View topic - Una

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Hello, so you want to know more about me, do you?

Well, so do I.
But here's what I know about myself so far.
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My name is Una; it means "remember,"
or "never forgotten." I find this meaning highly ironic.
My birth gender is female, though I've never quite
identified myself as such. I consider myself a demi-girl.
I can't remember coming to this conclusion, but it just
seems right. I don't quite know who I am, but I've
accepted this identity as a part of me.

A song that I hold close is Swingset Chain by Loquat. I
love this song; it feels nostalgic, though I can't quite
figure out why. The lyrics really speak to me, it
seems as though it was written about my life!
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You're curious what it's like to lose all memories of
growing into your adult self? It's hard being a kid in an
adult body, but I've been doing my best to make it
work! I don't have many memories to explain it,
but I'm more than happy to share the ones I do have!
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Swingset Chain - Loquat

There's a playground that we used to run on
The penny-drop that broke her arm
The monkey bars that you fell from
The swingset chain that stuck with my tongue
The imagery of frolicking and playing with my
friends on a playground is one of my most
treasured memories, and these lyrics help offer
me a clear picture of a hazy childhood memory.

If you want to know what that was like
I'll tell you first, it was way too quiet
It rained a hundred nineteen days of the year
I spent my time falling down the stairs
....
And then I'll have to figure out what to do
I'm kind of afraid I'm co-dependent on you
This chorus reminds me of my dear parents. For
your last memories to be from such a dependent
time in your life and then to awaken and be
thrown into the real world on your own? I can't
even begin to describe how confusing it is, but
these lyrics certainly are a good starting point.

You're a dandelion seed
That flies through the air
And lands randomly
Then disappears
This symbolizes my memories to me. I have a
few clear memories, but many are hazy. They
come every so often, and fade just as quickly
as they come.

I'm freaking out that we've started breaking down
Before momentum picked up
Now all these doors are locked
The trees trick you 'cause they're always standing still
But time is really racing by - you can see it when you drive
I think that this represents how detrimental it can
be to lose everyone close to you before having the
opportunity to say good-bye, or even live out those
relationships to the end. And now they're gone with
no chance of return. The line about the trees reminds
me that no matter how stable something may seem,
you can never know when it'll be gone.
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It's like waking up at a friend's house after a night out with them. The very moment you wake up, your heart stops. Your thoughts immediately start racing; "this isn't my bed, this isn't my house? Where am I?" Then you remember, your heartbeat slows and your mind is at peace once more.

But I can't remember.

Fading into consciousness, I wiped away a tear from my left eye. Why am I crying? Looking up from the teardrop falling off of my claw, I see a large field of bright green grass bordered by giant purple trees. I'm laying in a patch of grass beneath a single tree surrounded by fields. I don't recognize anything. Where am I? How did I get here?

Confusion takes over, "MOOOM?" I yell into the distance, hoping she'll hear me. I try to sit myself up, but my body is heavier than I remember it being and my legs are more tangled than the branches of the tree above me. Wincing in pain, I manage to sit up. I can't see beyond the tree line, how will my mom see me out here? "MOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!" I scream for her at the top of my lungs. Where is she? I could really use some band-aids right now. My legs are cut really badly and I can hardly see my fur through the wounds anymore. My heart starts pounding and my breath is getting choppy, but I manage to yell once more: "MOOMM?? MOOOMMMYYYY!!!" I look around for a moment, and I feel my heart sink further and further with each second that passes without a response from my mommy.

I laid back beneath the tree. Through it's long, thick purple vines I could see rays of light shine through, though I remained in the shadows. I looked through the branches for hours, watching as the sun went down, and the stars came out. It's nighttime and my mom still hasn't come for me. I wish she were here to read me a story and tuck me in. A nice lullaby could really help me sleep right now.

I finally manage to drift into sleep through my tears by singing myself a lullaby my mom sang to me every night.
Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

I awake to a rustling noise behind me. I cannot turn myself around to see what the noise is. It's far, but moving closer. I hear whispers. Whoever it is, they've seen me. I can only hope they will be nice and tell my mommy I'm out here and I need her to bring me some band-aids and my teddy bear, Stuffins.

