❛ the lazy writers ❜ V2

[The Worst Username]

@Kashii

I like that idea! I'm not in any fandoms, so I don't know much about Pokemon, but maybe you could have a list something like this for your character:
Intelligence/Cleverness (how good they are at devising and improvising plots for Pokemon capture): x/10
Strength: x/10
Speed: x/10
Stamina: x/10
People skills (could they convince passerby to help them?): x/10
They could also be more skilled in catching certain types in certain regions and areas--maybe they've got a 6/10 on aptitude to catch fire types, 2/10 on catching Pokemon in forests, 10/10 in x region (I don't know what the Pokemon regions are), et cetera.

The only thing I'd be worried about is that it seems more like a story where the protag spends most of their time catching creatures, but there wouldn't be much character/relationship development.

Also, don't worry about us stealing your idea! I don't think (at least I hope) that we're not really the type of people to go around plagiarizing every good premise we run across.

@Maiz

I'll take a look at it. I can't really help much with writing something, though; I always get a bit stressed when interacting with people one-on-one while using the internet. But you could always post your story here, if you end up writing one!

Hey guys! I've been productively procrastinating my book, and I've written the opening to a short story based on a nightmare I had. It's quite short, so I was hoping you guys might give me a little bit of critique?

The girl lay back on her bed. Not quite an adult, not quite a teenager, she wasn’t quite anything. Not pretty enough to be pretty, not ugly enough to be ugly. But she didn’t care. At that moment, all she cared about was the book she was reading, about a murderer and the prisoner she had trapped in her house. She had picked the book up earlier that morning on a whim, and hadn’t set it down since. As a bit of a picky reader, she was excited to see who was going to get out of this situation alive.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t spend all day reading as she wanted to. Since she had started reading almost as soon as she woke up that morning, she hadn’t eaten. Soon her stomach’s yelling was too loud to ignore. She found the end of the chapter, and with the plot still racing around in her mind, she stood up and wondered downstairs. With her mind so focussed on the plot, she didn’t even notice that she’d made it to the kitchen.

Her house was quite large. Her father and stepmother both had good jobs, and so they along with her two stepsisters, one sister and one brother lived in a village. In the middle of nowhere, as she liked to say.

That will be all

Ooh, what happened in the rest of the nightmare--does she end up getting murdered like the prisoner in that book she was reading? This doesn't really seem like the beginning to a nightmare, which might be good; the reader probably won't really expect terrifying things to happen unless your story is named something like "the evil ghost vampire of doom".

There's only three things that I think you could work on:
-Description

You haven't described all that much much so far. Some things you might add are the girl's appearance besides "average-looking young woman", the house's interior, sounds/smells of the house and outside, et cetera.

While you definitely don't need to lavish everything in poetic language, you could add some details like "not much light came through the windows; she had to squint at the page" and "the stairs creaked like squeaking mice under her feet as she walked to the kitchen".

-Show vs. Tell

There's a lot that you're telling directly instead of describing. You've got a really clean, almost minimalistic style to your writing, so you probably only need to describe very important things. Just keep in mind to describe instead of narrate when it comes to stuff important to your story.

-Sentence length variation

Most of your sentences have at least one comma. Especially during action scenes, maybe you could try and add a few more sentences without them.

But that's all I have to say by ways of criticism. When you're finished with the rest, will you post it too?
And stop procrastinating! That novel won't write itself.

[winged-backpack]

@Worst

I've actually written some more since posting that, and it's gotten to the point where there's something in the house. I think I'm going to finish writing it then post it to my Wattpad (might get a bit gory/scary for CS) so I'm not going to spoil what happens (slight spoiler, this dream sent my clown phobia off the scale for about a week (if you're really interested PM me and I'll tell you about it )). Thanks for the advice, the minimalism was kind of intentional to kind of put the reader on edge. You know, it's not quite right. My dreams can be really weird and not quite vivid like that, and then become really vivid for no reason at all, and I was trying to get that across a little bit. I did more of the show not tell thing in the later parts. Sentence length is something I'm trying to work on. I just have such an intricate inner monologue and I can be a bit of an over-user of commas.

I'll definitely keep your critique in mid as I get onto the action of the story (which is the next part I'm writing).
It's about a page and a half so far, and I'm hoping to have at least 4-5 pages by the end

EDIT:: page 3 achieved!

