*critique me* (you post, I critique)

[LaurelLeaf]

Hi, I'd like it if you could critique my drabbles here. I don't mind if you make it public

[Cadin Araceli]

Zodic Link***

I am just going to give some general notes. I think that overall you do have a good base for a story here, but you are rushing everything!
There is a huge info dump of character and then expect us to remember them all. You don't really develop your main character before you take her into the different situation. You also have her for two chapters reiterate that she wants to leave but it feels like home but she misses her home but... bla bla. It get's a little boring and repetitive to the point that we no longer care.
I think it would be best for you to go back and re-read this. It seems that you have a story line planned out and you are trying to rush us a long, but now we are confused. So go back, expand. And give us more info on the people, on the main character, and try to keep the repetition down.
I think it could be really interesting if you weren't rushing it so much.

[still]

There's something in that old desk of mine-
something besides wrinkled felt and broken pens

There's something new-
something that hums out its song and demands to be heard

Something that carves its way into my consciousness,
twisting and tangling in a rush of emotion

Something that won't stay quiet,
won't be confined.

My words.

Could you please critique this? I'm new to poetry and would like to get better. I don't mind if it's public

[Cadin Araceli]

Hello! There has been quite a lot of you guys needed critiques, and I am the only one who is doing any of the work. So I am going to finish up what has been sent in before this post, and then will be closing up the thread for good!
Sorry for all those who were wanting more, it is simply too much for just me to handle right now.

[Barnes&Rogers]

That's a shame :c

I hope you can manage to continue with writing/critiquing when you are able, and thank you for all the critiques you've given me c:

[cup of cocoa]

Zodic Link***

I am just going to give some general notes. I think that overall you do have a good base for a story here, but you are rushing everything!
There is a huge info dump of character and then expect us to remember them all. You don't really develop your main character before you take her into the different situation. You also have her for two chapters reiterate that she wants to leave but it feels like home but she misses her home but... bla bla. It get's a little boring and repetitive to the point that we no longer care.
I think it would be best for you to go back and re-read this. It seems that you have a story line planned out and you are trying to rush us a long, but now we are confused. So go back, expand. And give us more info on the people, on the main character, and try to keep the repetition down.
I think it could be really interesting if you weren't rushing it so much.

Thank you for the critique!

I'll definitely go back and edit out all of the repetition, and I already know that the first chapter needs to be redone so I'll make sure to redo it so that there is more info on who she is, etc etc. Thanks once again!