Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

[Celozon]

If you haven't been able to get into the discord via the invite link, it should work now. The link is on the front page. It was supposed to be set not to expire but apparently not. Let me know if it still doesn't work or if this one seems to stop working ^^

[Oshawott8888]

Trick or Treater:
Story:
"Only a few more minutes till the bell rings!" Tenshi thought. It's so unfair that we have to go to school, even on Halloween!
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ring ring ring! Everyone was running out in a flurry, they were all ready to go trick or treating! She was at the very front of the pack, of course, running faster than anyone else. She promised to meet her best friend at the big maple tree, with leaves already turning orange. When they both got there, they took off running to Tenshi's house. After all, it was only around 3:30, and it wasn't dark enough to trick or treat yet, and plus, they didn't even have their costumes on! They were hungry as well, they were so excited that they didn't eat any lunch, they were too busy discussing what they would do tonight.
They'd both decided on dressing up in matching costumes, the angel and the devil!
They both left to change into their costumes. Hers was even more beautiful than she imagined! There was a silky white dress and matching shawl, along with matching armbands and leg bands. There was also a staff and a golden wristband. There were also plenty of things to put on her head as well, a laurel wreath, and a headpiece, and who could forget the essential halo! She was about to leave the restroom when she forgot 2 of the most important parts! The first was the golden staff. She was pleasantly surprised that it was quite light, and it would be easy to carry around. The second were the wings made of real feathers. They looked so real, she couldn't even believe that they were just for her costume! Now that she really had all the pieces of her costume, she exited the restroom and saw that her friend was already done, and was busy snarfing down pizza. "Wow, you look just like a devil! Our costumes are perfect!"
Tenshi quickly ate a few slices of pizza, and they immediately decided to go out and hit as many houses as possible that night. They scampered over to the closest house, ran the doorbell, and chimed "Trick or Treat!"

Aaack i cant write, so is anyone willing to critique my story?
and maybe give some opinions on the dressup ^^?

[Sandstorm814]

Super excited for this year! Here's my trick or treater, and treat/trick givers!



(would love any critique on my story! <3)

"Huh." Aslyn said, staring at her self in the mirror.
"Huh? Aren't you more disgusted?" Sunita inquired, sitting in the bed across the room.
"Well, after what you put me through last year with forcing me to wear the banana costume, this isn't so bad."
"This isn't so bad? C'mon, you're a college student wearing a filly princess dress for 5 year olds! And besides, you're always super anti-pink!"
"A huge banana suit, Sunita. Everyone on campus saw. This is nothing compared to a pink dress, jewelry and a flower crown."
"Don't tempt me to make your costume more worse - I have a whole bucket of glitter in my bag that I can pour on you if needed. Trust me, You'll keep finding that stuff everywhere."
"Woah, okay. No need to go THAT far. I'm just saying, this year when you asked me to do my costume, I was expecting something more embarrassing. But it's too late now to make changes, so let's just get this over with." Aslyn stated, impatient.
"Fine - You know the rules. You have to get at least 3 pounds of candy, and you can't eat any till you get back, so we can split the loots evenly. Got it?"
"Yep, got it, got it. Bye!" Aslyn stated, before swiftly leaving the dorm.

While Aslyn walked through the streets, she searched for a house with it's lights on. When she was little, her parents would always hide in their house with the blinds shut, to avoid trick or treaters. She smiled at the memory while walking up to a house that appeared like it would give king sized stuff. She took a deep breath - And knocked.
"Trick or Treat!

My treat giver:

story wip still

And my trickster!

You see a frazzled German Shepard run up to you from around the house, after you knocked on the door.
"What are you doing here kid!"
You didn't have time to create a reply before he pushes you away from the house.
"You have to stay away theres a demon in that house! It forced me out of there!"
You're skeptical - The house looks fairly normal. When you reached the curb, you took one last glance to see the the queer dog running away into the backyard, and see through the windows of the house, an adorable little bumble bee buzzing around in the house."

My trick story is loosely based off an experience when I was 8 or so. I had this huge fear of bees(melissophobia) back then (and still do ooPS) I was eating breakfest with my mom when I saw this bee buzzing around in my kitchen. Naturally, I screamed and ran into the garage, and wouldn't come out for 20 minutes.

