TheComfortCorner | V.10

[raezel]

phone call anxiety is so stupid man, how am i gonna be at my big age and have to cry between calling different places just because i hate making phone calls so bad. i got it done but at what cost 😭

[♥ mizu]

i am SICK OF THIS RESIDENCE MANAGER.
my friend got gated because she'd ordered food during a weekday which apparently now is a gateable offence? so now she can't sign out or go anyway or do anything for a week. i was going to hang out with her on the weekend. so i went to the manager's office to see what was up and she just told me to mind my own business and ask my friend about her being gated. she was like, "this isn't your business" so i told that it was, in fact, my business, when she's unable to come to our plans which we'd arranged prior. gating somebody over something as simple as ordering food is ridiculous. we used to do it all the time. and now it's banned..? what. the. hell. like what. whattt

also it's just been. a weird day. my first class was crossfit and it was exhausting, nearly threw up (tasted it in the back of my throat 😭😭). i hate crossfit. i have exercise induced asthma which sounds like a copout but i got diagnosed by my doctor and she really doesn't want me exerting myself too much. i literally can't breathe and my heart starts to sting. it sucks because i like exercise and i'm pretty decent at most exercises. anyway my classmate nearly passed out as well, most of us did so i'm glad i wasn't the only one. i was honestly one of the luckier ones.

then my post earlier: this girl who i guess i should call a friend will not shut up. and she's so belligerent, i can't get over it. she constantly interrupts people and derails the conversation. she only ever talks about boys and i've tried talking to her about it but she won't even take the time out of her day to try and listen. just deflects the whole time. she's rude to my other friend and just a jerk in general. i'm supposed to like her so i respect her and tolerate her i guess but she's a real bother. i think the other girls feel the same and i know my best friend does so i'm not alone. i shouldn't conspire against her so i don't really bring it up, it's just a personal distaste.

and finally. i can get this last part out here, which is what i really want. it finally happened: the boy i've been ranting about on here FINALLY told me he liked me. FINALLY. i always knew it. and idk. it's eh. i don't think i feel the same. but for context we've known each other for about 3 years. he NEVER talks to anyone and doesn't really speak much english even though he's lived in this very english city for as long as i've known him. he can say a few things but that's about it. i really don't know his english level because he sort of just nods and goes, "eh?" every so often. sometimes he goes, "so, so". he speaks japanese and finds it really hilarious when he teaches me a new word and i try to mimic him. anyway.

so we were in the great hall with my best friend and he pulls me aside - he says, "[mizu], can i talk with you?" i said, "yes", knowing exactly where this was going. he said "i like you" i said "i know" and was like "it's ok! we're friends, we can be friends". so he asked for my number and i gave it to him. bless his heart his hands were shaking and he was trembling so hard 😭😭😭💖 i told him it was ok. i honestly don't know how he feels about this or if he even understood what i said. we said bye and whatever.

idk i don't feel the same way. and even if i did i just couldn't do it. our conversations are entirely one sided, he makes facial expressions while i talk. i don't really know this boy. another concern is that both i and my parents want me to improve my financial standing even more and i just don't think we're on the same level unfortunately - i know that seems incredibly self centered but it's important to me.

also i just. i hang out with him because he's all alone. i've known since we met that he liked me. i've ALWAYS known this. i've always tried to befriend the loners and it always works. i try to make them feel comfortable and unfortunately this happens sometimes. i don't know. maybe i was leading him on. i think it's great that he was brave and honest though, i appreciate it. i think he's a nice person.

but it's so awkward. how do i proceed with this? he texted me "hey", i said "hiya, i admire your bravery yada yada yada" i didn't say exactly that but he hasn't responded. will he be at school tomorrow? will he skip? will we sit at the same table? will we wave at each other in the hallway like we always do? what will happen? will we giggle at my terrible japanese pronunciation? i don't know. i don't really want to. i don't really feel remorseful because i've done no wrong, i just feel awkward.

[demodog]

snip

[venus_of_the_sky]

I had two exams today. One I hope I did decent in but the other I failed. Not too worried about the failed one though because I am given two attempts to retake it. I had conflicts with friends regarding schoolwork but its getting better now. School is almost over so most I probably will talk to them about are hobbies and what we will do over the summer.

I am reconnecting with someone I use to be very close to. Right now, we are in a stance of being comfy around each other. We usually fight a ton but the past couple of days have been calm. I hope this keeps up and we are able to spend time with each other without negative feelings and hurt.

Personally, I am feeling exhausted. I feel so burnt out, from all the school work, activities, clubs, volunteer, and personal hobbies are keeping me busy. I really like logging into here and just participating in a bunch of forum games. Wished I had more time to just play games and do art.

[Hawk WillowWatcher]

School stands for:

Six
Cruel
Hours
Of
Our
Lives

[OKULTRA]

i have a research project due tomorrow, which i need to finish the slides and write notes for,
i have two assignments from this class too on top of that,
i have a mountain of laundry to do, its only getting worse, and i cant find the time to do it, and im running out of clothes,
i desperately need a shower but i can't find the time,
my room is at least two months in of being a major wreck,
my boyfriend seems indifferent to me,
my grandparents are pressuring me to go to college this year instead of the gap year i was planning this ENTIRE YEAR,
i need to get a job, but to do that,
i need to start driving, but i have no car,
i don't know what i want to do in college,
i don't know if i can afford college,
i'm scared to graduate and lose touch with my boyfriend and friends and lose my place of [vague] belonging,
i have more assignments for math i haven't even considered touching and they're just piling up too,
i need to see my therapist tomorrow but i feel guilt every time because our class-period-long sessions cost $130,
i have, legitimately, one friend left,
my body feels itchy and gross and i feel alien and hideous and i'm painfully aware of how much my depression makes me unsightly,
and now i'm at risk of homelessness. again. homelessness means i have to flee everything i know and love. again. for the seventh time in my life. and i dont know what more loss this will entail much less how much more i can take.
i don't want to keep powering through. i'm tired. i don't have time to be tired anymore
ever since i broke up with my ex i've felt myself ebbing away. my sense of self is weaker than ever. i don't know who i am or what i'm supposed to be like. my interests, my passions are all waning.
i don't know what i need, much less what i want


edit: also my [really expensive] mouse has a problem with double clicking like 95% of the time. ive tried all the home remedies i can but i cant afford nor have the time to get it fixed and its making doing my project Really Hard

[marciplier]

had to leave the reunion early so they wouldnt see me cry. i left my paper in my seat to talk to my mom and when i go back someone is using it as a table... i didnt want to bother them so i left and when i come back shes sitting all over my stuff. I ask for it back and everyone starts laughing at me and she spilled stuff all over it. of course. of course of course of course. none of my friends showed up and my elementary bully had to take my seat.

sitting in an empty car bawling my eyes out is not how i expected today to go

[Saiun]

My mom is getting emergency surgery for her back. I'm a bit scared. I hope everything will be okay.

[qtip]

how do i rip off my skin and change my identity? i dont want anyone to know i exist, not even my parents or close friends i wanna go missing

[amaoretto]

nervous ~
i need to get a new job, ive been at my current one for like 4 years and that's too long there...
ugh but how am i supposed to leave the people ive spent the last 4 years with ???? hhhh

im so comfortable there. but change is uncomfortable and needed.
im so hgftcyfgvfhgh

// have to remember that management is not very good and they are using us,,