"Hello?" the voice speaks.
"Hi" I respond, my voice shaking a bit.
"Oh my goodness, are you okay?" The voice asks, as the parrapup who owns it makes their way around my twisted body to meet my face. It's a kind looking woman with a camera around her neck, possibly out photographing the beautiful tree I'm lying under.
"No, my whole body hurts. Can you tell my mommy to come help? And have her bring band-aids and my teddy bear?" I asked the stranger, hoping they could help me.
The stranger looked really confused. It was almost as though she couldn't believe I had just asked that. At a loss for words, she said "How old are you? How did you hurt yourself?"
"I'm four and a half. I don't know what happened, I just woke up here." I said.
I could see the stranger's expression change from confusion to concern. "What's your name? I'm going to call an ambulance for you."
"My name is Una. Please can you tell the doctor to have my mom meet me at the hospital?" I asked the stranger, my spirits a bit higher now. My doctor, Dr. K, lives three houses down from us. Surely he'll tell my mommy to meet us.
"Okay, I will. You just wait here, I'm going to go to the road so I can show the doctors how to get here." The stranger said, as she walked away.

I lay on the ground, picking grass as I waited. I couldn't move my paws far, but I could pick a few peices of grass. I used my claws to tear them in half. On the ground, I made a picture of a heart out of the grass. Inside the heart, I made three figures, two large and one small. My mother, my father, and I. Soon I will see them again. I can only imagine how my mom and dad are out on the streets looking for me. I'll bet they went to all of my neighborhood friends's houses looking for me there, and asking their parents to look for me too. I can see the relief on my mom's face when she gets the call.

I see the stranger come back through the trees, this time with lots of doctors carrying a bed. I look at the doctors, there's three of them. I don't see Dr. K, none of these doctors will know who my mother is! How will mommy know to meet me at the hospital?

I was raised onto the bed and brought back into the ambulance. I asked one of the doctors, the younger man with the kind eyes, "Did you call my mommy and tell her to meet me at the hospital?"
The doctor looked back at me with a sad look in his eyes. He said "Your mom isn't here. She and your dad are in a better place now."
I was shocked. Who would take care of me? Who could I go home to? How did this happen? I asked the doctor, "Did you know them? What happened?"
He said "I treated them last week, they died from injuries in a car crash."
This wasn't possible, I told myself. Just two days ago I was drawing with chalk with my mom while we waited for my dad to get home. Then we all went for ice cream, I remember getting the rainbow cone. "You're lying! I just got ice cream with them two days ago!" I yelled at the doctor. "Call them and tell them I'm at the hospital!"

The doctor continued to speak to me as the other two lifted my bed out of the ambulance. "Have you ever heard of retrograde amnesia? That's when you can't remember things that have happened to you, and sometimes you can lose years of memory if you hit your head hard enough. We think you may have fallen from that tree and hit your head. I'm so sorry you had to find out like this."

As I looked around, nothing was familiar. This wasn't Dr. K's office. The woman at the desk wasn't there. Her bucket of stickers wasn't there either. Instead it was a big room with multiple desks and lots of chairs with people sitting around and waiting their turn to see the doctors. I was so overwhelmed I started to cry. I still hadn't come to understand that my parents were gone, I just didn't know what was happening and I'd never felt so alone in a world of strangers. I was brought into a hospital room and examined by nurses and doctors. I couldn't even think about the pain in my limbs as the examined them, I was only looking at the blank television screen. I could see a reflection in the screen looking back at me. The reflection wasn't my own. It wasn't me. My long, brown braids were not there, and my four year old body wasn't there either. The reflection wasn't me. The reflection was a stranger.

I tried to forget where I was. I thought back to all the fun times I'd had with my mom and dad. I remembered being in the kitchen with my mother one afternoon. She helped me set out a red checkered tablecloth on the kitchen table. We put out a glass drinking cup with water, and I went outside to pick flowers from the garden to put on the table. She helped me spell the dinner options for tonight so I could make menus for my 'restaurant.' I remember writing down 'Grilld chese' and 'tomato soop' on the menus. I made three menus, one for me, my mom, and my dad. I set them out on the table. When my dad came home, I remember how much he loved my restaurant. He thought the soup was really good, and I was so proud of myself for doing such a good job with my restaurant. It was rated five stars!

I remembered playing restaurant with my friends when they came to visit. I set the table out just the same, and all four of us gathered around the table. I had to stand because we only had three chairs at our family table. This time my mom helped us make baked beans and sandwiches. The beans made me have to fart. I didn't want to fart in front of my friends. I remember clenching my butt so tight that the air could never possibly fit through. But somehow it did, and it came out hissing really loudly. I had never had a fart that lasted for so long! All of my friends looked up from their food and started laughing at me! I was so embarrassed! But just then one of my friends spit his beans all over the table from laughing so hard at me! Then everyone started laughing at him! It was really funny! I couldn't help but laugh at the memory!

