but the him he did not recognize was maybe the most honest him. kind of misshapen, a ball of clay
fallen off of the table, but honest, and left to shape himself into the image of himself, of someone he
wants to be ── a bottle of all of his own emotions, there was no place in the castle to let them show.
to cry was to leave himself vulnerable to people that would see it as a weakness, and to laugh until
he snorted was to lower the position of the royal family with his unseemly nature. but now, outside of
the castle and his title as the prince, that bottle of emotions is shaking like a soda can, and there is no
one to have to hide them from ── but, not used to showing them or really getting to fully feel them,
he all of a sudden feels them strongly, and his emotions feel too big for his chest. howling laughter
that's too loud for any situation, or broad gesturing with his arms in anger or in emphasis, crying
because the sky is beautiful and the grass is soft under his feet. everything is new to him and god,
everything is beautiful to him ── the ghost of his upbringing is with him all of the time. it is haunting
his manner of walking when he is holding his head up high and walking with all of the grace of when he
is dancing, and it is haunting his manner of talking when it is well-mannered and tailored to the person
he is talking to, but there is a kind of distance from him. he is everything he was born to be, inside of
the castle and outside. and it scares him. the roots of his family tree strangle him from the inside out
── in the forest, he is alive. there is no end to the energy and curiosity for the world that fills him,
and though there is a lot of it that the cub doesn't know, there isn't any of it that he isn't going to try
and learn. with no knowledge of something to think about and assess a situation with, he will run
headfirst into it and learn it himself, and has a habit of offering himself up to do chores that he
knows how to do in theory, but not at all in practice. maybe he'll burn a pot or two, maybe he'll gather
poison ivy. maybe he'll burn poison ivy? ── battling the feeling inside of himself that he is a coward
for running, that leaving his position as the prince before his coming-of-age ceremony will do only
harm, and with the feeling that he is selfish for staying with the group despite that. he isn't ready to
go back, and he doesn't want to leave the group yet. he will leave claw marks in the surface of the
earth to stay with them if he has to ── if his home isn't back at the castle, with the king and queen
and a crown on top of his head, then he's really hoping that he's found his home with the others
here, nothing but the wind and stray leaves in his hair. he will do anything for them, though it can be
hard to show that through stilted speech that's still a little too formal and laughter that's a lot too
loud ── he doesn't know who he is yet. a misshapen lump of clay that's trying to shape himself into
the image of the people that he loves, and with a fear of letting those same people down with who
he is, or who he ends up being. but today he is dancing in the rain, and he is wholly, undoubtedly alive