. ＬＥＴＴＥＲＳ Ｉ ＣＡＮＮＯＴ ＳＥＮＤ .

[. silent]

ＬＥＴＴＥＲＳ Ｉ ＣＡＮＮＯＴ ＳＥＮＤ

no posting. this is for me to just vent out my feelings and get it all out. hopefully, none of you mind. this isn't directed at any of you guys, but to people in my real life. these are my feelings, not yours, and if you steal, well...consequences. I don't really know why you would want them anyway, but whatever.

letter number 1;; you

letter number 2;; person I disgust

[. silent]

dear, you,

I've liked you for, what, almost a year? Yep. Exactly. You're one year older than me, but so what? That doesn't necessarily matter. I haven't said this at all, to anyone but I love you. Love you a lot. You don't even know this, though. You don't know the true feelings that I feel for you. You don't know that every time I see you, my heart melts. Every time I wake up, and go to sleep, you're on my mind. That I try talking to you, but I'm too scared to. That I talk about you almost every moment of my day. That I just hope, for once, that I'll get to sit next to you for that 28-31 days in class when we switch desks. That my knees get weak when you ask me for something. That I get tongue-tied when you talk to me - if you ever do talk to me. You just see me as a normal, weird girl a year younger than you that 'just has a stupid crush on you'. No. It's not even near a crush.

It's more than that; it's hard to explain. I went months, and months of being jealous of you when you're with other girls. Fighting with my friends of liking you. Losing them over you because my ex-best friend started liking you. Crying myself to sleep at night of all I went through. Trying to bite back the tears when I try and talk to you, but fail because you got bored or walked away, not interested. Being so insecure about what I look like, what I wear, and if I'm perfect enough for you. Just for you - no one else. Wondering if I'm skinny enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, better. So after going through all of this, I told you. I sucked it up and went up to you, and poured out the few words that I would kill myself to hear from a guy like you - "I like you, a lot." I walked away, after you said, "Okay."

I went through all that pain and fear to say that, and you say, "Okay?" Really? I waited two months. It's been two months. Nothing. No words, no explanation, nothing. All that, and nothing. I don't get it. I just don't get it. And you'll never like me, I know that for a fact, because no guy like you, or anyone else for that matter, has liked me. For years, years. Actually, never. I just really like you, and...I'm so confused about all this. But I know what I'll get : nothing.

x - storm

[. silent]

dear, person I disgust;

I hate you. I hate you for the stupid, idiotic, backstabbing liar that you are. You and I? we used to be "best friends." Right. So you just would "accidentally" blurt secrets out in front of my parents because you "forgot", or it was a mistake? Yeah. A best friend would protect that secret even if her life depended on it, just like I did for you. I trusted you. You "supposedly" trusted me. I told you my secrets, my lies, my history, my life. You would never tell me a thing. Maybe I shouldn't of fallen for the trick. The evil, killer trick. My real friends, who I had been not paying much attention to the past few months started hanging out with me again and telling me the evil and awful things you were saying about me. So, I confronted you. Why, why would you deny it? I know when you're lying, even if you have that god forsaken, dying innocent cover over that witchy, evil, lying, backstabbing, horrible, ignorant, selfish, stupid, fat, ugly personality of yours.

They all fall for it. That stupid, but sweet face. That giggly, annoying laugh that makes me was to stuff a thousand ear plugs in my ears, and that sticky, soppy smile that has glimpses of liar beneath it. You made me sound like the bad guy. You lie to people, continuously about the "things I've done to you". They turn on me. To tell the truth, I never thought I'd freaking despise, hate, disgust, be horrified of you this much. It's torturing me to see you be friends with my friends. Come over and talk to the people I talk to. Like, really? I turn around and go talk to another person and one minute later you come up to them and start talking to them. LIKE SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!?!? It makes me want to LITERALLY rip your head off and pound you into the dust. I can't, though. And you just love seeing myself be tortured by your "sweet" self. Girl, you have a lot of serious problems.

You came five years after I came to this school. In Grade five. I came in grade one. It's been, what, eight years, or even more, since I've been at this school, and you been at this school for, like, three? I was friends with all the people I'm friends with now before you ever were, so why the hell are you telling people that I'm jealous of your friends? It just makes me want to laugh so hard. You say that I'm always friends with the people your friends with. Are you that dumb? In case you didn't notice, I've been at this school five years longer than you. Oh, so I always like the people you like? Really? You sure about that? Because I've noticed that when I told you who I liked, you would act all disgusted and then a day or two later you would go around saying that you liked him and that I copied you.

I've never, ever, ever, ever, ever times one million, been so disgusted of one person. Hated one person. I wish you were NEVER born. NEVER EVER went to this school. I HATE you. Literally. You blame me, ALL the time, make my like MISERABLE, and enjoy it. They always believe you because you're the innocent nice girl. You're the one stealing all of my friends and telling them horrible things. Every person I become friends with you turn to them. from the way you treat me, you never deserved to be on this planet. I hate you, you filthy, lying witch.

x- storm