Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Dragonswan]

Mom,

It's incomprehensible to me that it's been 9 whole years today since you've been gone. I miss you more than I can handle sometimes. I miss our talks. I miss you.

[lovelyhyena]

dear [redacted]
i wish you remembered me and our friendship and everything we used to have back in 2016 but i guess that's gone.
i can't stop thinking of how much i miss our friendship but you've changed, i've changed and i suppose we just grew apart after i got pissed at you for talking to [ex]. it really hurt me and made me paranoid to learn that you were trying to get with someone who tried to ruin my life but i suppose i dont feel one way or another oftentimes about this anymore aside from occasionally getting angry because of the ridiculousness and how i feel betrayed.
i wish things went better for us. maybe in another life we would've been friends still but i was temporary for you and i had thought of you as permanent.

-val

[~☾☆Tԋҽ Mσσɳ Gαȥҽɾ☆☾~]

Dear R,

I don't understand, just because our grandma told you I was talking to a boy online
you're going to falsely accuse me of online dating, call me a fool, and then throw a sock at me?
I can't think of a single time where you listen to the rest of what I have to say without being
so quick to give me a hard time about something or immediately inserting your own self opinion
and leaving the conversation. You've changed so much over the past few years, I hardly recognize
you anymore. I know you don't take anything I do seriously, especially when it's about Christianity,
but I'm praying you find your way back to where you're meant to be; to Jesus.

With love from your "crazy cousin,"

L

[Trexxa]

dear i,

you probably don't remember who I am. we only spoke once after all. but I just needed to thank you again one last time. you have been more of an inspiration to me this past year than you'll ever know. I have learned so much from you, and not just how to play a game, but also about how good humanity can really be. I wish I wasn't such a shy person and I could go on discord to tell you all this.
but man, was my soul ever crushed when I learned you are quitting for good today. I am so sad to see you go. you've become quite the role model to me in the course of a year. I get that you're no longer happy here though. I don't want you to do something that makes you unhappy. you may not be perfect, but you're right. none of us are. I think you are a wonderful person though, and your humbleness and desire to help others makes you as close to perfect as it can get. I already miss you so much. but thank you, for being such an important influence in my life, and just... for everything.

-trexxa.

[grannymeow]

Dear (person), I need you to just stop... Back off... Cause I'm not a dork in a C.C.P (cute cool and popular). So back off or you'll be really really sorry because I will tell the principal. From -me

[sunflower,]

dear j;
you have no idea how much stress you put on me. i couldn't focus in class, eat, sleep- i couldn't do basic functions because you were always on my mind. i cut things off with you. and i'm sorry it took me a while to realize you were no good for me. i should've told you sooner, i was just scared.
you were nice about it. you respected what i had to say and understood it. and thank you for that. you have no idea how much that means to me.
but now your friends are involved with this. it's really none of their business, honestly. i don't know why they invited themselves into a situation that has nothing to do with them. they went around, calling me disgusting names just because i didn't want a relationship with you. they're making up things to make me seem like a bad person. i don't know why you let them do that.
i'm not into you. i'm not emotionally or mentally ready for a relationship. i've made it very clear.
for now, i think it'd be best if we kept our distance.
- brooke


dear c;
so we started talking again.. it's weird. we stopped talking for 8 months, and all of a sudden we're back in each other's lives. it isn't how it used to be.
conversation feels forced. we've both changed within the past eight months. i'm a totally different person than what i was 8 months ago. you... not necessarily. i'm no longer interested in what you're interested in, my sense of humor has changed, and nothing feels right anymore. you want to become close friends again. and honestly, i do too. but i really don't see it working out. i'm sorry.
- brooke


dear g & k;
i love you. so much. you both have no idea how much you mean to me. thank you so much for everything.
- brooke

[sinnamon.]

dear p;
this letter is only being written because i started thinking about the events that happened again and again and i can't help but hate myself for it. i thought i'd forgotten about it, that this was a simple fragment in my memories that would disappear like all others but yay me, it comes back again and again. i'm sorry for acting the way i did. i'd be lying if i said i didnt miss our little friend group, with c, l, you and i. us playing games together. im sorry i was not able to put you ahead of me like i normally do. im sorry my emotions got the best of me and caused me to act out of anger despite how much i knew you would be hurt by it, deep inside my brain. though i knew it was petty, you already knew im a petty person. im sure everyone around me knows that. i miss being your friend, and it's okay if you don't want to. i wish i had handled it better, it would be better if you were better off than me. too bad i made both of us suffer. i knew you were having bad thoughts, i knew i was having bad thoughts. i guess a part of me told myself that i should drag someone down with me if i were dragging myself down already. it's been quite a few months since this happened, and im grateful to c for trying to help. im sure you don't care anymore, and there's so much more i want to say but i will leave it here for now. i'd like to come back to this one day and laugh and say, 'this was just another one of our quarrels that blew out of proportion'.

- mint 3/22/18

dear m, b, and po;
thank you for kicking me out. just kidding. i talked to b about it, and im happy she was able to explain the situation. it still shocks me when i think about it, and when i do, i get really sad and tired of it all. the fact that you guys had no foresight. i guess i cant blame you guys, none of you are like me. none of you are observant enough to think about how one would feel getting banned and essentially closed off from the rest of the group. yeah, im upset. am i a little less upset every time i think about this? hell yeah. am i upset to an extent that i won't cry about it when i think about it enough? hell no. i appreciate that you guys were trying to protect p, but to do it in a way that hurt someone else and benefited no one? isn't that terrible. you guys decided to do something about an issue that barely involved you, if at all. i have a big mouth, that i will admit. it caused me to open my mouth and complain about things that i should have never dragged people into. i make a lot of problems, and i apologize for that. i guess there's no better way to put what i view your actions to say:

if it will protect p, then it is ok to throw you [me] away.
she is more important
and she is doing worse than you [me].
therefore
what we are doing is justified.
- mint 3/22/18

dear rick;
i know you play this game and i figured i would put your name in here because i wouldn't really mind if you saw this.
thank you for being by my side and accepting me even after my breakdowns and even after i left the whole group and ignored everyone. you're one of the kindest people i know and i love you to bits (not in that way pls)! i don't really have too much to say about this but like just know you're a great person who deserves a lot in life.

