░░░░ o y a s u m i ░░ ▷ a journal for lys

[lysander]

ive been sitting in the valet parking lounge for an hour and its midnight

rip

[lysander]

ok there are so many things i need to cover so ill make a bullet list for later

- boyfriend talk
- my pal alex
- my pal clar
- general con going experience this year
- nice anon messages ive gotten
- also note to self, you should really update your blogs

[lysander]

 

ok let's do this

so first two days of convention: i probably sat around waiting for my pal for about 7 hours total, mostly on friday where i basically waited for her to remember that i existed as she went off to do other things and never answered her phone

this is pretty typical behavior from her tbh which is disappointing bc shes An Adult and cant even do something as basic as ... be cognizant of other people. so those two days sucked and i could go into more detail but i mean, i waited in the valet parking lounge until 12am until she was finally done doing panels

i mean its not really her fault bc she was my ride so i cant really complain but it wasnt that that bothered me as much as the fact that she didnt tell me her plans first, which id think would be pretty important if we're going to con together?????? she just?? zipped and zoomed away without so much as a warning

anyway yeah im never going to con with her again. i always forget she pulls these kinds of stunts and no matter how much i tell her she doesnt seem to be aware of how much inconvenience she causes other people

so saturday and sunday i went with my boyfriend and one of my pals and it was an exponentially better experience. i always have a good time with my boyfriend but alex came with us and we met up with miso and played card games and screwed around with some VR stuff, it was a lot of fun and i think i introduced people to new friends

the saturday we got back from con, i sat in the car with my boyfriend how a few hours just talking about stuff. let me tell u, if u cant have heart to heart convos w ur s/o u need to reconsider bc thats what i think makes a relationship work. you cant be afraid of talking to them openly and without rancor. anyway it was a Deep Talk and weve had plenty of these types of talks before but itd been a while so it was nice

a little insider info: ive been dating this guy since i was a freshman in hs and its been about half a decade (actually a bit more now lmao) and the relationship is still goin real strong. i laugh a lot with him all the time bc we both love to laugh and be silly and we both have a stupid sense of humor so its ... rly good. tbh our relationship is #goals

so the con ended up being a lot of fun, i got more nier:a merch than i expected after seeing basically none the first day and... well my cosplay never came in but thats ok, ill have it ready for next year

:lc i think thats about all i need to note aside from the fact that i need a job and classes start up again soon. i hope i wont be too busy...

 

[lysander]

 

wait i totally have something else to mention

this isnt directed at anyone but i guess hanging out on cs has made me remember a few things
here it comes heres lys bein a preachy ol prune

but fr tho, its pretty common to see people constantly self-depreciate themselves for some reason. i mean its not uncommon to have low confidence in yourself but how you feel doesnt necessarily equate to what you do or say. so like, i never see this kind of stuff around my usual circles (ie., twitter) ... its a little jarring to see it honestly

let it be said that i never understood the purpose of constantly saying guilt trippy stuff like "no one likes me" or stuff like that bc saying those things doesnt make people like you more. i mean i thought it was painfully obvious but i guess...??? not???? and look, wanting attention is a completely OK and valid thing, but like???? dont do it in a way that FORCES people to say something, bc like... if you dont disagree with the statement "no one likes me" that automatically makes you an ass for saying NOTHING. i hate that. objectively and logically speaking it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for "no one [to] like [you]" so saying this kind of stuff is a blatantly manipulative way to get attention

instead of doing that... just? say something else? like "ive been feeling ______ lately and i could really use some cheering up"... this isnt guilt tripping. this is communicating your needs to other people. people are nice. they will offer you an ear or some company if you seen receptive. but asserting stuff like "no one likes me" or something similar... it makes me feel like whatever i say trying to help someone will fall on deaf ears

holds my head. this is a highkey pet peeve of mine

 

[lysander]

 

the cool thing abt being open and honest abt ur feelings is the side effect of ppl generally trusting u more bc they figure if u rly had an issue youd probably tell them and therefore u just seem more sincere and genuine altogether

ok i got this on my sarahah

>i love you and i cant think of any criticism. all i know is that iou really inspire me by publicly posting how you practice your arts and deal w life..

IM REALLY GLAD TO HEAR THIS !!! 100% i wanna inspire ppl??? like not even necessarily through art or writing or whatever it is that i do but like?? by just being there and being honest !! gosh this is such a sweet comment it makes me happy wwww i actually noticed it before but i totally forgot to make a comment ;;;;;!!!!!

i actually have another blog for more formal personal essays that delve a lot deeper into my niche interests (like the avant garde or like these weird concepts/ideas i really love playing with) as well as my depression/anxiety/whatever else is up with me... its a lot more formal and i only make a post every few months... so this journal here is about the closest thing to a Real Journal.... :lc im thinking i should probably transfer these entries to my soup.io blog too bc ive been trying for so long to keep up an actual blog...

i actually came here to talk abt these songs that have been major inspo for me lately but i just tired myself out so i might... save that for another post... or like idk just ask me bc i have some highkey aesthetic inspo and feels already just from listening to these songs for days

WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION i went to eat at my bf's gpa's house today and like, my bf's uncle literally looks like some kind of asian gangster, like hes got the wifebeater and tattoos everywhere... but like... HE"S SO NICE.. HE S LITERALLY THE SWEETEST MAN IN THE WORLD AND HIS TATTS ARE OF HIS KIDS AND HES JUST THE NICEEST SWEETEST MAN HES SO NICE AND WARM AND WELCOMING IT MAKES ME WANNA PUNCH MYSELF IN THE HEART

he kicked my ass in chess today too
GOD HES SUCH A LIKABLE GUY IM SO GLAD HE EXISTS .. he actually does have a violent history so its kind of wild.. like drugs and everything.. but hes since cleaned up and im so happy for him hes just. such. a good person. im crying

 

[lysander]

i have the worst headache
my insomnia is killing me slowly lmao i only get <6 hrs on the reg

note to self for bunny adopt: some art, weapon explanation, rpg moveset

first day of class today
i... want to sleep...

[lysander]

my body hates me
i am too tired to journal abt the recent things that have happened but let it be known that lys hates mood swings

[lysander]

this was sitting in my gaia inbox and...
i don't have much to say except holy crap this is the sweetest thing i've been sent ever?????

[lysander]

 

tfw you're a natural giver and taker but the other party does neither
it's like why even bother being in a relationship at that point

no this isn't about my boyfriend, it's Other Stuff

in other news: wth @ mood, can u not

 

[lysander]

 

it's not that i expect strangers to care necessarily but
seeing the lack of traction on my twitter feed with first they killed my father on netflix is...
well. i shouldn't be surprised. i guess to most people it's just another genocide movie about poor kids from a third world country
i guess i would've liked it if it seemed like more of my mutuals cared about something that's deeply important to me but that's what i get for expecting things? like not even in a "lol everyone sucks" way but more like, "really? you should have known"

also the US is complicit in the khmer rouge to a certain extent (and certainly the secret bombings) so i bet the history books are all hush hush