Write a Letter you Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[saintesque]

dear friends,

i never want to seem needy or anything. i know it would irritate you guys as much i would if it were anyone else, but the feeling of being left out really wounds my heart. never have i ever felt included nor did i ever felt like i fitted into our group of crazies. all my smiles might have been me feeling my false sense of belonging or joy. i was so intoxicated with my fake happiness that i didn't know i was only creating fictitious delight. but it's not like there is a single place on campus that is as comfortable as our home under the swaying trees at lunch. i don't know if you guys are annoyed by my presence or brushes it off like i'm just a pesky dead leaf. in consideration of you all, i will only allow myself to stand in the distance cowardly.

sincerely,
ann

[Lu Bu]

Dear _____,

You have no idea how much you are helping me improve my art. You have my thanks, even though I know you don't want it.

[Akira Shinren]

Dear Classmates....

You have definitely picked the wrong course of education if you aren't even able to accept a simple suggestion for your own improvement without making tons of excuses. You are trying to become a NURSERY-SCHOOLTEACHER!
You have been told a bazillion times, that you have to reflect yourself over and over again.

Are you even trying? C'mon..

[myk]

dear week,

could you get any worse?

- myk.

[seraphs]

dear girl,

i wonder what happened to make me so gosh darn stupid. you have a girlfriend. and i forgot. how could i forget something worth remembering? i was reading through our old messages last night. you clearly said "i have a girlfriend" yet i decided i was going to forget that tiny detail and go on with my life like she doesn't exist. what the hell is wrong with me? i'm sorry doll, that i cannot remember the important things.

love, c.




dear mom,

please stop being so hard on yourself. also, we need to stop staying up until 12 watching criminal minds. i can see how badly it's affecting you and you need your rest.

love, c.




dear dad,

please stop complaining about everything. we're doing the best we can.

love, c.

[ɪ.ᴀᴍ.ɴᴏᴛ.ᴜɴᴅᴏɴᴇ]

Dear Inconsiderate

You are an idiot. Stop changing into a self centered jerk. You used to be something special, even though you doubted yourself. Now the other people and sports and accomplishments are getting in your head and you've turned into a cocky dim witt. Your intentions are sometimes good, but what comes of them typically isn't. All of my previous love for you is slowly turning into disgust and I hope it makes you happy, because you brought this on yourself.
Please don't hurt anyone else. We are gonna have words if you do.

Come back to your friends, please. Or else leave us completely.


Yours truly, --

[dddddonuts]

Dear J
I poured my heart out on a Microsoft Word document at 2 in the morning in poetry form.
Please understand me...

Yin Yang
He was different.
I was different.

We both knew it.

But was the difference from the majority
Or from each other?
--
He talks like in a drama movie
Speaking of apparitions that
Haunt him-
Psychological madnesses that
Creep.
I don’t say that
I know how he feels too.
--
We poured our hearts out to each other-
Him first
But we didn’t know that
This was a dangerous bond.
Not like us.
This was not us.
--
When he found out about my father
He became silent.

He was furious.
--
He says that his only purpose
Was to “help people”.
He says his “motives are not pure”
And he knows it
But he wants to feel appreciated.
I counter everything he says,
Determined to prove
His system of moral values
To be false.
--
He was the boy at school
Who took vacations
And prison stays
At the guidance counselor’s room
Which he said was starting to feel like a second home.
Always wore the black jacket.
Always wore the worn, wooden prayer beads he thumbed
That he would never let anyone touch,
Never mind that he was an atheist.
--
He asks me if I’m okay
Because I never talk to anyone at school
And he says I am pushing him away.

He has good intentions
And I let him know that I know this
But I don’t want to talk
Because my catalyst concoction
Of bipolarity and depression
Is killing me from the inside.

I don’t let him know this.
--
Every day he claims that I am pushing him away
And asks “why”;
Every day he tells me that
He could help me
If only I could open up to him.

But he knew that I had caged my emotions
For so many years because of my past
And that I was unable to speak about it without crying
And he was frustrated because
He couldn’t penetrate that barrier
And I always shut him out.

