── your past becomes your god

[lol]

i exhale with a sort of countering crudeness. when did things become so dark? the backside of a woman's hand graced my left cheek with welcoming warmth. "drink up," she murmured.
the woman handed me something that could've appeared like a cylix in the dark, and so, i drank. it was hard to concentrate as the woman's sillage lingered so close to my personal proximity, but i didn't verbalize this for i was too tired to. and, after the gaping silence... came a storm.
"you got caught in resfeber. it's quite common for people like you. next time, slow down." the bowl filled with warm water was taken from my frail fingers, and slowly, i started to sit up. it was almost as if i was unable to speak. the woman noticed this and stood up herself. "i'm going to go. perhaps, listening to the clock tick will remind you of where you are. don't take your time for granted. when you're ready to leave, then you may leave." without another skip of a heartbeat, she was gone. and as promised, i listened to the shrill ticks of the clock go by. upon not noticing, i had left. i myself had transcended time on my own terms.

[lol]

you draped your head like a curtain billowing off the cusp of a railing.
what you did... it was wrong.
even your own denial mixes around searching for justification.
sickly sweet hands forge for approval. your head bows up just enough to catch a glimpse of your own dark, brooding shadow.
you miss it all and for what? validation.
you can never pull back the time that you lost because of what you craved...
was it worth it? do you miss it? where even are you in this moderation called life?
nothing but an abundance of dead roses stray at your feet. it was a rough night.
you lost your confidentiality... everything about you is a faux pas.
you are not real because you define yourself as validation and nothing but that.
grow from your truth and grow for your past.

[lol]

overlapped workings,
undeniable stance of stress,
i'm quite unhappy.

[lol]

i find myself to be in a sort of dilemma as of late. my future is blossoming more and more as the spring flutters to the bat of each butterflies wings. i'm supposed to be celebrating my accomplishments alongside my friends but... i can't bring myself to do so. what is there to celebrate? that i'm a day closer to the end? everything moves so quickly and i'm the sort of person who's always stuck in the past, never the present and definitely NEVER the future. i infinitely dwell on how my life was going all the time, but now that i'm supposed to be celebrating the future— i feel ultimately strange. i want to be happy for everyone, no, i need to be happy for everyone, but i'm not. i don't think i'll ever be deemed 'presently there' for anything. i'm not proud of what i've done... why is it something that has to be celebrated? what, living life should be commemorated? going through the hoops of day-to-day life and just living should be a big whoop? so what, we all do it. we all wake up and take on the day, the week, the month, the year with what strength we're given. celebrating that feels so impartial, selective, and strange.

no matter what, i'll try my best to be there... to be present for the event. i highly doubt i'll feel the excitement that everyone else is facing, but that's besides the point. here's to another day just living; i guess i'll celebrate it.

[lol]

cased celebration
our lost minds worship the end
so, here we are... done.

[lol]

dark skies filled with saffron snipes of stars are cascaded by two silhouettes running amok rooftops. each foot grounds from the first metatarsal bone to the sole in a sloppy, yet quick manner to get away from one another. they both mutually heave, their breaths coincide with the humidity and dense air. it isn't until she hops off the roof that they both hold their breath. mixtures of moiré colors from street lights and billboard signs blind the woman who jumped first. she doesn't care though. her fear scale is little to none while the woman tailing after her is uneasy; not because of her own safety, but the woman's irrational response to jump off a roof made her worried. a coalescent call maneuvered from the lady behind, warning the female in front of her. there wasn't a response, just another brief second of them falling in silence... until they both luckily landed in a local trash bin. they don't say anything to one another, instead they pick the half-empty ramen noodle cups off their hostesses and sit. it wasn't until the silence was broken by a mirthless guffaw that they realized the situation they were in was comical. the night seemingly ended as soon as they came to that realization. hands, voices, and hearts bounded together over the same likeness. they were irrational love.

[lol]

scratching at an itch that was never there,
stubbing your toe on thin air.
you project your feelings onto a friend,
they're imaginary.

holding your bated breath,
an odd sentiment to death.
there's nobody waiting for you,
but tattered winds.

[lol]

oh to be kissed in the plight of snowfall
with nothing but bare chapped lips and shivering frames.
i'd do anything to be enveloped into a warm hug
mustered together like penguins huddled for fervor.
bringing together our noses to briefly touch in comfort
and yielded with nothing but commiseration.

[lol]

i reminisce of the dream i held last night. it stands vague, but there is some billowing resemblance of things i remember. i was standing out in the middle of a street. cars flew past me as if they were on a race track. my hair billowed in all possible directions, you didn’t mind it though. i never noticed your sudden appearance until there was a slight brush of a gesture forced upon my back. shifting my heels, i turn around and immediately take note of what was in your hands. roses. the roses you held were a spectrum of colors: orange, pink, yellow, and red. i was confused by your outward hand, a blur of your face slinking into the atmosphere. nothing slipped from my lips, all i could do was gawk at the bouquet in front of me. my hues intake the unfurl of flowers, but you just stare at me. a dreamy unfold of your features stuck on me. i finally glance up, perceiving your happy go lucky grin. my stomach feels like brose- churning around in apprehensiveness to what this exchange of roses was about. nothing. blank slate of a kind gesture disappeared as quickly as it appeared within my dream. i stirred suddenly, a hand fetching the hem of my blanket in comfort. i didn’t quite understand it, but now i see you within the roses in my life.

[lol]

hi to those who either have this thread bookmarked or just happen to see this. i haven't forgotten about this thread and i know it's been a very long time since i've touched it. i'd like to start posting my drabbles again. as far as i'm allowed to say on this site, i'm an english lit major! so, i would love to expand this slow growing catalogue of my works. thank you to those who still keep up with this. it's been so long. . .