to die.
xxx"You're nothing but a sniveling coward." She began to shake, but she didn't know if she shook from the anger, the burning hatred for the man who lay dead at her feet, the pain that seemed to be all she knew, or the realization of what she had done, and how she felt about it. Her parents were gone, and she had just killed the last of her family, and felt nothing. She had taken the life of someone who shared her blood, and felt absolutely nothing, not even guilt, or coldness, and she was terrified of that. How could she feel nothing? What had she done? She couldn't stay here, she had to go, before she was found, and find somewhere to cry before the dam holding the pain of her parent's death burst and she drowned.

xxxWith that, Nubia ran. Nubia ran, and ran, and ran, hardly looking at where she was going, just blindly running, blindly searching for somewhere she could be alone to cry and drown in the fear of the fact she felt nothing for what she had just done. She didn't care who saw her. None of it mattered, her parents were gone, and she was becoming one of the monsters she was trained to kill. Her hope was gone, all she had was Wadjet and Naja, and she feared she may lose them too, and she couldn't lose them, they were her only friends, all she had left. She was alone, so alone, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere to scream.

xxxAs a child, and throughout the years that followed, she had often dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with her parents. What it would be like to feel their touch, hear their voices, and now she knew it would never be anything more than a foolish dream from a foolish girl. They were dead, they weren't coming back, and she'd never find them. She probably shouldn't believe him, she probably should still hope, still believe her parents were out there, and very much alive and searching for the daughter they had lost so long ago, but she did believe him. She had seen it in his eyes, and she had looked enough liars in the eye to see and recognize the sincerity of truth. While a horrible, sniveling coward he may have been, he told no lies, nothing but the truth, and that crushed her so.

xxxWhen she finally found some place to be alone, she collapsed, and found herself no longer able to stand. She fell to a sit as she let out a cry, her claws digging into the sand to keep her from falling over, and she began to sob. She just wanted to scream, to cry as loudly as she could into the day, into the night, into the world, to scream until she could no longer scream and her lungs and throat were exhausted and sore. She wanted to scream away until she felt something, until she felt something for what she had done. She just wanted to scream, to let out all her heartbreak, to scream all she felt, all the breaks in her heart that she had gotten over the years, all the cracks that had never been able to mend. She wanted everyone to feel the giant crack that now tore her heart apart, the one she knew would never heal, no matter what. Her parents were gone. Only their presence could fill that hole, and they never would, and she was growing scared of herself. Whenever her mind went to the death she had just caused, she felt nothing but empty. The crack their deaths had left would forever be bleeding, be raw, be broken, be cracked, shattered, damaged, hurt, scarred, and nothing could fix it. They were gone, they were gone. All the other scars, all the other cracks, they always had a chance to mend, but this one, no, nothing could fix it, nothing could help. The only things that could was never to return, never to come again, and that just broke her heart even more. Why couldn't she cry, why couldn't she scream? Why didn't she feel something? Why couldn't she feel something? Why couldn't she just be in the middle of the desert to scream and get it out? She needed to get it out, oh, she needed to.
xxxShe let out another loud sob, a cracked cry, and felt her body shake with them, her form crumble around the heart that no longer knew how to properly beat. She couldn't breathe, she could just cry, and cry, and cry, and keep crying. Her parents were gone, they were gone, they were never, ever coming back. Her uncle was gone, gone because of her. Oh gods, they were gone. She never got to hear their voice, feel their touch, their love. She never got to yell at them over something stupid, or see how much they loved her, how much they cared despite how horrible she could be. She never got any of that, and she never would. Never. It was too late, they were dead, they were gone, and now her heart would never mend, and her life would remain incomplete. She just wanted her parents, to feel them at her side, to have them hold her and tell her it would be alright, to hold her close and hush away her tears with sweet lullabies and promises that it would be alright. She had to dig all four of her front legs' claws into the ground to stay upright as she sobbed again, and continued to cry in heavy waves that shook her, and threatened to uproot her from the earth, and topple her, so that she may never get back up.