Not even my parents knew
How much I was mangled both inside and outside.
Only my father remembers the scars.
He knows why.
Only him.
--
The soft lockdown drill
Wasn’t a drill.
But he wasn’t dangerous.
He had locked down his intentions
And emotions
And only those who tried to shake him
Would be those who would be hurt.

During recess
People come to me and ask me what happened
Because they know we are close friends
And that “he has a thing for -my name-”.
I don’t answer
And I heave emptiness
And I am silent
And when I get home I
Don’t speak to anyone
And I bury myself in my closet and
Breathe through my fingers for what seems like an eternity.
--
He walks uncertainly towards me
At lunch that one day
And sits down across from me.

He slips off something from his wrist
And puts it around mine.

“Take this… You deserve it…
Master.”
I almost laugh at the name he uses
But his face reveals no trace of jokes
And my intuition tells me he is sincere.

I tell him I don’t deserve this.

We debate back and forth until he says something
That makes my world implode,
That I have helped him break his habits
And helped him in ways I can’t imagine
And he tears up and his voice cracks

And I nod and blink back tears
While he nods and we sit there for a few moments
And he turns and leaves me
Hunched over the lunch table with the sticky jam stain at the edge
That I’m afraid to touch.
--
“Why are you doing this to yourself?
What do you think is going to come from this?
And sorry, I'm not letting this go
Not this time.
I don't care how much pain I have to go through
As long as I'm helping you
And as you become happy
I do too.
Sometimes I embrace the pain I feel
Sometimes I lash out
That's okay; it happens
Friends fight
But I think we care about each other
Does anything else really matter?”

“I don’t know.”

[zakki]

dear a-
why do you have to be so freaking adorable dear lord
scruffy hair
h e i g h t
trudging along with your huge stack of books
smiling at me

talking about cats
talking about the catpocalypse
with me
your obsession with cats

our inside jokes
cat with an eyepatch
c a t s p e a r e
c a t i m e

please please please
if you like me
[which you might]
ask me out
tell
me
because i reassure you
i will say yes
-k

[Oliverstorm]

Dear you [you know who you are],

I'm finally over you. I've gotten to a point where I can look at myself and not think about how much of a wreck you made me. You didn't help me at all, when I thought you were perfect for me. I was just a thing for you to get your sick pleasures from, thank God I never let you see me or anything. I can't believe that I let your stupid opinions about my weight get to my head for years, when all you could do was look at my face.

A sincere cactus shoved up your 3,
Ollie

Dear you [a different person],

Yeah, you still make me feel like a word I'm not allowed to use on CS. Y'know, it's not fair what you did to me. I had no idea, honestly, and instead of being my friend and helping me understand things you just took advantage of what I didn't understand. And the fact that you still think I want to hang out with you, or even be in a thousand foot radius of you is awful. Every time I see you I get scared, terrified even, and I can't do anything. I just wish you would leave me alone.

You can have a cactus as well,
-------

Dear my dear [hah that play on words],

Now this is a letter I could send, and I know you stalk through my posts, so you're going to read this. I appreciate everything you do for me, and not a single thing you do upsets me. You're perfect despite what you think of yourself, and I don't think I could stop loving you if I tried. Tomorrow is scary for me, and I'm sure it's going to be so for you as well, but I don't want to hide anything from you anymore. There are still things you don't know about me, and I'm sorry. But I love you a lot, and I want you to know that. I'll say it as many times as you need me to and more.

Sincerely yours,
-------

[saintesque]

dear friend,

i am very concerned for your mental well-being. I wonder if you are fine when you keep yapping about homestuck. the only song you sing now is karkalicious and it got old the FIRST MILLION TIMES. and yes, we all know the process of reproduction for the trolls. is homestuck the only item your mind can process now? i used to be obsessed too and i now know how annoying i was; thanks for the fresh view. plus, homestuck was released years ago, don't you think you're a bit late, even if the new updates are here? please rethink this life choice.

sincerely,
ann