~Santinel's notes~ (just have to let out my frustration)

[santinel]

stalkers/fans of my thoughts:

none yet. i'm not surprised.

Introduction (You wanna get to know me, right?)

Yes. I am santinel, and i was born 1997 june 28. I'm easily annoyed, you often find me in a corner reading, writing or drawing. I am not afraid of being a "loner" as my classmates likes to call it. they are. if they sit with me, and nobody else, they go like "Oh, now i feel like a loner!". I feel sorry for them. i only use makeup in birthday parties etc. I have a very intricate story, at least it feels like that. i could make a story of my story... and i have a very big imagination, i'm easily scared, and i see auras. yes, AURAS. nothing weird with that. and i have deja vu's all the time. well, back to my story. (I'll try to short it down)

I live in norway. when i was 5-6 years, my family and i moved to ireland, since dad got transferred there due to his job. he works/worked (explain later) in IBM. we moved back to norway two years later, and i started school in norway. i had been going to school in ireland too, so i could speak english perfectly, making my level waaaay above my classmates, as they where on the 'i can see a bird' part of learning english. Always been a level above my classmates, appearantly i was smarter than them. My teacher actually complained i just read non-fiction and never novels (lol). So he said i couldn't read non-fiction if i didn't read novels. (stupid teacher). now i guess i'll have to tell about the dad/IBM thingy, here we go: in 7 january 2007 dad died of thrombosis. I wouldv'e made this longer and more dramatic. but i'm lazy right now. (i'm often lazy)

that's all you need to know for now!

[santinel]

I just want to break free from this cage of lonelyness. inspiration hits me so inconvenient, always when i'm supposed to do homework, at school, or when i'm supposed to sleep. if school wasn't such a hell, this wouldn't be a problem. But school is, in reality, hell. all my life i've been struggling to get free, trying to break out of this cage. what do i get for it? nothing but pain, pain, and even more pain. it's needless too say, i'm hurting. my heart's bleeding, and it hurts. Yeah, now i'm supposed to do my religions homework, but as you see, i'm clearly not. I want to write! i dont know how many times i've mentioned this to myself before... way too many times at least. why should i care? i want to live my dream! I'm going to be a novelist one day, but these idiots of some teachers push me down to the ground. theire annoyed that i write in my math books, science books, etc... you name it. and then what? you read all that stuff, no comments? no critism? stupid math teacher dont read. what do you want me to say? "I'm sorry i was writing in my math notebook, i wont do it again, i wont express my feelings, I'll just turn emo instead." Something along these lines? i would probably only killed myself! i wouldv'e commited to suicide! or started cutting myself! like, i cant decide when i get inspired, it's my brain. you gonna do brain surgery on me now, huh? didn't think so. like, just now i got this great title. "Aid for the dead." and how much do you care? you want me to write about nelson mandela, so duh. i've just 'wasted' (In your opinion) 10 minutes of my life writing this. and guess what? tomorrow i'll have this test about fairytales. fairytales, you hear me? God, i'm totally screwed up. like anybody would even read my notes. now, if you actually do, you just have to comment on the fairytale part. god, how screwed up can this get? my teachers appearantly doesn't have a lot to do.

[Marian5390]

I understand what you mean. That was bugging me for ages too, until I started writing in bed at night. I just turn the lamp on, grab a notebook and write. It's really helpful! And if it means a lack of sleep, then just think up some excuse to go to bed earlier and spend some time writing before you go to sleep.

[santinel]

But i do! but then when mom comes in and looks after me, she only complains that i'm not sleeping. I write in two different, (Kinda three with this one) one in norwegian, and one in english, where i also doodle a lot. I dont think i could go to sleep earlier, cause then my little brother would just go: 'what? your going to bed before me?' and then he starts laughing. it ticks me of. like, now i have half an hour to write the thing about nelson mandela and then write it over on some paper before school. luckily i started writing it yesterday before inspiration hit me. ok, sorry, i have 23 minutes. stupid.

[santinel]

Ok, I'm banned from my computer in fact. sucks! I really needed this forum... to let out my feelings, cause i have a LOT of feelings, and i get really frustrated if i cant get on, and start to cry, and... This is the signs of addiction -_-' BUT, it's just strange if you punish your daughter for writing. i write on the computer 75% of my freetime. mostly roleplaying, but still writing, and in a different language from my own! god, how annoying...

[santinel]

I'm calmer now... what should i've done without this thread? I seriously dont know...

[santinel]

I feel great today. though i've managed to spill this enormous amount of ink on my beddings, i'm fine! like, i was up until four in the night, and fell asleep with my computer on the pillow. must've been a funny sight. haha, mom was pissed off.