xxxWas this what it felt like to have a broken heart that would never mend? To be terrified of oneself? To feel things, to not hold them back? Was this what it felt like to truly feel, to love, to hurt, to have a heart? Was this what it felt like to feel nothing, nothing but fear that that was all she felt? If it was, she wanted none of it. She wanted it gone, she wanted someone to take it from her chest and destroy it. She wanted her mother, her mumma, her father, her da, the parents she never had but longed for, the blurry faces she remembered. They were what she wanted more than anything, and she could never have them, she never did have them, they were gone. All she had ever wanted was her family, to be normal, to have a home, to have a rock, a world, something, a friend, why could she never have any of it? Why did nothing ever go her way? Why did she have to feel? Why couldn't she just make it all stop? Why couldn't she just feel something? Why couldn't it just all go away and leave her alone. She wanted it gone, all of it. She hated feeling, hated this hurt, this all nothingness at the murder she had committed, and she wanted it gone. She just wanted it to stop, to end, but the only way for it to end was something that would never come to pass. The key to mending all of her broken pieces was dead. Why should she hope at all anymore, if nothing would ever get better? Why was the world so cruel, why did it always crush her hope? Why did she have to crush her own chances at what she longed for? Could she ever get back up from this, ever recover and face life again, or was this it? Was she strong enough to get up again? She didn't know, all she knew was hurt right now, all she could feel were her shattering sobs, and the tears that stained her fur and created rivers through the strands where tears fell like waterfalls. What had she ever known, anyway? Just a stupid hope. A stupid hope for something that would never come to be.

She cried and cried until nothing more came out, until she could no longer utter a sound, and the next thing she knew, it was morning, and she no longer had any tears left to cry or screams to shout. She felt nothing but hollow. Empty. Cold. Numb. Broken. A shell of what she had been the previous day. She felt the same nothing she had felt after killing her uncle, and it still scared her.

xxx"Nubia, can you hear me?" Came the soft voice of someone she used to know so well.
"I can." She stared blankly at the ground, the sand at her feet. Her voice was empty, tired, weak, hoarse, and her eyes were glazed over.
"How are you feeling?" His voice was gentle, concerned, and she remembered why she had once called him close. He had been the one to bring her into the assassin's league, and she still trusted him, she could tell him what had happened.
"I killed someone with my own blood and felt nothing. How do you think I feel?" Nubia finally turned to look at him, her words a cold, bitter snap, biting icily into him as he blinked in surprise.
"Are you able to do something for me? No one else is available, and I'm too well known around here." He came to sit beside her, head tilted sympathetically as he watched her.
"I am." She went back to staring emptily at the sand.
"There's an attack on the palace, specifically on the queen, I need you to get me some information."
"From who?"
"The Lord of Kashash, he's visiting his summer palace for the gala tonight. We think they're striking then, but we need to be sure. I need you to interrogate Kenei, can you do that?"
"I can." Once again, she felt nothing, and that terrified her. What had she become, what had changed?
"Are you sure?" She looked to him again, her eyes meeting his coldly, before looking back to the earth.
"Good. I'll meet you once you're done, and tell you the rest." She nodded again, and he stood, dipping his head in farewell, his tail brushing against her shoulder as he left. She was tempted to lean into the touch as he walked away, but she didn't. She didn't deserve it. She watched him leave with empty eyes, and waited until he left to stand. She had no time to waste.