Baked beans are my favorite food! My Dad used to make the best homemade beans with fresh pulled pork sandwiches. Mmmm. For my fourth birthday, Dad threw a cookout party for the neighbors. I was in the backyard playing 'What time is it, Mr.Fox?' with my friends. It was my turn to be the fox. I could hear my friends' footsteps drawing nearer. Just as I was about to call 'midnight,' my dad yelled over to us that lunch was ready. All of my friends went running over to be the first in line to get a sandwich. I was mad that I didn't get my turn to chase everybody, so I yelled "Midnight!" I ran as fast as I could, and managed to tag my friend's little sister; she was a bit slower than the older kids.

"Hey! That's not fair! I'm not playing anymore!" She argued.
"Yes it is, it's my birthday and I make the rules!" I responded without hesitation
"But that's not how you play the game!" She retorted
Angry that she wasn't listening to me, I tagged her again. A little bit harder. Okay, a lot harder. "You're the fox now."

"UNA!" Mom yelled at me. I knew I was in trouble. Ears drooping and legs shaking, I walked over to her. "Say you're sorry."
"But mom, I tagged her and she won't be the fox!" I tried to make my mom understand, but she wouldn't listen either.
"Are you going to apologize for hitting her?" My mom asked, in a deeper, angrier tone than I'd ever heard her speak to me before.
"No, because I didn't hit her. I tagged her!" I tried to reason with my mom, but some people just don't seem to get it.
"Una, I think it's time for your nap." My mother said, dragging me back inside the house despite my cries for mercy.

Back in my room, I started to cry because she was being so mean to me. And on my birthday too! I just wanted to go outside and play with my friends. "Mom, please can I go outside? Do I have to take a nap?"
"Yes, Una, you have to take a nap. When you're better rested you can come back outside to play."
"Mommy, will you sing me a song?" I asked

I remembered my mom's face as she sat over me, and I remembered the soft tone of her voice, she always sang so beautifully. I remembered the song she sang to me that night, and began singing it to myself.

Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

To the peaceful memory of my favorite lullaby, my mind faded into sleep.

I want nothing more than to roll down this hill. I would die happy if I could just-
No.

No, I will walk like a normal adult. I have to teach myself how to behave in public, but I don't like it. I just want to act like a kid again - but I can't. I feel as though my mind is at war with my heart. The simplest desires, like swinging on the playground, rolling down a hill, or walking on the curb like a tightrope - are no longer mine to enjoy. As if adjusting to this new life wasn't already hard enough, this is just the icing on the cake. Every time I have to tell myself no, my mind grows stronger, but my heart and spirit grow weaker. Is this how growing up works? Your spirit dies so that your mind may live on?

As I continue walking down the hill, I watch the other adults walking below me. They look robotic. The adult-bot wears no expression, it is only programmed to perform the necessary functions - walk, eat, work, clean, sleep. This is what I must become in order to be 'accepted' by the others. I hate them for this. Why can't I be happy and be taken seriously? I decide I can no longer look at them, I can't bear to think about it anymore.

The bright blue eyes I had as a child have faded. Much like my bright spirit, they've grown cold. My icy blue eyes
seem to ward off others. I watch as people walk on the other side of the street to avoid walking my way. Slumping
down on a nearby bench, I wonder to myself, "What is so wrong with me? Why won't anyone speak to me?"

I feel the bench droop slightly. Looking up, I see a green parra sitting next to me. He has hair tufted along his back like the plates on a stegosaurus. He's far too old to play dino dress-up, yet he doesn't seem to mind the looks he gets.

"Hello, I'm Marsh!" He says cheerfully, looking over at me and catching my eyes before I awkwardly divert them.
"My name is Una." I say, with much less enthusiasm than him.
"What's bothering you?" He asks, trying to spark a conversation.
"I don't want to be an adult. I don't know how." I say, hoping he'll have some advice, though he isn't an adult yet either.
"Who does?" He responds, chuckling lightly

For the first time in days, I shared a genuine laugh with someone. For the first time, someone managed to see me through my icy blue eyes.

