Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Piera]

Hey you,
How about you get off my back for the most menial of stupid reasons that you make up daily just so you can have something to yell at me for? Oh sorry? You don't like it when the tables are turned? So you get to be nasty whenever you like but you get one dose of your own medicine once and it's "wah me no likey?"

Boy howdy, isnt that a conundrum! Don't be nasty to me over LITERALLY saying I can't put my clothes in the wash because yours have been sitting there all, waiting for you to start them and I won't be nasty back! Maybe for once see that you were in the wrong? Instead of dredging it out to a stompy tantrum because I didn't just pile my clothes on the ground, like you seem to have wanted?

What was the winning move here? I take your stuff out? Beep, wrong. I pile my stuff on the ground? Nope! I mix my stuff with yours? Heavens to Betsy, that's the wrong answer too! Could I have started them machine FOR you? Nope! Cause surprise surprise, you haven't even put in half of your clothes. So tell me, what was the winning move here? Cause I honesty don't see it and it wasn't 'dont play' because that's what gotten my head chewed off.

[selkirks]

dear t,
hey. i love you. you were like family to me. please come back. i miss you and i love you. i always think of you. i always dream of you returning. i love you. stay safe

dear a,
i love you. i still do. im sorry for everything i did and said. i was stupid. i lost one of the most amazing people in my life. i love you. i will always cherish what we had and our time together. i love you so much. never forget that

[Resplendent]

G,

5 years ago today was the last time we saw each other... And I thought 2 and a half years was an eternity; the last time we went through a long-term separation.

I can't believe it was 5 years ago... Five. Half a decade. What's even crazier is that this year it will have been 10 years since I first met you. Ten whole years... Ten years since you changed my life and defined the course of my future.

The fact that we've gone a net 7 and a half years without seeing each other, and the fact that I STILL think about you and what an amazing human being you are says a lot. The years pass by and important dates like this one still linger in my mind. I often wonder if you think about them too, though I'm sure you're more preoccupied than I am.

Still, I hope you know that I am the person I am primarily because of you. And I say primarily because yes, there have been others and I don't want to discredit them, but I also want to acknowledge that you've had the biggest impact on me overall.

What would you think of me now? I remember when you said to me, five years ago, that you were confident that my future would be bright, regardless of whatever I would choose to do with my life. I really hope that if you saw me today, you'd agree. I have less than a year of college left before I graduate. I've been attempting to find a new job that's in-line with what I'm studying.

I'm almost there, girl... I'm already starting to make my impact on the world, I just need to snag that job and degree first so I can really be the awesome person I want to be

- M

[Lady Lychee ♡]

Hiiii dear!!

I'm sure you'll find this letter eventually (and if not I'll send it to you myself), but whenever it finds you I hope this letter finds you well. I love you so much! The last letter I wrote to you was almost an entire year ago, so I figured now would be a good time to write you another. Being with you has taught me a lot about myself, the people around me, and its made me really rethink a lot of the things that I thought I knew to be certain. You've truly shaken my world apart and forced me to rebuild myself from scratch in the best way possible, and I can't thank you enough for that. Being with you for a whole year has been a rollercoaster for certain, but for all the ups and downs I've had, I'm glad it was with you. Being with you is a blessing, and its by far my favorite one. Thank you for loving me, and for letting me love you in turn. I love you more than you'll ever know, and I'm so excited to see what we'll do together next. Thanks for reading my little letter to you Stardust, and I hope it puts a smile on your face!!

P.S. Red Sox are the best team (not the mets)

[Restful Dead]

AG,
I just wanted you to know that the gift you sent me made me cry.
It wasn't the gift itself, but the gesture. Thank you for making me feel appreciated, even if just for a little while <3

[Silverstar]

arthrosis,
please just let the pain stop. I had plans for today, but just because of you it didn't work and I had to cancel my reservations. I want to travel again every weekend just like I did 2 years ago and I miss going by train for 10 hours but nowadays I can't even go by it for 2 without suffering pain, so thanks for nothing.

