*critique me* (you post, I critique)

[Cadin Araceli]

LightClan

First, if you are going to write from two different views, make sure that there is a purpose behind it. Giving different points of views, being in different places, ect. Right now, this whole thing could be written from either one of their point of views and it wouldn't lose anything. Also, try to put like a good size chunk between switched. Like minimum 5 paragraphs. Otherwise it can get really choppy.

Also, I feel like we need more background on this clan, and maybe a little more about lightclan? It seem unlikely that the leader would just be like "Sure, have fun! Hope you succeed." being that he would be taking horses from his clan and all. And give use a who, what, when, where, and why. We got the who and what, but where is this new clan going to be? Far far away? Or just over the hill? Is it decided yet? When is it happened? Soon? Tomorrow? A week? A month? a year? And why. Why now. Why separate. What brought it one, why tell the leader, ect.

Making sure that you know and show all this elements will help you move forward, and help round out your character later as it gives them stuff to react and eventually grow with.

I think the writing it self it good. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors. There was a fairly good mix of dialogue vs action, and it seemed to be moving at a decent pace! I would love to see what you do with it!

[jingle bells.]

LightClan

First, if you are going to write from two different views, make sure that there is a purpose behind it. Giving different points of views, being in different places, ect. Right now, this whole thing could be written from either one of their point of views and it wouldn't lose anything. Also, try to put like a good size chunk between switched. Like minimum 5 paragraphs. Otherwise it can get really choppy.

Also, I feel like we need more background on this clan, and maybe a little more about lightclan? It seem unlikely that the leader would just be like "Sure, have fun! Hope you succeed." being that he would be taking horses from his clan and all. And give use a who, what, when, where, and why. We got the who and what, but where is this new clan going to be? Far far away? Or just over the hill? Is it decided yet? When is it happened? Soon? Tomorrow? A week? A month? a year? And why. Why now. Why separate. What brought it one, why tell the leader, ect.

Making sure that you know and show all this elements will help you move forward, and help round out your character later as it gives them stuff to react and eventually grow with.

I think the writing it self it good. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors. There was a fairly good mix of dialogue vs action, and it seemed to be moving at a decent pace! I would love to see what you do with it!

Thanks so much for the critique! I really think it will help me out. c:

[cup of cocoa]

I'd love a critique please, if you wouldn't mind!

Link to the story.

[Cadin Araceli]

Hey! sorry I was super inactive for a so long and for some reason none of the other critics were either! I will be back and doing my job here! Sorry, again!

[Amethyst The Gem]

Hi there! Is it OK if I put this story up for critique?

It's another Star Wars fanfiction. I don't mind public critique.

viewtopic.php?f=57&t=3026870

[Cadin Araceli]

Alright! I should have everyone's works all added to the list! Let me know if you don't see yours! I will be working on them now. I have two large works in my PM box so please be patient (again) with me!
Thank you all so much!

[Cadin Araceli]

Just finished both PM'd works! for one of you guys, I was not able to send my reply. So....IDK what you want me to do with that.

[taffy;]

I was wondering if anyone could critique
my story here

It's a historical fiction/fantasy story, and it's the first time
I've written anything on CS! Any critique is appreciated, but
I would like it to be public!

[imp.]

mark

[Cadin Araceli]

I will get started on yours as well geeko.! Sorry, Zodiac link is a rather long story, so it is taking longer than expected.