[Calibri]

Tysm scissors!! He looks so good omggg

The true face of evil is a small, pudgy, short-legged feather boa – and Mr Wiggles will go out of his way to ensure you’re aware of his status as an evildoer. He may look innocent and sweet, like a chubby corgi who desperately seeks affection – and yes, even the most evil of feather boas needs a good belly rub from time to time – but Mr Wiggles has nailed down the art of the deal… The deal being evildoing, of course. Now, what is his evil plan, you may ask?

The true evil is the smallest of gestures – like opening all the bananas in the house or leaving the faucet on just a teeny tiny bit so it drips ever so slightly. However, Mr Wiggles has his sights set on even grander schemes. His new plan involves cutting menacing quotes into fruits and veggies at the local supermarket – a high-end supermarket, of course, to compliment Mr Wiggles’ fine taste – so they’ll go brown and reveal the message as soon as the posh buyer comes home. “I know what you did”, “look behind you” and “I know where you live” are a few of his many go-to messages. The true pleasure is knowing he’s striking fear into his poor victims’ hearts even when he’s not present. He goes home every day after a busy day of carving his spooky messages into produce and cackles manically like the evil villain he is while thinking about his victims’ shocked expressions. This is followed by a good brushing and cuddle session with his oblivious human. He swears he’s only pretending to enjoy it.

However, Mr Wiggles has gotten himself into quite a conundrum following his new plan – of course, he says it was intentional and all part of his plan when he got his fluffy backside stuck in that bear trap that one time. It’s just a decoration to show off how menacing he truly is according to him. It wasn’t at all an accident he had after attempting to flee the scene when security saw him carve stuff into the supermarket bananas. It only hurt a little bit he says. He refuses to let his owner pry it off his tail whenever she fluffs him and trims his floof to an immaculate style. He’s gotta look cool in front of his gang.

To top it all off, Mr Wiggles happens to be the most menacing crime lord in the area and runs an underground operation of dangerous boas who carve fruits with scary messages for the unfortunate shopper. Not everyone seems to get the idea of “scary message” though, as most of his minions carve encouraging quotes or make art out of the apples. Mr Wiggles will just roll his eyes and go home for a nice bath – a bath of perfect temperature with flower-scented soap, obviously – and pity his fellow boas for not being a true crime boss such as himself. Not everyone can be such a terrifying individual as himself, after all.