[Seabird]

Anyone care to give my story a read?
I plan to make it more obvious what my ToTer is dressed as in the story itself, but other than that how does it look?
I feel like I focused on her house too long maybe, but I dunno? Names TBD, so XXX and YYY are definitely not final haha.

A futakuchi-onna (二口女, lit. "two-mouthed woman") is a type of yōkai or Japanese monster.


“Not bad. I like the hair.”

“Thanks.” XXX said, turning to her roommate briefly. “Getting the food to stay put was the hardest part.” She teased her wig and stood the stiff hair up just so.

“At least you’ll always have a snack.”

“Isn’t that what the trick-or-treating is for?” XXX chuckled.

“You’re going trick-or-treating?” YYY asked. “Don’t you think you’re a bit old?”

“You’re just jealous because you’re too shy to go out.” XXX said as she passed by YYY on her way out the door. “But don’t worry, I’ll share the spoils with you.”

-X-X-X-

As XXX stepped off the porch, trusty candy bucket in jaw - the one on her face, not the back of her head - she inhaled the cool Autumn air and it filled her lungs with wind and her body with shivers.
She turned to glance at her own house. Decorated sparingly. The house itself was like a decoration of its own. Shutters falling off, endless darkness beneath the porch, and foggy windows. The pumpkins and fake spider webs were just icing on the cake.
It was a rather large house.
That was why it had been rented out to multiple people, XXX included. Thankfully, everyone else was hanging back to watch scary movies and answer the door for trick-or-treaters, so XXX could go out without worrying about that.

She smiled and turned away from her house and started down the thin path that lead down to the rest of the neighborhood. While the large house was out of the way, the yellow lights following the path made it obvious that they were accepting trick-or-treaters, as well as guided XXX safely to the sidewalk.

After she had reached the street, she took a good long time to observe her surroundings before beginning her hunt for candy. Halloween was her favorite holiday, after all, so she wanted to enjoy all aspects of it before moving on. She observed all the houses. Some decorated, some not. Some with lights on their porches and in their windows, and others dark and unnoticed by the children as they ran from house to house.

Once she had sufficiently taken in her surroundings, XXX singled out a house with its lights on and approached. She padded to the door, adjusted her wig one last time, and knocked on the door. She inhaled and recited the line halloween was best known for.

“Trick or Treat!”

I like your story! The house description is only a paragraph or so long, and your story has several other paragraphs, so I think you're okay in terms of describing your character's house. It does help set the mood of the night too!

Trick or Treater:
Story:
"Only a few more minutes till the bell rings!" Tenshi thought. It's so unfair that we have to go to school, even on Halloween!
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ring ring ring! Everyone was running out in a flurry, they were all ready to go trick or treating! She was at the very front of the pack, of course, running faster than anyone else. She promised to meet her best friend at the big maple tree, with leaves already turning orange. When they both got there, they took off running to Tenshi's house. After all, it was only around 3:30, and it wasn't dark enough to trick or treat yet, and plus, they didn't even have their costumes on! They were hungry as well, they were so excited that they didn't eat any lunch, they were too busy discussing what they would do tonight.
They'd both decided on dressing up in matching costumes, the angel and the devil!
They both left to change into their costumes. Hers was even more beautiful than she imagined! There was a silky white dress and matching shawl, along with matching armbands and leg bands. There was also a staff and a golden wristband. There were also plenty of things to put on her head as well, a laurel wreath, and a headpiece, and who could forget the essential halo! She was about to leave the restroom when she forgot 2 of the most important parts! The first was the golden staff. She was pleasantly surprised that it was quite light, and it would be easy to carry around. The second were the wings made of real feathers. They looked so real, she couldn't even believe that they were just for her costume! Now that she really had all the pieces of her costume, she exited the restroom and saw that her friend was already done, and was busy snarfing down pizza. "Wow, you look just like a devil! Our costumes are perfect!"
Tenshi quickly ate a few slices of pizza, and they immediately decided to go out and hit as many houses as possible that night. They scampered over to the closest house, ran the doorbell, and chimed "Trick or Treat!"

This is a good start, and I love the costume a lot! There were a few things I noticed about you story though.

