[yuketsu]

ＣxＵxＲxＩxＯxＳxＩxＴxＹxxＫxＩxＬxＬxＳxxＴxＨxＥxxＣxＡxＴ

username tharrotxxx//xxname vatouhxxx//xx gender male

playlistxsignals

personality

- insatiable hunger for knowledge ; curiosity kills the cat,
xthe "cat" will not stop until he is satisfied
- if he finds interest in something, he tends to focus only
xon that and will not stop until the solution/answer is found
- also physically hungry,, like 24/7 ?? ? FEED THIS CHILD
- very expressive of opinions and holds many philosophical
xstandpoints, not afraid to display any acts of disgust or
xdispleasure towards things he dislikes
- this also means that he has a high level of confidence in
xhimself, making him hard to interact with
- addresses everyone in a formal/stiff manner when talking,
x even if they make an attempt at trying to socialize with him
- others view this as arrogance or selfishness because of the
xway he regards himself and the knowledge he holds
- it's not that he's not friendly, he just doesn't make an
xeffort to interact with others and simply prefers books
xover social interaction.
- despite a seemingly daunting appearance, he is not
xthat physically strong
- known to have an androgynous voice

swing back the pendulum

ah these things never last
i shouldn't have taken this happiness for granted

//

as they said,
whats the point of learning human science?
it never eliminates
sadness and silence

//

this knowledge
it never goes anywhere does it?

bildungsroman
this timeline was written during during vatouh's adulthood as he
was looking back towards his childhood. this means reading his
child's timeline in adult perspective.

having said that, there are some thoughts, regrets, and questions
regarding himself that he adds to his narrative as well, explaining
a deeper understanding of the situation that his younger self hadn't
considered. i set up his timeline history in a bullet point format ^^

- as a young child, vatouh never had the luxury of experiencing a
xnormal, pleasant childhood. as long as he could remember, it
xwas only him and his dad.

- there were days where his dad wasn't able to provide enough
xfor him, especially the shortage of food rations. don't get this
xwrong however, vatouh still loved his dad dearly. after all, it
xwasn't his fault right? it couldn't have been.

- his dad had always been, for as long as he could remember,
xweak. the pack superiors had worn his dad down until he was
xcompletely submissive to them. he wouldn't dare go against
xthe order. in vatouh's perspective, his dad was enduring the
xabuse, even if it meant that the two of them would suffer.
xthinking back to it, vatouh never really held a grudge against
xthe pack, even if it had caused them to undergo humiliation
xand rejection.

- vatouh wasn't particularly upset at the situation; in his mind,
xit wasn't like a tragedy or something to lament upon. after all,
xeverything happens for a reason, doesn't it? the daily tragedies
xand misfortunes are all meaningful events, leading toward an
xideal conclusion. with that in mind, there probably isn't really
xany meaningless misfortune. or, perhaps this was just a positive
xillusion he had set himself up to again.
- definition of positive illusions - a form of self-deception
xor self-enhancement that feel good, maintain self-esteem or
xstave off discomfort, at least in the short term.

- so, every time vatouh hungered, his dad would apologize, apologize
xfor his weakness, for his inabilities, for the injustice and indignities
xthey faced. for the cruelty of the world, for the lack of warmth. for
xhis failure as a parent, for his cowardice. he apologized, not because
xof the pack, but on behalf of them for he feared their fury and wrath.
x his dad told him if anything they should hunger for, hunger for know-
xledge. do so and defeat the pack not with a sword but with a pen.

- so vatouh, every time he hungered, he would read, he would read,
xhe would read. every time he thirsted, he would study, he would study,
xhe would study.

- in the end, what was it for? he never felt fulfilled, enlightened.
xhe never held a grudge, so what was there to fight for? everything
xhis dad did was to his understanding. yet he did not know who his
xopponent was. aimlessly, he continued on, scavenging for knowledge,
xwith no goal or endpoint in mind.

- still, he continued for many years, yet it never filled the lack of
xwarmth in his heart.

in short, because his dad wasn't able to provide enough food, he
told his son to hunger for knowledge instead and one day defeat
the"sword" with a "pen", the sword referring to the pack and pen
referring to knowledge. although because vatouh never held any
grudges against anyone due to his understanding of the situation
of his dad, he really, has no purpose of continuing his pursuit of
knowledge. despite this years on later, he still does so, aimlessly.

more on personality
because of minimal interaction with others, he has developed a
rather dislikable personality to interact with - high esteem that is
often mistaken for narcissism. perhaps he acts so in order to get
away from others, to keep them away from him. others mistake
his knowledge as a fuel for his arrogant self and for his confidence.
nonetheless, he tries to keep the act consistent. he himself does
not remember his true personality, having kept it under wraps and
to himself for so long and all lost while during his pursuit of know-
ledge.

this "personality" has lead to the experimental realism of keeping
such an act that he has come to believe that it has become his true
personality.


.... and so to some up my form ...

basically he doesn't know his purpose in life nor remember his true
personality anymore ... truly the saddest bean in the world : ' )

--

this form basically makes u self doubt his entire character lmao,,
i really do hope it wasn't too confusing though? i tried to word it
as best as i could but it never came out as i imagined, nonetheless, i
tried my best to see what worked out ' v '

yep thats the end sorry for making u read thru that ol mess haha

playlistxextras