xxxAs soon as he was out of sight, she too began to walk away from where she had cried until morning light, and began to go about carrying out her next mission. She felt nothing but empty and cold, as she snuck into the Lord of Kashash's summer home, her eyes seeing, but unseeing all the same. Her heart was no longer with her, it had gone far away, somewhere distant and cold, somewhere where her feelings were completely numbed, until she was able to bring them back, and unthaw them, and let them overcome her again, if she ever let them. She liked this numbness, she didn't like the hurt. She knew her heart would return though, even more broken than before, and she knew she'd let herself feel it all, that she'd let it overcome her. She didn't want to feel nothing, she didn't want to feel nothing over her parent's death, over the life she had prematurely taken. She just wanted to feel something.
xxxShe snuck stealthy along the sweeping corridors, not even bothering to take a glance at the many portraits and fine tapestries that lined the walls. She just wanted to get to his study, where Kenei would be, and then leave, and be done. The art was beautiful, she was sure, but she could pay it no mind. When she came to the door, a heavy thing made of marbled sandstone, carved down to a thin slab, with depictions of his family's story engraved upon it. There were no guards in sight, and after pressing the ears of her left side to the door, she concluded there was no one else inside. All that reached her ears were the dulled scratches of a quill on parchment. It was safe to go in, and so she entered, closing the door silently behind her.

xxxImmediately, the Lord noticed her presence, and stood from his low seat with a loud screech, the inkwell spilling all across his desk as he bumped the desk with the movement, desperate to get away from the assassin standing in her room. The one with nothing but cold emptiness surrounding her, and nothing to lose. She had no heart, not here, she was dangerous, very dangerous.
xxx"Guar-" She was at his side in an instant, upon him in a flash, with Queenslayer pressed to his throat in a blink. He quickly silenced himself, and cut off his call. Smart man. She could feel his scared breathing against her, and his eyes were frozen on what he could see of the blade against the fur of his throat.
xxx"There's an attack on the queen, tonight. What do you know of it?" Her voice was level, emotionless, and warning. She wanted to get this over with, before she had to kill someone else, before the damn holding everything back broke and she crumbled in front of the enemy, and doomed her kingdom.
xxxA grin spread across his features, and his dark eyes moved to her. She wanted something from him, and that meant he had the power, he had the sway of things, and he knew it. Her eyes narrowed, she had no time for this
xxx"I've heard it's happening." His eyes glistened with a grin, and she scowled. Nubia pressed harder.
xxx"Funny how you were terrified at first, but now your consumed by a smile. You know what is happening. Tell me."
xxx"I don't think I want to tell you." He was stalling, toying with her, playing. Whatever he knew, it was crucial, and she had to get it. He knew she wouldn't kill him until she got what she was looking for.
xxx"I won't hesitate to kill you if you do not cooperate. I'm sure someone else knows of this plot, and the evidence of who will be somewhere. I don't need you." He swallowed. Ah, so there was another, and she could find out who, unless of course, he was bluffing his reaction.
xxx"The attack is happening during the gala, tonight, while the queen is getting ready." That was quick. It was amazing how quickly these horrid kalons would give up another if it meant they would live instead. She had seen it many times before, though it wasn't always as quick. Most had better resolve than Kenei, who kept stalling even after their slight control of the situation was lost.
xxx"Who is carrying it out, who's orders?"
xxxHe stayed silent.
xxx"By who's orders?" She pressed, the pressure of the dagger increasing.
xxx"I don't know!" He cried, fear suddenly bursting into his eyes again. It was someone important. Someone dangerous and important. Well, right now, she was far more dangerous than any of them, far more unhinged, and she had no time for this coward's games.
xxx"You do know, now tell me who it is."
xxx"They'll kill me if I do!" Panic was now filling him.
xxx"And if you don't, I'll kill you, don't think I won't. Would you rather die slowly at their hands, or quickly at mine?" Nubia asked. She was getting to him, finally breaking down the last pieces of his resolve. She need only to make one more little crack.
xxx"The king, the king has called for her death! He asked me to provide an assassin, he knows mine are the best! In return he promised me a palace, a little kingdom of my own." And she was through, though his answer made her falter, and that was all the panicked man needed to slip away from her, and rip a sconce off the wall above his desk, and brandish it in her direction with a paw, his eyes wild. The king was going to kill her? The king wanted her dead? She already had no power with him there, why was that not enough? Why did he have to want her gone too, and why didn't he at least have the decency if he was going to call for her death to do it himself, like he had done with her love? He had already taken everything from the queen, why couldn't he just leave it at that? She felt a surging wave of anger then, a tide of hatred that nearly pushed her over.
xxxA flame from the torch still burning in the sconce, searing too close to her face, brought her quickly from her thoughts, and she leapt back, staring at him with glaring eyes. He was panicked, and desperate, a dangerous combination that she had let happen. She had let her anger get the better of her, she could not let that happen again.
xxx"Go! Go before I kill you, get out!" He screamed, pointing the flame in her direction, nearly licking the fur of her nose once again.
xxx"Put that down before you set your home in flames, you fool!" Nubia hissed.
xxx"Guards! Guards! Come quick!" He just barely missed hitting the bookcase next to him as his paw flailed. The idiot.
xxxShe could hear footsteps quickly approaching though, and that meant it was time for her to run, time for her to get out of here, and run, run to the palace, and ready for the gala, so she could save the queen, and kill the backstabbing monster that sat on the throne.