[enchantingxrain]

I know i've done this before. And I said things I didn't mean. Because I never understood how I felt. I think it all started when you got a boyfriend. You got something I truly thought I could never have. And seeing you have something that I wanted hurt me to the core, every day. So yes while we were friends I hated you, but I tried to support you. But one day it all changed. I think you started to realize that I felt a certain way, so you lied to me about hanging out with him and other people, because you didn’t want me there. You wanted to hang out with these totally cool people, and you wanted to live your life. But I also wanted to live your life, and it wasn’t mine to intrude on. But I don't think you truly ever knew the fact of my home life, what I had to go home to. No one really does, because I never told anyone. Sure I showed you small glimpses. But all that messed up stuff I told you was really only the iceberg of my problems. So I'm sorry for living vicariously through you. I am sorry that I thought your friendship was going to fix me. If I could do it all over again I really would. Gosh I really wish I could just talk to you and maybe fix it all. I really miss what we had, I don't know. Besides all the bad it really felt like something really you of this world.


tawhsti ( ifykyk )

[spookypuff]

here's to a belated sweet 16, chicken smoothie! this website honestly means so much to me - i've met so many great friends here and also improved my english skills IMMENSELY, enjoyed all the events and pets made for the users, learned all about art and bbcode here and even though i may not talk as much as i used to on this website i still make sure to visit it everyday! i could go on and on but all i wanted to say is thank you!!

here's to more years of fun and a congratulations on your sweet 16!

[iHolli]

{ one year.
{ I almost didn't realize. wouldn't have, if not for the other events of the week. but it's been a year today.
{ it's been the worst year of my life. mostly thanks to you, yeah. lost my home, my life, my purpose, and everything I had all in the span of a week. spent the month packing up what was left to leave it all behind. April won't ever be the same, so you know, thanks for that.
{ I've done nothing but hurt and feel lost since then. I suppose my one solace has been knowing you probably look back and realized how badly you messed up, throwing me away like I was nothing, and knowing you can't ever get that back. I was too good for you. I always have been. I always will be. shame you had to be the one to knock me down and let life kick me while I was there until I figured it out. not that it hasn't messed me up but good, anyway. all those empty promises of yours and how you wouldn't treat me like everybody else, and you went and tossed me aside anyway when I stopped being useful to you. wonder how well you sleep at night knowing that.
{ doesn't matter. I still spend most of my days barely getting out of bed. not seeing the reason to keep going. things just seem to get worse. yeah, occasionally a distraction pops up, gives me an excuse for one more day, but it's always in the back of my mind. knowing how much I lost, how much you took from me, like it was nothing and I never mattered to you, not really. are you happy now? are you?
{ and yet. one year.
{ I've gotten lucky. despite the fear you hammered into me that I can't trust anyone especially where it counts most, people are looking out for me. offering me a hand. helping me up out of the dirt where you left me. reminding me that it's not all my fault, like you let me believe. telling me I'm still worth something. that I can be myself, however weird I seem, and I'm not less enjoyable to be around. giving me reasons to get out of bed, for one more day. being honest and not hating me for being honest in return. you wouldn't know a thing about having an honest, forward conversation, despite the anxiety, would you. scares me stiff to be direct about things but people are helping me with it and giving me the same in return. giving me room and encouragement to heal.
{ one year. you cost me everything, and one year ago you pulled the rug out from under me for good. but you were right about one thing. I am better off without you. I'll never stop hurting from it, in many ways, but there's good people helping me find reason to try to heal.
{ happy one year.

×××
{ what can I say that you don't already know? heh. it's nice to be honest with someone and not have to hide details for fear of upsetting you in some way. we haven't been friends for long and we only just started talking so much but, well, you already know you're easy to talk to. I'm not even afraid of being open, I don't have the worry in the back of my mind that it's all going to come apart sooner or later, I don't fear when the other shoe will drop.
{ maybe we won't be friends forever. maybe we'll drift apart like usually happens to me. but we said we'd be affectionately annoying each other forever, and I promised to hold you to it, and I didn't feel like I shouldn't have said it, either. for however long this lasts, I can't ever express how much it means to have you around. you've so quickly become a lifeline without seeming like the only lifeline at all. you picked the best time to introduce yourself into my life and even though I've been so weird about it I actually believe you when you don't judge me for it. I can't imagine having that conversation with anyone else. how'd you do that?
{ I know it's probably stupid to get attached to someone so quickly but you're genuine in every word and I actually believe that. you say you're comfortable around me and that puts me even more at ease, nothing strange about it, because we're honest with each other. that means more to me than I can ever put into words. we can be silly and serious and everywhere in between and I never feel the need to shy away from saying something. I guess this is what actual friendship feels like, huh? or whatever we're calling this, now. I don't mind whatever. I know where we stand.
{ well, the point is, thanks. I'm glad you're here. no matter what happens, I'll always be grateful that you showed up. love you, man. ♡

[SPARKL3D0G]