"I'm feeling ice cream, you?" asked Marsh
"Is that even a question?" I responded
He brought back two heaping bowls of chocolate ice cream with chocolate fudge, handed me a bowl, and sat next to me on his living room couch.
"Wow, won't your parents be mad if they find out you've spoiled your dinner?" I asked Marsh.
"Actually, I don't have parents. I'm an orphan, I've been on my own my whole life." He said, showing no emotion, which was odd for him, he'd always been so cheery.
"I'm sorry that happened, my parents just passed away. Funny thing is, I can't remember their passing."
"Oh, I'm so sorry! But I have to wonder, how can you not remember something like that?" Marsh looked up from his bowl and looked at me with a very confused look "I feel like that's something you don't usually forget so soon."
"I hit my head and lost all memories beyond the age of four and a half. The last thing I remember of my parents was getting ice cream with them." I began to nervously stir my chocolate fudge into my ice cream. It was nice to have someone to talk to about this, but the anticipation of his reaction made my stomach drop. I could feel a lump forming in my throat, so I took a huge bite of ice cream in an attempt to soothe it.

"I don't know what to say. That's terrible!" Marsh responded, and tried to make light of the situation, as he always did; "But hey, growing up sucks. If it's any consolation, at least you dodged a bullet on that one."
I swallowed my ice cream, it was oddly comforting. "Well, not necessarily. Now I have to grow up on my own."
"Join the club. It can get lonely, but you'll get through it!" Marsh said, placing a comforting paw on my arm
"I just don't want to be alone." I said, and I could feel the lump in my throat grow rapidly.
"Well, then let's be alone together."
I raised my head and looked him in the eye "Alone together!" I agreed, nodding my head in his direction

Marsh and I walked through a strip mall, browsing all of the clothing. There are parras everywhere, a few weeks ago I would've felt very alone and overwhelmed by the strangers around me. But with Marsh by my side I feel much more confident and secure. As we walk by the window displays, I feel as though I'm in a museum looking at clothing from another time. These clothes are nothing like the styles I'm familiar with. But Marsh seems absolutely captivated by them.
"I absolutely love the color on that dress! Oh, and the neckline on that shirt is awesome!" He exclaims, practically running from window to window, and pointing through the glass like a child in a toy store.
"You really know your clothing fashions, don't you?"
"Oh, thanks! I'd certainly like to think so, I want to be a fashion designer some day!" He says, eyes glimmering with pride.
"That's cool! I'm sure you'll make some great designs some day!" I said, "I'd love to see your work some time!"
He looked at me with a mischievous grin from ear to ear "How about now? Let's get you a nice new outfit!" He said, pulling me by the wrist inside the small boutique.
"These clothes all look so different from the ones I used to know," I said, looking around, and pawing at an asymmetrical black and white coat. "but I kinda like them!"
"A lot can happen in twenty years!" Marsh said, half-jokingly
"So what all have I missed?" I asked
Marsh chuckled, well "Children's cartoons suck now, they're nothing like the ones you knew as a kid. A black and blue dress took over the internet. And then Miley Cyrus broke the internet when she stuck out her tongue on TV. I think that's all the important stuff..."
"Dang, the past twenty years sound really eventful," I joked, smiling at Marsh's incredible knack for making fun of everyday things, "I wish I could've been there for it."
"Close your eyes!" he said, "and hold out your paws!"
I was not expecting him to hand me as much as he did, I nearly dropped the pile of clothing he handed me! In an attempt to catch everything, my eyes instinctually popped open.

"Try that on for size!" He kidded, with a look of pride on his face
In the dressing room, I finally managed to figure out how everything
was layered. I took a good look in the mirror, the outfit he picked out
was wonderful! I turned myself around and looked from every angle. I
looked good. I walked out to show Marsh, "Thank you, I love it!" I felt
confident in myself and my new body for the first time thanks to him!
The colors were great, and the shape of the clothes just seemed fitting.
"Yeah, I thought that would look good on you! You look great!"
He said, clearly happy to have been able to help me.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Marsh!
Thank you so much!"

