by black water » Thu Aug 31, 2023 10:09 am
username + id # : black water 807452
kalon name : kenji
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animatic━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ the steady flow of water. a breeze blowing through the air. plush grass beneath tired feet. and, most importantly of all, five companions basking in the warm sunny day.
afternoons often were spent this way, with the company of friends all enjoying the atmosphere. it was comfortable, and it always would be. nothing had to change because it was perfect as it was. there was nothing that had to come between anyone or anything there.
and yet. yet kenji still feels lost and distraught each time he sees them. he sees the way his friends laugh and talk and mess around but he can't shake that feeling of displacement. it all feels so fragile and fading and he can't figure out why.
perhaps he never will figure it out. but all he can do is be forced to accept this fate.
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Some things are already set in stone. But some things are prone to change, even when a person might least expect it. Life can breeze by in an orderly routine for years and years to come, only for a minor thing to set it all off and have it breeze by.
Those comfortable days of lying in the tall grass and staring at the sun until one couldn’t anymore were long gone. And it had happened with only a few moments. The ease that came with being around friends during summer days was suddenly replaced with discomfort and tension. Perhaps nobody else noticed because they were able to carry on like nothing happened. But it was enough for Kenji to feel it.
Coming back to class and pretending as if it was all normal after everything had happened seemed to only make things worse for Kenji. Not even the offer of companionship could settle the ache left in his bones. Each moment under the oak’s shade felt as though it were a death sentence, something that would drag out for years and years. Yet, it was just a few minutes after class was over.
Kenji skipped out as the days went on. He ignored the longing looks and distressed signs from those who seemed to care for him. It was for their own good, Kenji decided. He was unstable, and it was better for him to not spiral out of control around them. He couldn’t bring himself to subject them to something so horrible again.
“Hey, Kenji!” a familiar voice rang out. Kenji’s heartbeat quickened as he hurried further away from the courtyard. “Wait up!”
“Kenji, what’s up? It’s been so long, come hang with us. We’ve still got your spot saved, you know!” Wesley’s chipper voice encouraged. Even as Kenji stared into his best friend’s eyes, he couldn’t retrieve that comfort he used to cling to so dearly. Everything about the interaction only unsettled him further.
Kenji squirmed uncomfortably and shifted back on his feet. “Ah- no, no, I’m alright. I’ve gotta be home early, so… Can’t really stick around, sorry.” It was a lie, and a blatant one at that. He knew that Wesley wasn’t going to believe it by any means, and somehow, that made it all worse.
Despite that, Kenji could see Wesley’s charming smile from the corner of his eye. “Alright! No problem, man, no pressure. Just know that we’re here any day you feel like showing! Hope you get home safe, text me!”
Wesley waved at Kenji as he headed back to their little group. What used to be their little group. Kenji felt his heart shatter impossibly further just watching his best friend disappear again. He wasn't going to text back. Wesley knew it. Kenji knew it. Everyone already knew it. Something harmful had settled deep within his ribcage, yet there was nobody around to stop the spread. Kenji had turned down all those close to him. Even Wesley.
Sucking in a shuddery breath, Kenji turned and headed back on his path. It was easier this way. Now that everything had changed, it was better for Kenji to ignore everything else. It would all settle in eventually. It just took time. And sometimes that meant shutting everything else out.
One day things would turn around. The grass would grow lush again, the sun would beam into Kenji’s eyes, and he might even feel the warmth of his friends. But for now, as it was, remaining solemn was his only option.
Last edited by
black water on Sat Sep 16, 2023 10:00 am, edited 8 times in total.
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x✦ baz, he/him || ☾ • kals
ESFP // sirbazicus ☄️🦋🌊
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﹥ so stay with me
hold my hand
there's no need
to be brave ﹤
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sig @ pawschamp
icon @ fūi