Dear S

I miss you a lot, it’s almost been a month since we found out I had limited time with you but I’m not even sure what date was the last time we spoke considering all our messages are gone now. I wrote so much about you, about how much it hurts and about how perfect you were (you still are) but there’s only so much writing stuff down helps so I’m taking a break to just write about my own mistakes as I need to forgive myself somehow. I would honestly prefer it if you just broke up with me, that would have hurt less as then it would be your choice but the fact that neither of us had any choice at all is what makes me want to scream. I had a good day today, it’s only 4 so I’m still having a good day but thinking about you and thinking about my own future now is ruining it, I was at the stables and there’s a new horse there until after the next competition and I will be riding her in it, she’s beautiful and I plan to paint her for an art competition. I thought about how you said you’d buy me a horse, I will still buy myself horses in the future but it hurts that I will never have one from you, it hurts that the only thing I have from you is a blanket which I sleep with every night but I won’t be selfish, it’s not the value of a physical item that matters to me it’s the fact that it’s from you and I just wish I could have more from you so I could feel connected even though it’s over now. It’s over and we had been on borrowed time since the first day we got together, we didn’t know that at the time but looking back it makes our relationship seem so pointless now, it wasn’t pointless but knowing that we never had a chance makes it seem so. My future is so uncertain now, I wonder if I’m also on borrowed time but I suppose even if anything happens I will come out of it better than you could, I don’t want much but I hate uncertainty. My friends are too hopeful, I don’t blame them when they don’t understand as well as we do how some things work, you were always more hopeful than me but in this case we were both realists. I’m sorry that we didn’t talk more, that I disappeared a couple times and didn’t even text for days and I know you forgave me every time I did something wrong but knowing that you’re gone now makes me feel so guilty for every mistake, it made me happy that despite that you said you never loved anyone as much as you love me. I will always love you but I need to be able to forget sometimes, I will remember you on the times I have the strength.

-

Dear L

I loved spending time with you on Tuesday, it’s sad that over the past few years we haven’t gotten together nearly as much as we did before our major falling out but that was mostly my fault even if I was going through a lot so I can’t blame you. Pretty much every time we’ve talked lately I’ve been in the middle of a huge situation and Tuesday was no exception but I’m glad we were together so despite still feeling probably the most stressed I ever have I had fun. I know you were confused as to why the fact that I was happy made me sad but really it wasn’t because I wasn’t enjoying myself, I was a lot, I just was mourning what I may lose. I cried a little on the drive back to my house but you didn’t notice, that’s fine I didn’t want to make you worried. I wish I could talk to you when something isn’t happening but I put myself in difficult situations so there will always be some sort of drama. I was sad when we pulled up to my house, we see each other maybe only once a year now and simply saying goodbye isn’t enough but I never know when is the right time to hug someone and I really wanted to hug you so you could hold me together before I break but I just left and went to my room. I love you an unreasonable amount, when you said you want to move to America I had to try not to cry as then when would I ever see you? I couldn’t move myself when I love it here (not my specific area but I’m never leaving Ireland) and I hate so much about America (as do the Americans I’ve talked to so that’s saying something). I really wish we could go back to being 13/14 sometimes and play games together all the time and talk for hours about horses and have sleepovers and just talk in general more but years have passed and things are different, we’re adults now with adult worries (sort of) and we can never go back. I feel sad that I’m so needy for you when we don’t talk NEARLY as much but when I get attached I’m just intense like that and I have to dial it down or I’ll scare everyone away.

-

Dear K

It’s been a couple years since I last saw you, I wonder what you’d think of me now. You were proud of me back then, in the note you wrote in the notebook you left for me you said that you learned from me but I wonder how much you ever really knew me. I loved you more than I should have and I still think of you, I wish we still talked but the last time we messaged each other it was last September and I told you about L’s birthday. You helped me a lot and I hope you know that, you sometimes pushed me too far I think but you always had good intentions so I don’t blame you. I would love to tell you about what’s happening in my life now but I don’t know how much detail I could even get into, you don’t have authority over me anymore but would you still like me if you knew the full truth? It would break me if your view of me was tainted, my view of myself is but I care more about your opinion. You had hope for me, most people did, it’s sad that the bar was set higher than I can probably reach now but I promise I’ll make something of my life no matter how long it takes, I promise I’ll do some good and I promise I’ll try to reach my goals but I can’t promise reaching my full potential, that’s gone now. You know as well as anyone that life isn’t linear, I hope you will understand that mine will be a jagged line.