sang rouillé

[Reiji]

leave me

username: vent

[Reiji]

name :: gabriel adams
gender :: male
age :: late 20's

personality ::
gabriel is a man with a complicated yet sensitive mind. it's not easy to predict what he would do but you could probably easily manipulate him if you tried. he's irresponsible and quite unstable, he can't take care of himself or function without anyone to hold him. he keeps away from others despite this, as he had completely believed that he only brings burden and misfortune towards others, that he isn't worth anything and that he's simply a failure and a waste of time. he talks to himself– not like the ones portrayed in media, he talks to himself in his mind. a slightly more aggresive toned version of his voice mocking him and fueling his self-hatred. he couldn't stop, that voice had grown with him ever since he was a child. it's now like a separate entity. an entity that once had encouraged him, helped him get through things, be there when no one would. it changed. he hated himself due to the things he had done. his inner voice mirrors that hate. the once calm, happy and optimistic voice.

gabriel rarely smiles and is in a constant state of paranoia and anxiety. he wanted help but due to his past and difficultity socializing, he can't. he wants to feel okay, to be happy again. then again, life isn't always sunshine. for some people, however, it never stops raining. gabriel loves the rain. he's been so familiar to it that he prefers it. he wants warmth from time to time, but, alas. he doesn't have that anymore.

theme song :: • weird inside – wishing well

playlist ::
• mortywave.sad
• killedmyself – streetlights
• killedmyself – dont worry about me
• killedmyself – you'll be back soon, right?
• ntrltaste – unfaithful
• joji – besidju
• joji – i don't wanna waste my time
• synchronice – illusion
• xxxtentacion – vice city [explicit]

[Reiji]

after waking up from his coma, gabriel often have very
disturbing dreams. sleepless nights aren't strangers to
him. they're not usually something he'd recognize. every
dream is drastically different than the one before, a new
adventure everytime he closes his eye. not the fun ones,
though. it's not uncommon for the dream to somehow
predict the future, albeit vaguely. this, however, drove
him slowly to madness. sometimes, the dreams felt
so real it's hard to wake up from it. having your own
mind killing you isn't an ideal situation. he lives with it,
though, due to his asocial nature, he doesn't have any-
one to turn to. no one's to blame. you did this to yourself.

why don't you cry yourself to sleep, again? you're
an expert at that. you've always been a burden.
get help. see how that works out for you, parasite.
you deserved everything coming to you. no one
loved you. why should they? especially when you're
at your worse. you're pathetic, always too scared
to do anything. look at what happened now. only
if you had the courage, you could've been better.
always hiding behind excuses, i could've laughed
at you if you were worth my time. then again –
we're the same person.

please.
gabriel.
wake up.

[Reiji]

your shoes barely made any noise as you ran across the mansion. you be careful not to slip and made sure not to make too much noise. he's here, searching for you, lurking every corner. from time to time, you could hear whistling, and you start running again, afraid of the outcomes of what will happen when he catches you. you had barely seen what he looks like but his whistling sounds familiar. the song he's humming with that deep, hoarse voice. it gave you this feeling of dread. he's enjoying this, torturing you. you're filled with anxiety. what happens if he catches you? what did you do this time? he said so many times to not do what he doesn't like, but you keep doing it. it's your fault. you're miserable and pathetic.

sweats drenched your shirt and you could feel you heart beating. you can't run anymore. your legs are weak and you're starting to feel sick. then, you heard it again, a cheery tune whistles through his filthy mouth. it's loud, so loud. he's right around the corner. what are you going to do now? just cower in place and surrender, like you always do? look around, find something. do something. find somewhere to hide, run.

you rushed to open the door to your left, but made sure to not make any loud noise and slowly closed it. with your back to the now closed door, your legs gave up and you catched your breath. then, you noticed someone in the room. her soft blue eyes gazed at you sympathetically. she's holding a paintbrush and a pallete– she was painting something when you barged in. neither of you liked eye contacts but both of you are looking into each others' soul windows. yours filled with fear. she seemed familiar. an old, dear friend. then again, you don't have anymore friends, do you? — with a reassuring nod, you confirmed to her that you're okay, despite everything, and she nodded back. a half-finished painting laid infront of her and she swiftly painted the canvas. you watched her, and as if time was just an illusion, the painting was… finished. no, she stopped when it could have been. "there's no way to finish this." she whispered sadly and walked away somewhere else, disappering and leaving you. your eyes focused on the painting. it's a portrait of you. smiling. happy. you understand what she meant now.

someone knocked the door behind you, hard. there's no locks and you felt the door being pushed open. oh no, no, no. you got up as quickly as possible and looked around you. there must be somewhere to hide, to run. you noticed the other door inside the room and slammed it open, tears forming in your eyes. you must run, he can't catch you. so you did. your legs ached and you feel tired, but your adrenaline and fear forced you to escape. he's behind you now. good luck.

you try to open the only door in the hallway. it's locked and he's behind you. no, it can't be. it can't end like this, not again. you already escaped before, why did he come back? why does he care about you? tears poured out of your eyes as you begged for the door to open. your throat hurts. you felt a sharp, painful sensation on your back, then a blunt, powerful blow to your leg. you fell, all four limbs on the ground. the leg's pain was what hits you first. it's numbing and you can feel your leg throbbing. he broke your leg. you don't want to look at him but you know he's right next to you. then, blood poured out of your mouth. he stabbed your abdomen. it hurts and you want it to stop. but you don't want to give him the pleasure of you saying sorry. your vision fades to black as finally, you lose all your strength.