- mint 3/25/18

dear c;
you're a good person. you might not agree but i think so. i'm happy p likes you and i'm so happy for you!
you're a smart person, even if you do not believe it yourself. love yourself a little more, okay?
you deserve a lot and you are - even if you're a dense butthole at times. im glad you dont give a poopy about most things but you don't know when not to be dense though we all have our faults.
but yeah. as much as you dislike yourself, just know that i like you for the most part (though not in that way ew, you're gross).

- mint 3/25/18

[gansey]

dear h,
i think about you everyday but never for a second do i ever even slightly regret leaving behind our friendship.
the things you did and said to me are unforgiveable and i only recently began to piece back together the parts of me you broke.
you would be so jealous about where i am in life right now and make me feel so guilty because you can't have what i have.
but i truly am sorry about what happened to your friends. had you been even a little bit more human to me, i might reach out. no one should have to go through those things alone. jai is there for you, maybe, so i suggest apologizing to her above all, since i will not listen to whatever you have to say to me.
i hope that you learned your lesson about how influential words can be on a person, and how harshly they can impact someone in a dark place.
i doubt you ever think about me, but i hate it so much that you're always on my mind.
i think at one point i was dumb enough to fall in love with you.
but now it's the opposite. i have a hard time reading books with main characters that share your name.
there is this girl i keep seeing that looks just like you and the first time i saw her, my heart almost stopped. i didn't know what to do. i panicked. so thanks for that.
also speaking of books, i want red rising back. my first copy of my favorite book read more times than i can count and i'll never see it again. thanks for that, too.
and last thing, if you were ever really, truly sorry for any of the things you said or did (that you refuse to acknowledge and always blamed on me), you'd find a way to say sorry. c did, and i am at peace with how he hurt me. but you hold your head so high i don't know how you haven't passed out from lack of oxygen yet.


dear j,
i hate you. not because of anything you've done to me (excluding what happened in september), but because you're literally one of the worst people i've ever met. sure, we laugh a lot, but deep down, i know what kind of person you are and so do the rest of the boys.
i am the only one that ever confronted you about your "little" white lies, and you just spew more lies. they never end.
you see, i can take the lying about the act score, and the lying about how many credits you've taken and lying about how teachers have praised you and whatever the heck else.
you told me you were domestically abused by your father, and i'm not going to fight you on that because there's no way i know for sure, but if you are in fact lying about it, i hope karma catches up with you.
but lying about your mom dying seven years ago? when i am 100% sure she is alive? you don't do that. i have far too many friends that are a parent or two short, and for you to lie about it is the worst thing i have ever heard in the entirety of my life. the life of a parent is not some joke. my friends who have had parents passed for years still have problems and i still have to help them through it and you do not have the right nor the power to say your mother is dead.
you probably don't remember this, but a year and a half ago you also told me your mother is schizophrenic. just out of the blue. i barely knew you. you didn't seem upset or anything. you just kind of told me. but don't you think that you'd be a little bit more upset to share that about your mother? why would you tell someone you barely knew? also, why didn't you seem worried about it? children that have a parent with schizophrenia have about a fifty-fifty chance of being diagnosed with it too. did you know that? obviously not if you're willing to lie about a loved one having a mental illness that can be very serious, depending on the person.
you grew up in a 3,000 square foot house and yet you were on welfare, so i guess i should've seen the lying coming.
i have a lot of other things to say, but this is getting pretty out of hand, but just
one last thing.
if you dislike your girlfriend enough to try and cheat on her multiple times, then maybe you shouldn't have gotten her pregnant. just sayin'. don't play with someone like that. i know she hates me just because she thinks i'm 'competing' with her, but honestly? i feel bad. that she's going to be stuck with someone that wants to cheat and wasn't ready to settle down yet.
stuck with you.

[deftonesly]

dear m,
can we please just talk and put this behind us? i miss you more than words can say.

dear bb,
for once -- it's not me, it's you. you've got stuff to work through and big things ahead of you. i get it.
but you've shown complete disregard for me and our budding friendship, and the next time you try to come back into my life, i won't just roll over and take it anymore. you're inconsistent and rude, and next time, i'll finally say it. i can't tolerate this rollercoaster you've put me on.

dear c/aunt jemima,
you are already very dear to me, by far my favorite freshman. i'm wishing you the best and praying for you that this high school experience will be your best one yet. i'm so happy i've become friends with you! you're sweet as can be and i can always count on you to finish my vine references. keep on keepin' on, and know you can always talk to me. <3

dear syd,
i feel like a worthless friend.
i know what you're going through is unfair and sad. but i'm not good at words or comforting, and i don't know how to tell you how much i care.
i just want you to know that it's not your fault, and i love you.

[chon]

dear best friend,
you've absolutely made an impact on my life whether you realize it or not and i'm so thankful i've gotten to know you. you are a blessing and have gotten me through really tough times. i thought about what happened last year around this time and how i disappeared (for reasons only you know of) and i realized that anyone else could've left but you stuck around. i pushed through my problems because i knew that it was what you probably wanted me to do. people often don't believe that someone you have never met in person can't have a large impact because there is no real emotional contact but that is just not true because i have proof. so, here i am, forever thankful that i've met you because i would not be here without you.

ily,
em