mooney's stuff

[mooney]

feeling like writing lately so i'm gonna be posting it here

please don't post anything here! :>

[mooney]

the ground shakes
but i stand still.
how unfathomable it is
that this once was a place i belonged.

i reach for your hand in hopes
that you will reach back for me.
that we will run off into the sunset, together.
leave this place behind, together.
and the ghostly touch of your fingers lingers for a bit
before it vanishes.

the ground crumbles below me.

[mooney]

the vines grip around my ankles
slowly climbing up my thighs
and around my wrists
my arms
they slither up around my stomach
tightening around my chest
and pressing all the air out of my lungs
i can't breathe
i feel my heart thundering through my entire body
as the vines creep around my neck
i can't breathe
they tighten
i can't breathe

[mooney]

i can't sit still.
my friends talk to me and their words are just whispers from a great distance.
what is she trying to explain to me?
my head feels light and my stomach feels full.
a heavy rock is lying in the depths of my abdomen
and i can't sit still.
i clean my entire apartment.

[mooney]

i deserved you
but you didn't deserve me

[mooney]

in september you laughed when i told you i'd judged you. i said of course i had. then you told me about your crazy ex, and i didn't tell you anything about anything, really. you tried to ask, and i gave you one word answers. when i left i almost wanted to kiss you goodnight. you looked so pretty. in october you were quiet. so was i. in november i met you at the bar once, but i went home crying that night. you texted me to ask if i was okay, and i replied to you three hours later. your message had a heart in it. in december you initiated conversations again, and you invited me over in the middle of the night. we lit a fire at 4am in your apartment and talked about love. i remember everything you said. you didn't have a shirt on. i wanted to reach out through the space between us and touch your face. i think that was the last real conversation we had. january. february. march. april. may. june. july. in august i asked you if you were single. you said it was too late.

[mooney]

i miss everything, all the time.

i miss the places i used to live, the places i used to go. i miss the long narrow staircases, the infuriating doors that were too heavy, the rooms that were always too cold, and the maze-like layout of it all. it really was like hogwarts, wasn't it?

[mooney]

i am simply prone to the early sunsets and dark days
cause they leave me hollow, lingering, yearning.
and don’t get me wrong because i love
the candles
and the big sweaters and the hoodies
movie nights by myself
wool blankets and wool socks
and all of the lazy sundays.
and in all fairness i love the blazing summer sun too,
and the after-parties and the long nights and the heartbreak and the vulnerability and the endless work days.
yet there is something about the crisp smell as soon as you step outside.
i’ve always been in love with it, i think.
but when the leaves fall off the trees and the sun sets at 4pm
i no longer find joy in the things i used to and
i don’t see my friends anymore. i’m falling
into a pit of darkness and i don’t even try to reach forward in case anyone is there to catch me.

[mooney]

ways to say i love you: a list

1) "i love you"
2) "i'm proud of you"
3) a hug
4) "are you okay?" "yeah" "are you sure?"
5) "i miss you"
6) "did you eat today?"
7) "you are my favourite person like ever"
8) "we should do something one of these days"

[mooney]

my bags are filled to the brim, the zipper on my backpack doesn't even close.
i toss them in the backseat of my car
as i lock the front door for the very last time.
my body is aching, my heart is on fire, my soul ablaze.
if i were a wolf, these people would have been my pack.
i don't intend to return anytime soon, so
i lock the front door for the very last time,
and like a wolf, i run into the night.
i don't look back.