the gala

xxxMany hours later, at the gala, she found herself standing over near one of the walls by the entry way, watching nobles from all over Erast accumulate over near the banquet tables, where no expenses were spared in getting the absolute best delicacies from all over the land. Some Lords and Ladies had already begun dancing with one another, elegantly swaying together across the grand ballroom, they extravagant and convoluted garbs trailing after them along the polished floor. There were even a few pairs of lords dancing with lords, and ladies dancing with ladies, dancing right alongside the others. Nubia still didn't understand how creatures that were not bipedal, could dance, but some how, these kalons had been able to learn a way, and she had to admit, it was beautifully languid and fluid, and truthfully a bit enchanting to watch. She was not hear to dance though, or to watch it with admiration and interest, she had to be alert, and on the look out for someone who looked suspicious.
xxxMomentarily, she glanced over to where the musicians were playing, most of them with eyes closed, listening to the notes they played, breathing in the song, and a part of her longed to stay and listen for hours, or to play with them, but she couldn't. Perhaps some other time she would be able to, but not now, now she had to focus, and not on the mesmerizing notes of the songs they played, songs that were perfect for dancing, and getting lost in the magic of the tune. Maybe after all of this was done and over with, she could see about taking a break from her assassin duties, and just focusing on her music. She had been neglecting that as of late, and after all she had been through this day, and the night before, she need something to lose herself in, something she loved. Now really wasn't the time to think of that though, or to contemplate her future, and before she could lose herself in her thoughts on music again, she turned her attention back to the crowd.
xxxSilently, Nubia wished she had Wadjet and Naja with her, but they, along with the rest of her things- save for her smaller dagger, that was strapped to her leg-, had been entrusted to the kalon that had tasked her with this, one of the few she truly had some trust in, when he came to find her after she left the Lord's home. He had given her more information then, the details that now made sense with the little piece of information she had garnered, and a beautiful turquoise garment, to hide her dagger and help her blend in with the more royal figures around her.

xxxEverything around her was so calm, all was as it should be, and it was some time still before anything happened, the Tyrant King had even come out to greet his guests, and all had gone smoothly as he now mingled with them, flitting from one important kalon to the next, and then everything erupted into chaos all at once. There was a scream from somewhere deep inside the palace, catching everyone off guard and turning all heads, making them freeze in place with all mixes of emotions upon their features, and then the guards came, rushing to corner everyone away from the scream, funneling them away from the stairs, and holding them back as panic began to take hold. All throughout that though, she only had eyes for one thing, the king, and she watched as with a wicked grin, her slipped up the stairs, escaping the notice of everyone, except for her. For a single split second, he held her knowing gaze from the top of the stairs, and his smile widened further, before he vanished down one of the halls. Anger began to surge through her again. The bastard! He was enjoying this, smiling, grinning, beaming mischievously at what was about to happen, and it was despicable. He had called for the death of his queen, after he had taken everything from her, and he had the audacity to smile while an assassin was creeping up on her as she got ready. She hated him. He was utterly, indisputably, despicable, and she wanted him gone. She wanted to kill him, and rid Erast of his tyrannical reign, but if she did that, she couldn't go and save the queen. She could not do both, not even if she tried as hard as she could. it was only one or the other, and she had to decide, what did Erast need more? If she killed the king, both he and the queen would be dead, and any body could come forth to claim the throne, someone even worse than he, but would it be worth it to risk it? If she saved the queen, the king would still be alive, but so would she, and that meant there would still be hope. Their land could be safe and peaceful once again, once more filled with kindness and love if the rule began solely hers again, and she could have time to heal; all would be well. She didn't have the time she needed to think, to decide, and her head swarmed with her rising hatred battling her sense. The clock was ticking, she had to decide, she had no second to waste, no more moment to sit and ponder. She had to move, to decide, and fast.

