announcement: I apparently don't know how to spell announcement correctly.
oh also im trans.
Fun fact, repressing things and forcing yourself to be hyper feminine for 3 years DOES NOT work.
i personally think its hilarious that my mother started with two girls and ended up with two boys, but that's just me
Cool great awesome- this has been brewing for literal years, 7th-8th grade i transitioned and then detransitioned because my goofy little brain was like "WOW southern town no like this- that must mean no body like this! BOOP no more pronouns!"
Flash forward freshman year, sophomore and half or junior where i was nothing but hyper feminine to the point where i wouldn't even allow myself to enjoy 'masculine hobbies' that i loved,
then i got my first car in senior year and all hell broke lose.
Car stuff made me happy, working in the shop, fishing with my dad, going outside and building junk for no other reason than to create something to make my grandmother confusingly ask what the hell was going on -and why my dad was standing round like a giddy 12 year old with a flash light- as if the roles were reversed.
Started wearing clothes that made me happy- which was basically just wearing baggy jeans with belts from the boys section since the only other alternative was Justice Kid jeans at that point in life. Cowboy boots? pocket chains? yea sure. in fact i started making some clothes for myself because i still didn't feel 'right', i thought maybe it was the clothes, that i just needed to find a better style that would make me feel more like myself, and it=f i tailored that style perfectly that feeling of wrong would just disappear.
I started considering nonbinary pronouns, but it felt like it would just turn into me constantly correcting people in my life- Which to the lazy Chaley who already had to constantly correct people with my own name (seeing as to most its hard to pronounce) it just felt like i was voluntarily setting myself up to consistently say "No, they/them" every ten seconds. Which, for some people, it works. But in an area in Georgia i was staying at during that time- i wasn't ready to sign myself up for a never ending battle.
I started considering male pronouns again, people started confusing me as a boy from behind, and that made me happy. I'd rush to my boyfriend and tell him some random kid thought i was a boy for the -1 second they saw me from behind or at a distance even with my long hair- but he didn't understand the excitement with me. In fact he was confused with it, and constantly tried to offer ways i could fix that as if it was a problem.
I started thinking about my future career, i knew i wanted to be an art teacher. However, the fear of never finding a job as a trans male in a career field i want more than anything out of this life was enough to make me never want to be a male. I didn't want to risk losing my future to something i had already managed to suppress for so many years. The bottom line is that its hard to find a job working with kids in an area that isn't ready for that kind of difference from a person meant to inspire said kids out of pure fear that they would follow that same life choice.
I moved away from home. Started college, and then-
i met him.
A trans art professor.
I'm worried, but after meeting my professor, and talking with him and learning about his journey and what he went through- I'm not so worried anymore.
p.s i missed having short hair. I missed it so much.
