[Bitters]

Fresh out of a breakup, I find myself trying to move on and feeling guilty about it.

I initiated the breakup. We loved each other. I love him. I ended up taking the hit and looking like the "bad guy" for giving up.
We just didn't see eye-to-eye, and my jealousy was getting the best of me.
I found myself checking my phone 24/7, distancing from friends, and changing myself.
He found himself walking on eggshells, avoiding me, and feeling like I was an obligation.

It hurts. I want to move on. I want him to move on. I have a pit of guilt in my stomach.
I keep switching between feeling justified and feeling like a senseless psychopath, jumping into the abyss.
Guilt, shame, pride, fear, loneliness.
It's hard to be alone after a few years of having someone to lean on.

I check my phone less, take better care of myself, and am closer to friends than before... But I still wake up every night from a nightmare about how things could have gone differently. I want it to stop.

I found someone new that I click well with, but I feel so withholding because I am not sure if my heart is ready anymore.
This sucks.

Thanks for reading, if you did.
Bitters.

[xBluepeltx]

I know I'm late on commenting, but I still get you on the thing of not feeling ready to be with just anyone yet. ^^ I'm sure you've moved on from now, but it's okay to let everything be done in God's due timing! You're doing a good job. <3 Love ya