[Ranger of the North]

Backpack, I like it! I totes thought something would jump out at her in the kitchen, though; you did a good job at making the reader or am I all alone in my scared corner? XD freak out when there's not yet any reason to. XD Suspense ftw! :p also can I get a link to your Wattpad? I want to follow this c;


Also, I haff wRRitten a po'm! cx

We see the beauty in the pain —
The story in the rain.

The wind it wails softly by —
And we wonder: why?

The cold stone of mourning —
The bright light of dawn —
Have one thing in common —
Their stories go on.

We see the beauty in the pain —
The story in the rain.

Time wanders by on a slow, cold march —
And we wonder. Why?

[The Worst Username]

@Winged

Actually, scratch that, I don't want a spoiler. But thank you for responding! And sheesh, you're writing quickly.

also can I get a link to your Wattpad? I want to follow this c;

Me too!

@Ranger

Nice poem! It's pretty succinct, but I'm getting some great imagery of time walking. I like what you did with the M dashes too. Also, when did you add that "im gunna poke youuu" quote to your signature?

[BucketORandomness]

so I've decided to try something new as far as storytelling goes. I'm currently writing a Pokemon fanfic, and I was debating how I should go about making the encounters all randomized (as seen in the games) when I got an idea.

my idea is to randomly generate everything ~snip~
so what do you guys think? and what sort of stats/skills should I have for the trainer? if you have any ideas, please let me know!
(also, please do not use this whole idea thing and claim it as your own ;v; it took me a while to come up with this riP--)

This, my friend, sounds like a wonderful situation ((Also, love the pokemon generator!)) I wish you all the luck in the world with this. As for stats, you could go for things like...
typical DnD stats ((Wisdom, Intelligence, Strength, Dexterity, etc.))
Elemental specialty ((Because the little guys come with different elements, right?))
Aim/Accuracy
Wages? ((idk. Do they have to save up for better pokeballs and meals and stuff?))

[Ranger of the North]

~snip~

@Ranger

Nice poem! It's pretty succinct, but I'm getting some great imagery of time walking. I like what you did with the M dashes too. Also, when did you add that "im gunna poke youuu" quote to your signature?

Thanks! glad you like it Hm, what d'ya mean by 'succinct', exactly? c: Is that a good thing in this case or not, in your opinion? c: hehehe. I like M-dashes c'x I think I put it in yesterday, or something? Usually a writer myself included, it's too much fun will say something like 'stay on my good side or I'll write you a horrible fate in my story' or whatevs. I decided to go with a more anticlimactic outcome instead, because anticlimactic-ism is just brilliant XD why, am I accidentally referencing something? o.o

[The Worst Username]

@Ranger

It's a good thing! It means your poem is short and sweet, basically.

Code: Select all

[b]What's the last thing you researched for a story?[/b]

[BucketORandomness]

What's the last thing you researched for a story?
Um...Something along the lines of the colors of various elements as they burn. I think I was looking for hair colors at the time, but most of the colors are the same, so that plan didn't work out...

[Ranger of the North]

@Ranger

It's a good thing! It means your poem is short and sweet, basically.

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[b]What's the last thing you researched for a story?[/b]

Oh good, thanks! ;D


The last thing I looked up was probably to ask what you guys'd do first in a foreign land new and improved google XD

[anxious ghost]

@backpack that was cool, though I've gotta say two things; I'm too much of a wimp for scary stuff, and I don't have a wattpad. Also I totally understand overusing commas; I do that all the time.

@Ranger I like the poem too, the imagery is lovely.

What's the last thing you researched for a story?
Um... Synonyms for incredulous. I think. And the definition of lamented.
When I'm not looking up stuff like "how to start a cult" it was research I swear, I'm looking up definitions and synonyms to spice up the vocab in my story.
I love reading and coming across a word I don't know, as long as it's just here and there; enough to make me look up a few things, but not so much that I feel stupid, ya know?
And my greatest strength in writing is descriptions, so I'm always looking for words that flow well and create strong visuals.
That was longer than it needed to be, oops.

I wrote some more of this nonsense last night! finally all I've done is try to get my sister caught up on Doctor Who. I'm such a slacker what even