➤ save the queen
➤ kill the king

[76heart]

624words

xxxBefore anyone could stop her, or a guard could corral her in with the others, she ran to the stairs, dodging any guard that tried to grab her and ignoring the shouts for her to stop. She shed the turquoise garment as she quickly climbed the stairs, undoing the clasp with ease and not even nothing to look back as it fluttered to the ground. The kingdom needed it's queen, she had to save her. She could not let the kingdom lose it's hope, and she had to protect that. She had to protect one of the final light's it had left, even if it seemed to have already been snuffed out long ago. Nubia would not let the queen die, she would not.
xxxNubia ran faster, urging her six legs to go as fast as they possibly could, urging them to beat the seconds she was racing against. She had to get there before Kenei's hired assassin, she had too, she just had to. She had to make sure she was safe, she couldn't let Erast go without her, she was their only hope at it becoming prosperous and beautiful again, the last hope of things returning to how they were before the Tyrant stabbed her husband in the back. She had to save her for the kingdom, and for Zaida, and Dimitri. She couldn't let them live in a kingdom where there was no hope at goodness again. They were criminals, thieves, like she used to be, and if she let the queen die, and the king live on, if they were captured, she feared what would happen to them.

xxxThankfully, she had memorized a map of the castle before arriving, and it was not long before she made it to the queen's room, where the door was hanging wide open, one of it's hinges broken, and the wood splintered by the lock that had been forced open. There was a long scratch along it as well, where it looked like something had been thrown. Her heart sunk, and she was filled with dread. Was she too late? Was the queen already dead, had the scream been hers? Gods, please don't let her be dead, please, I'm begging you.
xxxShe darted inside, and felt herself fill with more relief than she knew was possible. She wasn't too late, the queen was still there, still alive. The queen was pressed against a her window, eyes wide and filled with fear, though they held no light, and they looked aged with years of sorrow and misery. The assassin, who had been slowly creeping closer, whirled around and turned on Nubia, his eyes going wide. Apparently, he hadn't expected to be caught. For a moment, she locked eyes with the queen, who looked even more scared than she had a moment before. Did she assume Nubia was there to help? Her heart fell again, and her eyes were trained on the assassin.
xxx"Go, before I kill you as well!" He growled, stepping toward her menacingly. He was wrapped in something dark, she could only see his cold eyes. Void of all feeling. The monster's mark.
xxx"I can't let you do that." Nubia returned, approaching him in turn, drawing her blade.
xxxShe didn't get to see his reaction to her words, because he pounced on her before she gave one. He knocked her down, his claws digging into her sides, but she launched him off of her with the paws of hers he had neglected to sweep from underneath him, knocking him into the bedpost. He tried to get up before she could, but she was upon him first, and it was his life, that was ended, as she shared a look with a grateful queen.