gabriel sipped the contains of the yogurt juice box quietly as a familiar song played in the background. the yogurt is both sour and sweet, it tasted weird but he likes it anyway. he had woken up half an hour ago, sweating and crying. he rushed off the bed as he rushed to the kitchen, his mouth feeling dry. his throat actually hurts, as if he had been screaming or talking. what was the dream about, again? he remembered it the moment he woke up, but has forgotten it once he calmed down. 'do they still deliver at this hour.' he thought in his head as he glanced at the digital clock to his right. 4:46 am. he turned on his laptop and goes to the pizza website to order. he was panicking, but now his mind is empty.

[Reiji]

you're standing on water. pure water. there's nothing supporting you and you feel so… lightweight. so free– distant from everything. around you, as far as eyes can see, is an endless nothing. the sea beneath your feet is calm and you can feel the soft breeze brushing against your fur. you shivered, something's not right. Smshe loved the sea, said that it has a life of it's own. lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice that it had started raining. are you supposed to do something here? you don't know what to think, to feel. the rain soaked your whole body and you feel cold to the bone. it had gotten harsher and you can feel the sea raging. the sound of the rain is calm, but the environment around you says otherwise. what would happen if you fell? why are you here? what did you do to deserve this? a thunder striked infront of you, making you stumble slightly and protecting your eyes.

upon opening them, you see a figure. they don't seem hostile. you know who it is, actually, as his figure became clearer when you finally recovered from the strike. his multi-colored eyes faced you and recognized who it is immediately. "you don't seem too good Gabriel." his soft, innocent voice sounded genuinely concerned. you used to ask him for advices. despite being younger than you, he's the wisest person that you had ever met. "sometimes, when I'm on my adventures, I'll walk on water- crazy, I know." kudda's cheery voice echoed in your head. he's quite a strange fellow, never stayed in one place for a long time. you actually envy him. "but I do, and it's pretty easy. you just have to find your balance." He smiled, turning around. as if demonstrating what he just said, he took a step forward towards the direction his body is turned to. he looked back at you one last time, eyes filled with hope. "Just like in life." he walked away, smiling. he did that when he left, too. he gave you one last piece of advice and wished you well. you wonder when or how did he get used to it. leaving others behind, despite having bonded with them. doesn't he ever get lonely? these thoughts was interrupted when you could feel your body pulled into the sea the instant he took the second step. your heart skipped a beat.

the light from the surface of the water was the only thing you could see as you descend into the depths. maybe you were wrong about this being an ocean, since it doesn't hurt to open your eyes. you try to not breath, but, really, what's the point? no one is going to save you. it's like you're hoping someone would. maybe you deserve this. an involuntary breathe burned your lungs and throat as the water began pouring it. you want air, you needed air. you can't feel your body, you feel too weak. you're going to drown and die here. the water that you breathed in made you sick and you could feel yourself choking. your body struggle but you're too weak and the pressure made your lungs hurt. this is it. really anti-climatic and painful, isn't it? guess that's just what life is. some people just have it better. some… don't. your vision is red, you're coughing out your own blood. this may be a dream, but it felt too real. in the corner of your darkened vision, you see a figure. it's her. she's watching you, and she doesn't care. she wanted to see you drown. you close your eyes, losing you consciousness to the waves.

once again, gabriel woke up. sweating and breathing heavily as his upper body stood. he clutched his head and lie down to his side. what a nightmare. 'please help me' he chanted inside his head, as if pleading to a nonexistent god. his hand reached for the bedside table as he got a hold of his phone. opening the lock in a hurry, he started his playlist and laid the phone next to him, hugging his pillow. the same playlist that had played over and over came out of the wireless speaker next to his bed. he never bothered to get new songs, but this is enough for him. gabriel is a nostalgic person and while he loses interest easily, usually finds himself going back to the same thing after awhile. really pathetic. maybe it's about time he get some new songs.

[Reiji]

translations:
sang rouillè :: rusted blood
je t'aime :: i love you
suis-je réveillé ? :: am i dreaming?
all of these are french, as gabriel is from a french background.

character mentioned in first dream :: kyar's opal
— a close friend of him but they kinda lose connection and opal
didn't visit him in the hospital. she's a painter.
character mentioned in second dream :: kudda, a wilx of mine. no ref/page woops
— kudda travels the world and despite being good at making
friends, he also leaves them behind a lot. he uses artifacts to aid him in his journey.

what actually happened to gabriel?
my idea was that the story is really left out and isn't directly
mentioned as to what actually happened. but as you can see,
it's poorly executioned because I was soooo stressed.
but! gabriel is a child that came from an abusive household.
he's undiagnosed with some mental illnesses that makes his life
hell to live in. one day, he fell off a building after an 'incident'
and since he doesn't have anyone that's close
to him anymore [making him utterly alone], his sanity started declining.
the incident is just his abusive girlfriend that he loved to much
broke up with him- she's the only thing that keeps him sane,
despite always taking advantage and manipulating him.