"Una, I have something I need to tell you!" Marsh said, with a look of absolute elation spread across his face. "I got a job as a fashion designer! I sent my work out to a few places and I got it!"
"Oh my gosh, that's awesome Marsh! You'll do great! Tell me more!" I was so happy for my new friend, this was truly his dream job!
"I'll be interning for an up-and-coming designer! She has some fashion shows coming up soon and I'll be starting out tailoring her designs for the models, but it'll be great experience for me and I know I can easily move up the ranks!" He said, nearly crying from excitement. "this is something I've wanted to do since I was a kid!" His smile started to droop a bit, and I could see a bit of conflict spread across his face as he said "But, if I take the job, I'll have to move to the city."
I was crushed, I felt as though a ton of bricks had just been dumped on my head. This was an amazing opportunity for my close friend, but the thought of losing him was almost too much to bear. I'd come so far with his help, and I wasn't quite ready to say goodbye yet, but I knew I couldn't keep him here for me. "That's awesome, you should take it!"
"You really think so?" He asked, "I've never been to the city but I've always wanted to go!"
"Absolutely, it sounds perfect for you!" I said, swallowing the lump in my throat in an attempt to hide my sadness.

I could feel my feathers ruffle as the trains zipped by. The station was busy, parras were walking from terminal to terminal with their loved ones, and many others were standing around waiting for their train to pull in to the station. I sat on a bench next to Marsh. I watched as the wind from the trains passing ruffled his tufts of fur. The station was very loud, parra's conversations, automated messages over the intercom, and the sounds of the trains braking on their way into the station were all amplified by the dome shape of the terminal roof. But regardless of all the background noises, all I could think about was Marsh. It was as though we were the only two in the station. My heart was heavy with the thought of losing him, but the weight was lessened when I looked over to him. He appeared genuinely excited, this was huge for him. I'm not happy that he's leaving, but how can I be upset when my dearest friend is being given such an opportunity?

"I'm going to miss you, you know that?" I said, my voice shaking slightly. I could feel the tears welling up, and did all I could to stop myself from showing him. He needed to know that I'd be okay without him. He needed to concentrate on excelling, not worrying about me back home.
"How could I not? I'll miss you too!" He said, "You should come visit me some day, I'll give you front row seats to my first fashion show!"
"That would be wonderful, Marsh! I hope everything works out for you!"

I watched as a large, red steam train pulled into the station and slowed to a stop in front of us. It seemed to stretch on for miles. There were many passenger cars attached to it. I could see through the dark green windows that there were many cushioned benches with a yellow and green pattern. "Well, this is my train." I could hear Marsh say, but I couldn't process what was being said. I couldn't believe the time had come. I had been kidding myself about Marsh leaving. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't process the thought that he'd be gone so soon.
"Una, I just want you to know, we can still be alone together even when I'm not here. I'm only a train ride away." Marsh said, "Please do come and visit me soon!"
"I will, I absolutely will!"

As Marsh got up to walk toward the train, I wanted nothing more than to cling to his leg like a child. I wanted to cling to him and tell him 'No.' I wanted nothing more than to -
No.

I will be an adult about this. I will stand here and say goodbye to my friend with dignity.

"Goodbye Marsh!" I yelled after him as he raised himself onto
the first step of his assigned train car.

He turned and looked over his shoulder at me. I had never seen
Marsh cry before, he was the happiest kid I'd ever known. But now,
I could see tears welling up in his eyes and I could hear his voice
shaking terribly as he looked me in the eyes and said
"Remember Me!"

It took every last fiber of my being to speak through my tears;
"I will!"

Hidden Symbolisms:
The Wisteria Tree
Though Una cannot remember it's name, the purple tree featured in her story is in fact a wisteria tree. I chose this tangled, bright beauty not only for it's decorative factor but for the meaning behind it as well. A wisteria tree has many meanings in literature, but one in particular was 'memory.' Losing her grip in the tree ultimately caused her to lose her memory, so I thought this meaning was fitting. Another symbolism associated with the wisteria is 'victory over hardship.' I wanted this story to not only convey Una's traumatic loss of memory, but I wanted to show how she managed to overcome all of the obstacles and learn to become an adult once more.

Rock-A-Bye Baby
This one is not quite as subtle as the wisteria tree, but worth mentioning. When choosing a lullaby to feature in her story, this was the first to come to mind. The imagery of her mother singing of her baby falling from a tree was all too good for me to pass up. Especially in the first section, before the plot is revealed, I hoped this would add some foreshadowing.

Thank you for reading.

My gallery · by **gold** » Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:37 pm

ehh why not res.

Posting open <3

My gallery · by **vivi.** » Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:48 pm

oh my she's gorgeous ; u;

My gallery · by **gold** » Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:50 pm

Ah, thank you <3 I love my floof!

Based on	Click to view
Artist	gold [gallery]
Time spent	51 seconds
Drawing sessions	1
6 people like this	Log in to vote for this drawing

Una by gold

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