Hey guys. There’s something I’ve been struggling with on and off since fall last year, and yesterday really was a huge step for me. I won’t go into detail, but I feel like I moved forward thanks to something that happened. I wrote a poem based on my current feelings on the subject late last night, and decided to post it.
Trust Betrayed
What once was anger has turned to fear.
He stole my heart and tore it here.
The trust he’d gained is forever broken,
And that stupid door can never reopen.
He told me jokes, but called me names,
Asked me questions, but used my answers to gain,
Access inside my compromised soul,
Where this rare friendship started to fill a hole.
We talked and laughed while inside I burned.
His light-hearted words were meant to hurt.
He caught me when the opportunity arose,
Knowing I’d be an easy one to prod and to poke.
My stupid heart and my dumbass brain.
All I wanted was a new friend, not pain.
I began to see his true self revealed,
Through the things he demanded to know and I keeled.
But when I refused he lashed out in fury,
Spewing sparks of hatred, my eyes going blurry.
Our argument went on until it could go no more,
We didn’t talk for months longer than four.
During this time my hatred only grew,
Festering and churning until finally I blew.
Tears poured out and screams erupted,
Letting it out uninterrupted.
If only he knew the torment he’d caused,
The way he’d misused me put my life on pause.
I couldn’t move on, it just wasn’t me.
I have a terrible knack for holding grudges, you see.
We were put in the same damn class,
Where my hatred grew vast.
Why couldn’t he just get out of my life?
And why was this causing so much damn strife?
Finally, he talked to me as if nothing had happened.
After months of my heart turning more and more blackened.
Did he want to be friends again? Hell to the no.
I knew who he really was, no matter how he tried so.
Never an apology, never a smile.
Just cheap conversation that went on for a while.
And then came the thoughts, waves crashing in.
What if he was trying to lure me back in?
What did he want from me, what could I do?
My mind became a whirl wind, anxieties flew.
Fear replaced anger, terror replaced fear.
My image of him distorted, no longer clear.
The thoughts became dreams, nightmares they did.
In my sleep he chased me while I ran and hid.
I woke up in a great big gasp for air.
I was alive, but could not recover from the scare.
I saw him in class through different eyes.
I was afraid and ashamed of believing his lies.
My grudge had finally started to fade,
But my bravery was the price I had paid.
No longer was the anger festering inside,
But worries crawled all throughout my mind.
A creep, a jerk, a cruel little bastard.
If I’d never met him, would my life have been better?
Perhaps, but then I would have it too easy.
This lesson was important, though perhaps a bit cheesy.
I can now tell when someone’s bad news,
And can keep my distance instead of gaining a bruise.
I may be hurt, and the fear is still there,
But I’m grateful I had this burden to bear.
Despite my throbbing heart and head,
I am stronger for it, and can now look ahead.
thanks Teya for doing a lil bit of Beta reading for me! 
