XXPoncho pal # : #43XX Poncho pal name : Dikela ( From Dikeledi meaning Filled with tears )
Dikela wrote: xxxx
I am never confident, but I am sure of one thing : I'm the blacksheep of my family.
I have wings but I feel like they are burdens.
I did not have a flawless schooling like my brothers do, I'm not moved nor interested by the same things people usualy do.I dream about a world where I could do whatever I'd like without any condescending judgments.
We live in a fairly hypocritical society where people tell you to be yourself and then they judge you.
Thankfully for me my grandma was here for me. She helped me, supported me in every of my choices even If I'd change my mind.
I spent my youth doing and having to learn things I didn't liked, because it's what everyone /"normal" peoples are doing to then get a good job, find a good partner, and to build a good family.
But me, I didn't want to stay at school, I wasn't interested in what I was learning nor encouraged by the school system.
Often I lay in my bed and entrertain the thought that maybe If I slept forever, I would stop disappointing everyone.
When you're in this type of case having people by your side, friends, family, is the best thing that can happen.
Dikela wrote:xxx
Her feelings :xxx
Sleep
Stress
Helpless - Need help
Beat the odds
Work
Family - Friend's mother who had a recurence of her cancer. Tormented by a feeling of unfairness.
Sleep
Anxiosity
Neck pain
Work
Anger
Insomnia
Anger
Do not want to be around other. Do not want to talk.
Feeling of drawning and disapointing other
I say i'm ok, or i'm irritated most of the time
I stop talking as much as i used to because i'm afraid of hurting others ... But at the same time i have so much to say, i need so much to express myself by any way ...