"Only a few more minutes till the bell rings!" Tenshi thought. It's so unfair that we have to go to school, even on Halloween!

The second sentence is confusing because it switches from third person to first person. I think you meant to add quotes around it!

Everyone was running out in a flurry, they were all ready to go trick or treating!

Instead of a comma, using a semicolon or starting a new sentence between "flurry" and "they" gets rid of the run-on sentence.

They were hungry as well, they were so excited that they didn't eat any lunch, they were too busy discussing what they would do tonight.

I would personally reword this as "They were so busy discussing what they would do tonight, that they forgot that they were hungry." Something like this cuts out the excessive parts and clarifies it a little for flow.

There were also plenty of things to put on her head as well, a laurel wreath, and a headpiece, and who could forget the essential halo!

To fix this run-on sentence, I would either replace the comma after "well" with a colon or a period. Also, the "and" that's describing the headpiece can probably be taken out, since you're already in the middle of listing.

I noticed you accidentally left out the g in "rang" towards the end, but that's an easy fix! A more subjective suggestion from me would be to add more space between paragraphs to make it a little easier to read. Otherwise, I think your story is pretty solid. :3

[amaterasu_tea]

this is my trick or treater and their story. i'm aware the story is a little open, not very detailed at the moment. this is my first year doing LOLO so i'm starting off simple but i plan on describing the night better and showing a little bit more of dialogue between the two to show how Lionel actually feels about Halloween as to why he thinks it is annoying. when writing it i was more focused on getting the basics of the story but i plan on seeing if i can permission to edit it and add more, as i want to add good detail and give people a feel for the night.

what do people think of his costume? (it's just a simple, cheesy, demon dress up)
and does anyone have any opinions on the story and what it is lacking/should have added?
____
Trick or Treater:
Story:
". . . how did you manage to persuade me to do this?" the wolf asked, annoyed and sounding funny with the vampire teeth he'd managed to wear. he was glaring at that totally not animal nor human being floating next to him as it was a floating skull, yes, an actual floating skull that was on fire. one could not talk about normal in this situation. lionel's tail was brushing against the ground, the cloak on his back giving him no other option since it happened to be a bit heavy.

"don't glare at me! i thought you animal's traditions were interesting so i asked you to take me a long. you didn't have to! and don't act annoyed with me either, you were the one that found me so you get to keep me to!" the skull, rose replied. yes, out of all things it was named after a flower. and the story of how lionel met little guy is one for another time, after all, it was an adventure.

"you're a skull! why do you need candy? do you even need food?!" lionel protested and rolled his eyes only to stumble on his cloak and clumsily crashed to the ground. the sound of rose's laughter filled his ears and with an annoyed huff he rolled over and got to his paws. it was then he noticed that his glasses were missing. it was a little funny seeing as that lionel was dressed as a demon . . . but he couldn't wear contacts since he didn't like them and needed glasses. knowing rose was not going to help him he stumbled around until he managed to find them. how had they ended up so far away?

grumbling he was able to put them back on, blinking in confusion as he realized he was now in front of a house. turning his head he saw rose beside him. guess he couldn't back out of it now. he still felt silly wearing a costume, but that was another thing rose had persuaded him to do. raising his head high and not stumbling on his cloak he made his way up to the front door of the house, glancing at rose, and then the door. taking in a deep breath he knocked on the door and shouted along with his little skull friend, "trick or treat!"

I have read and understood the rules. I understand that this is an early application and that I cannot start playing until October 1st. I have ensured that my form follows the rules and agree to follow these rules for the course of the game.

[Seabird]

-snip-
____
Trick or Treater:
Story:
". . . how did you manage to persuade me to do this?" the wolf asked, annoyed and sounding funny with the vampire teeth he'd managed to wear. he was glaring at that totally not animal nor human being floating next to him as it was a floating skull, yes, an actual floating skull that was on fire. one could not talk about normal in this situation. lionel's tail was brushing against the ground, the cloak on his back giving him no other option since it happened to be a bit heavy.

"don't glare at me! i thought you animal's traditions were interesting so i asked you to take me a long. you didn't have to! and don't act annoyed with me either, you were the one that found me so you get to keep me to!" the skull, rose replied. yes, out of all things it was named after a flower. and the story of how lionel met little guy is one for another time, after all, it was an adventure.

