Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW2vZA2wnPc
Hello my fellow travelers. Today you can sit by the fire with me, if you wish, in order to rest and regain strength... Read, rest, sleep, draw, write, work, play a game, use this relaxing playlist for whatever you want and as a safe heaven for you and all of our siblings to rest and enjoy some peace time.
"In times of stress, it's hard to make for one's own. When you can't be sure who you are, whether you are safe, and if you should hate yourself, you lose confidence and ability," the tortoise said, nodding its head gravely as it spoke. It had lived ten thousand years, so it knew what it was talking about.
"Sure thing, tortoise," I snorted back.
"My name is _______," it said. Its thinly covered irritation was obvious, but I was hardly about to mention it.
A tortoise that had lived ten thousand years surely knew and understood the virtue of patience. Unlike a callow youth like me.
It snorted, in a tortoisey way, upon hearing that. How silly. So much purported age and it hardly had learned the value of disdain.
"I'll tell you what, old one." I decided to 'throw it a bone', so to speak. "I lived a world a thousand times. Maybe more, maybe less. The idea to count didn't occur to me until after I'd lived it for lifetimes, because I lived it naturally. I lost my youth in that world. I tossed away opportunities with friends until I began to shrink into myself in fear. I followed guides like prayers, advice like recipes. I gave it my all."
Pausing for effect, I glanced at the tortoise. Its solid eye was fixed on me, instead of the floor.
"But, never once did I lie and say that I was happy. If I did, I would have stayed there forever."
I closed my eyes. I flexed the tips of my fingers and my toes, from outwards in. Next to me, the tortoise was speaking.
Was this love? Was this not love but the even higher, self-love?
It felt like love.
"In the towns built next to each other, there was no formality. Just a desire and love for the fellow renmen. No need for obsessive thanking and 'I love you' prayers. A smooth, relaxed hope between you and us."
The tortoise's speech stalled. Eyes dark, skin ridged.
Could I really have once admired such mawkish hopes?
I said, "It's been ages, you mountain. Any love quickly became lost to fear. The end result of people here is to become a black hole of need, too afraid to do anything but stay inside. Unlike you, I don't have a perfect wish fulfilment society to fall back on. The fear is too strong."
Its eyes narrowed. "What do you suggest, then?"
"Feed me."
"Whatever you'd like," it said smoothly. "Will you use my name?"
"You don't have what I need to eat. So..."
It seemed willing to drop the point.
"I trusted you, you know? I thought you meant something. I thought you were a heart instead of just a voice. But as it is, you are arrogant and empty. You ignore things you don't like, and don't see how personalities don't come out of nothing."
My hands opened and closed, fingers squeezing palms and coming up again.
"I am the sole link. I don't do something as short-sighted as linking up worlds anymore, much less people. And you are not worth talking to."
It's said that tortoises won't die for a hundred thousand years. Age might even bridle this one a little.