➤ proceed

[76heart]

410 words

xxxBefore anyone could stop her, or a guard could corral her in with the others, she ran to the stairs, dodging any guard that tried to grab her and ignoring the shouts for her to stop. She shed the turquoise garment as she quickly climbed the stairs, undoing the clasp with ease and not even nothing to look back as it fluttered to the ground. The kingdom could go on no longer with that horrid king, it was only suffering the longer he reigned. The kingdom would suffer from the loss of it's queen, but maybe there was a chance she could survive, or that she could get to her before the assassin made his title true.
xxxShe had to kill the king for Zaida, and Dimitri as well. With him left alive, if they were caught, she dreaded to think about what would happen to them, how they would be hurt if he was allowed to give them a punishment. They were criminals, thieves, and he had never taken kindly to those of that nature.

xxxNubia ran faster, urging her six legs to go as fast as they possibly could, urging them to beat the seconds she was racing against. She had to kill him for the sake of the kingdom, and for all those who had lived horrible starts like her, for the two kits she had come to care for. She couldn't let them live in a kingdom where such a tyrant ruled with power. She could still see the bright white of the king's fur, and she ran, pushing herself to go faster, before she lost him and he disappeared behind a corner she could not follow.

xxxAfter following him down several more corridors, listening to him speed up and slow as if he were toying with her, she finally caught up to him, just moments before he could hide behind a pillar and get her first. She knew she wouldn't reach him before he finished slipping behind it, so without a second thought, she through the dagger, watching as it made it's mark in his chest, and he fell to the floor with a broken breath. The king was dead. From across the castle, she heard another scream, one of pain. The queen was dead too. She had failed her mission, and the queen was dead. A sob hitched in her throat. At least the king was gone too, and he could hurt no more.

➤ proceed

[76heart]

630 words

xxxBefore anyone could stop her, or a guard could corral her in with the others, she ran to the stairs, dodging any guard that tried to grab her and ignoring the shouts for her to stop. She shed the turquoise garment as she quickly climbed the stairs, undoing the clasp with ease and not even nothing to look back as it fluttered to the ground. The kingdom needed it's queen, she had to save her. She could not let the kingdom lose it's hope, and she had to protect that. She had to protect one of the final light's it had left, even if it seemed to have already been snuffed out long ago. Nubia would not let the queen die, she would not.
xxxNubia ran faster, urging her six legs to go as fast as they possibly could, urging them to beat the seconds she was racing against. She had to get there before Kenei's hired assassin, she had too, she just had to. She had to make sure she was safe, she couldn't let Erast go without her, she was their only hope at it becoming prosperous and beautiful again, the last hope of things returning to how they were before the Tyrant stabbed her husband in the back. She had to save her for the kingdom, and for all those who had lived horrible starts like her. She couldn't let them live in a kingdom where there was no hope at goodness again. They were criminals, thieves, like she used to be, and if she let the queen die, and the king live on, if they were captured, she feared what would happen to them.

xxxThankfully, she had memorized a map of the castle before arriving, and it was not long before she made it to the queen's room, where the door was hanging wide open, one of it's hinges broken, and the wood splintered by the lock that had been forced open. There was a long scratch along it as well, where it looked like something had been thrown. Her heart sunk, and she was filled with dread. Was she too late? Was the queen already dead, had the scream been hers? Gods, please don't let her be dead, please, I'm begging you.
xxxShe darted inside, and felt herself fill with more relief than she knew was possible. She wasn't too late, the queen was still there, still alive. The queen was pressed against a her window, eyes wide and filled with fear, though they held no light, and they looked aged with years of sorrow and misery. The assassin, who had been slowly creeping closer, whirled around and turned on Nubia, his eyes going wide. Apparently, he hadn't expected to be caught. For a moment, she locked eyes with the queen, who looked even more scared than she had a moment before. Did she assume Nubia was there to help? Her heart fell again, and her eyes were trained on the assassin.
xxx"Go, before I kill you as well!" He growled, stepping toward her menacingly. He was wrapped in something dark, she could only see his cold eyes. Void of all feeling. The monster's mark.
xxx"I can't let you do that." Nubia returned, approaching him in turn, drawing her blade.
xxxShe didn't get to see his reaction to her words, because he pounced on her before she gave one. He knocked her down, his claws digging into her sides, but she launched him off of her with the paws of hers he had neglected to sweep from underneath him, knocking him into the bedpost. He tried to get up before she could, but she was upon him first, and it was his life, that was ended, as she shared a look with a grateful queen.

➤ proceed