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Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
-The Scientist
name;;Tobias Nathaniel Ryan is his full name. Most prefer to call him by Tobey; he doesn't mind either. So let's call him by that, eh? Nathaniel is his father's name, as is his last name Ryan.
age;; He is at the age of seventeen.
date of birth;;Tobias was delivered to the world on the fifth of July at six twenty three A.M.
height;;5'10
body;;He has always been skinny, although has filled out slightly as a teenager. He is lightly freckled; his freckles become more apparent during the summer periods.
hair;;A medium brown; not a dark enough shade to be pronounced as "dark brown."
eye colour;; A deep chocolate brown, with golden flecks. Quite pretty, actually.
skin tone;;He is slightly tanned. Please note when I say slightly. In the summer, he goes up a shade on the scale. However, he burns just as easily as everyone else.
piercings and/or tattoos;;Nil.
Tell me have you ever wanted
Someone so much it hurts?
Your lips keep trying to speak
But you just can't find the words
Well I had this dream once;
I held it in my head
- We owned the night
A couple of years ago, the words that would have described Tobey's appearance would have been Gawky, Long Legged, Disheveled hair and a slightly lost expression cast across his face like a shadow. Fortunately, he has grown into his body since then. He is still on the skinny side, but his hair at least looks as if there is a hairbrush in the household. Sometimes.
Tobey's hair is a medium brown and is of a length he considers to be just right; not too long, not too short.
Tobia's eyes are a chocolate with light golden flecks- a girl once told him that they were most incredible. He inherited them from his mother; his father has blue eyes.
His cheek bones are prominent, with freckles lightly dusted across his face. These become more apparent in the Summer. Tobias isn't overly fond of his freckles; he hates how vulnerable they make him look. As a kid, his freckles were another thing that he was given grief about.
Tobey generally tries to dress well when going out in public, i.e school. He's self conscious, something which developed from experiences in primary and intermediate school where he was bullied. Being judgmental is a trait which he hates the most in others.
Sick of this treatment, Tobey wanted a fresh start for high school which kicked off with making sure he wore clothes that others would not give him grief about. His social standing improved in high school; the kid who nobody liked evolved into the skinny though rather attractive boy who never really talked to anyone else other than the popular group drop-out Ana-who constantly smoked- and a selective few from the artistic-type crowd.
Being born and brought up in New Zealand, Tobey has an accent. He's only been living in the U.S for a year or so.
"When I was a child of seven years, my mother would ask me why I never had friends, never tried to make friends and inevitably did not want friends. She would say "For goodness sake Tobey, stop being so d*mn shy!" But that was the problem; I was painfully shy and stuck with my uncertainty rather than to try and befriend the children of primary school.
"Teachers tried and failed in many attempts to get me to interact with others. Exasperated shakes of the head and many parent-teacher meetings later, people finally gave up on me. And eventually, other kids stopped ignoring me and became the beady eyed vultures from my nightmares, human vultures that searched for prey to victimise. I've had my fair share of of horrid nicknames over my childhood. There was a lot of thought put into some of them. When I told Ana of them, she laughed for A Million Years. And then she hugged me and sincerely promised to keep me safe from the Big Bad Children. I don't think she quite understood how much the bullies had ruined my childhood. But she tried to understand. Which is something I wish that my mother had made more of an effort to do.
"My mother and I never quite saw Eye To Eye. She didn't understand me; there was no mother to son connection between us. I know that I must have been a handful- a son afraid of other kids, a son who never talked to anyone other than empty space, a son who didn't know how to say what and why. But she should have still loved me. Maybe she saw me as her failure. Dad was better but he was never home; always off with work, off doing something, anywhere but home. My mother walked out of my life when I was exactly ten years three months and twelve days old. On my eleventh birthday, I hoped that she had sent me a card, a parcel, a note, anything to show me that I was still important to her. Two weeks after I thought that it may have been temporarily lost in the post, but was coming never less. Fours months later I realised that she didn't care.
"I never knew the exact reason why she left us. I suppose it was mostly likely because of me and because of Dad. They never quite got along. Dad was calm and easy going and hated arguments whereas mum was the opposite; strict and proper and all formal dinner parties with colleagues. I guess opposites attract each other. Sometimes they bring out the best in each other. But often, such as in my parent's relationship, they continually collide again and again.
"I still miss her depsite everything. I love her and I hope that some day she remembers that."
One could describe Tobey as observant. His eyes are always watching, assessing the situation. Not a lot gets past him. It could be that he's constantly on guard, wary that someone will once again find enjoyment in treating him cruelly. At the age of twelve, some boys once tried to stick his head down the toilet. Tobey never quite understood why he was treated so differently, why his shyness and inability to talk to strangers made him a target. As a result of the bullying, he never said two words more than he had to to anyone other than family up until intermediate.
Sarcasm isn't something Tobey finds the need to use. Or sees the point in. How are jokes at he expense of someone else funny? Or why would you say something if you didn't mean it? Tobey isn't a liar; he's probably one of the most truthful people you'll meet. Saying this, Tobey doesn't weld his opinion like a weapon.Hurting others is the least thing he wants to do.
Shyness is still something which shadows Tobey with every step. He isn't as shy as he was whilst growing up as a child; he has better people skills and can put his feelings into words. Tobey feels anxious when around large groups of people and tries to avoid these social situations as much as possible. For example, the school cafeteria. The library is a good place to look if trying to locate him.
Kindness is something which Tobey firmly believes in. Once you can get him talking, you will probably discover it and love him for it. That, and the smile that lights up his face, something which he doesn't and never has done enough of. He sees the world as in need of a little more kindness and understanding. Tobey has the ability to be able to listen; he prefers that the attention is not on himself.
Tobey thinks that everything happens for a purpose. Some people are to teach you a reason, some are the reason. He is often consumed but the fear of being insignificant and small, something that no one would miss if he were to disappear. Tobey wants to do something about it, but isn't sure how.
I swear when I grow up,
I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
-The Gambler.
"As I got older, I did become more comfortable in social situations. So when high school rolled around, I received the second chance I so much desired. On the first day of high school, I chose a seat in the middle of the English class. (A calculated move; I did not want to appear a try hard or to be kicked off when the "cool kids" rolled in.) A girl with hair the colour of candy floss sat down next to me and after staring at me for a moment with her head cocked to the side pronounced that my eyes were the most incredible thing. And then she proceeded on to introduce herself to me as Ana and would I by any chance like to join her for lunch today as didn't want to spend her high school years with friends that were not worthy of her presence.
Ana quickly became the best friend I'd never had and the girlfriend I never thought I would have.She told me that she loved me and I believed her. But Ana got sad. I tried everything to bring happiness back, loved her as much as I could. But it wasn't enough and Ana took her life around a year ago.
"Around six months after her funeral, Dad decided that it would be a good idea to leave New Zealand for good, since all it held for me was shadows and empty spaces. Dad's family all lived in the U.S; he had come over to New Zealand when he was in his twenties. So off we went, not leaving any family behind as after Mum left we didn't stay in contact with her side. All they gave us were excuses so we erased them from our lives."
Tobey isn't exactly looking for another girlfriend as such; It's pretty hard just to move on from someone who had such a big influence on his life. Someone who made him happy and helped him to become more confident. He is only attracted to females; that is just who he is.
Tobey writes with his left hand and gets frustrated when he smudges the ink as he writes. His favourite colour is light blue although could not explain why other than the fact that he likes it. He is very fond of chocolate and warm weather. Tobias dislikes corn and sea food and being wet and cold.