"you're a skull! why do you need candy? do you even need food?!" lionel protested and rolled his eyes only to stumble on his cloak and clumsily crashed to the ground. the sound of rose's laughter filled his ears and with an annoyed huff he rolled over and got to his paws. it was then he noticed that his glasses were missing. it was a little funny seeing as that lionel was dressed as a demon . . . but he couldn't wear contacts since he didn't like them and needed glasses. knowing rose was not going to help him he stumbled around until he managed to find them. how had they ended up so far away?

grumbling he was able to put them back on, blinking in confusion as he realized he was now in front of a house. turning his head he saw rose beside him. guess he couldn't back out of it now. he still felt silly wearing a costume, but that was another thing rose had persuaded him to do. raising his head high and not stumbling on his cloak he made his way up to the front door of the house, glancing at rose, and then the door. taking in a deep breath he knocked on the door and shouted along with his little skull friend, "trick or treat!"

I have read and understood the rules. I understand that this is an early application and that I cannot start playing until October 1st. I have ensured that my form follows the rules and agree to follow these rules for the course of the game.

I really like the costume, especially the black smoke coming off of the wings! The jewelry and fire skull friend is a nice touch as well. Here are some things I noticed while reading your story:

...the wolf asked, annoyed and sounding funny with the vampire teeth he'd managed to wear. he was glaring at that totally not animal nor human being floating next to him as it was a floating skull, yes, an actual floating skull that was on fire.

I feel like "managed to wear" isn't the best wording here. Maybe "reluctantly worn" would be more clear? I would also fix the next sentence by wording it differently. Personally I think this sounds good:

"He was glaring at the fiery skull floating next to him (yes, an actual floating skull on fire)."

That way, it's a bit more clear with fewer redundancies, and it mostly keeps the humorous tone of the sentence.

i thought you animal's traditions were interesting so i asked you to take me a long. you didn't have to! and don't act annoyed with me either, you were the one that found me so you get to keep me to!" the skull, rose replied.

Just a few grammar things here. The apostrophe in "animal's" should be after the s, and there should be a comma after "Rose." You accidentally forgot the extra o in "too," but that's just a small misspelling!

...lionel protested and rolled his eyes only to stumble on his cloak and clumsily crashed to the ground.

I would just replace "and" with "as he" for more clarity. A comma after "eyes" can also help with flow.

grumbling he was able to put them back on, blinking in confusion...

I would put a comma after "grumbling" to make the sentence flow a little better.

I really like the premise of your story, and it's a good starting point! I do agree that fleshing out more details and describing Lionel's actions in more detail can definitely improve you story. Adding some more small banter between Lionel and Rose wouldn't hurt either! At the beginning of your story, I think that using Lionel's name right off the bat instead of "the wolf" would be better in terms of quickly introducing us to your character. Also, I would go back and capitalize the beginning of sentences and proper nouns just to make it a little easier to read. With just a few adjustments, I think your story could be really great!

[Coraychi]

@Seabird
Thank you! I'm glad it's a good read!! :>

[Oshawott8888]

@Seabird
thank you so much for your critiques ^-^ I'll definitely edit over the weekend!

[jpjamz]

If you haven't been able to get into the discord via the invite link, it should work now. The link is on the front page. It was supposed to be set not to expire but apparently not. Let me know if it still doesn't work or if this one seems to stop working ^^

What is the discord? This is my first year doing LO/LO..

[Celozon]

If you haven't been able to get into the discord via the invite link, it should work now. The link is on the front page. It was supposed to be set not to expire but apparently not. Let me know if it still doesn't work or if this one seems to stop working ^^

What is the discord? This is my first year doing LO/LO..

Its basically a chatroom where you can talk to other people who are playing LOLO. This is our first year with it, so its new to everyone else too! If you don't have a discord account you'll have to make one, but its pretty quick and easy. The LOLO server has several channels, some for more laid back chatting and others for LOLO-specific stuff and things like story/costume critique, and you can always turn off notifications for channels you don't want to follow. If you do decide to join the discord chat the link is on the front page of the thread, just be sure to follow the rules we have listed in the discord, and I'm always open for messages if you have questions ^^