he is my son and I love him. precious bean.
I don't even like sadposting on here bc part of me doesn't want to see it and the other part thinks that other people don't want to see it (which is probably true) but sometimes a girl's just gotta vent y'know ?? I think holiday times are hard bc it's a reminder that I'm not going to a party or a get together or anything like that and you'd think I'd be used to it by now, after all these years of only spending it with my Mum (who I love to pieces, I wouldn't spend it with anyone else) but it makes me sad seeing peoples holiday plans and seeing how happy and excited they are. plus holidays are a reminder that I can't even afford to buy presents, like I literally cannot afford to buy presents, what with food prices going up and the power company hiking up the bill and petrol and every other bill coming in when we don't have a decent income. it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time that if I'm asked what I want as a gift I say financial stability or improved mental health or better coping mechanisms and I mean them all unironically. not to mention the complicated mishmash of the fact that art is a coping mechanism, and coming on this site is a coping mechanism, but I'm also using both to make art to try and help pay the bills, so that makes me stressed, and when I'm happy with a piece and someone tells me that it's not worth the price or imply in any way that my art isn't good enough it's like a proper kick to the teeth. like I'm trying so hard to make art good enough for people to want to buy but I'm also making art for myself, or to buy more characters because that's another coping mechanism, and when you get told things like that it's just ?? it hurts, it proper hurts, it feels like my art is worthless because someone doesn't think it has any value and it feels like they're basically saying my coping mechanism isn't any good either and it's just. a bit of a mess. in that regards. it is a very bittersweet coping mechanism. I'm the first one to preach about self love but please don't think that means I'm happy and confident all the time because. I'm not. I struggle with other peoples opinions and the content I produce and I'm also just. lonely. and don't have anyone to talk to, really. there are people on here I want to be friends with but I'm scared they don't want to be friends with me. and some people say they want to talk to me but then they. don't. so I feel like they were lying and saying it out of pity which makes me feel worse and even more lonely and I just. sometimes it's a lot of emotion to handle. so here we are.
tl;dr/ I think my art is good > someone tells me it isn't > I get sad > no one to vent to > loneliness intensifies > want friends > holidays are hard > if you're reading this please just be a good person.
anyways, back to our regularly scheduled programming
I don't even like sadposting on here bc part of me doesn't want to see it and the other part thinks that other people don't want to see it (which is probably true) but sometimes a girl's just gotta vent y'know ?? I think holiday times are hard bc it's a reminder that I'm not going to a party or a get together or anything like that and you'd think I'd be used to it by now, after all these years of only spending it with my Mum (who I love to pieces, I wouldn't spend it with anyone else) but it makes me sad seeing peoples holiday plans and seeing how happy and excited they are. plus holidays are a reminder that I can't even afford to buy presents, like I literally cannot afford to buy presents, what with food prices going up and the power company hiking up the bill and petrol and every other bill coming in when we don't have a decent income. it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time that if I'm asked what I want as a gift I say financial stability or improved mental health or better coping mechanisms and I mean them all unironically. not to mention the complicated mishmash of the fact that art is a coping mechanism, and coming on this site is a coping mechanism, but I'm also using both to make art to try and help pay the bills, so that makes me stressed, and when I'm happy with a piece and someone tells me that it's not worth the price or imply in any way that my art isn't good enough it's like a proper kick to the teeth. like I'm trying so hard to make art good enough for people to want to buy but I'm also making art for myself, or to buy more characters because that's another coping mechanism, and when you get told things like that it's just ?? it hurts, it proper hurts, it feels like my art is worthless because someone doesn't think it has any value and it feels like they're basically saying my coping mechanism isn't any good either and it's just. a bit of a mess. in that regards. it is a very bittersweet coping mechanism. I'm the first one to preach about self love but please don't think that means I'm happy and confident all the time because. I'm not. I struggle with other peoples opinions and the content I produce and I'm also just. lonely. and don't have anyone to talk to, really. there are people on here I want to be friends with but I'm scared they don't want to be friends with me. and some people say they want to talk to me but then they. don't. so I feel like they were lying and saying it out of pity which makes me feel worse and even more lonely and I just. sometimes it's a lot of emotion to handle. so here we are.
tl;dr/ I think my art is good > someone tells me it isn't > I get sad > no one to vent to > loneliness intensifies > want friends > holidays are hard > if you're reading this please just be a good person.
anyways, back to our regularly scheduled programming
