[exixst]

*Sigh*... This is kind of a vent for me. I'm not looking for much advice, okay? I just need to let a little bit of frustration out.

So, recently, all three of my closest friends have gotten themselves boyfriends. This has all happened within the last four months, and since two of them have never dated anyone before, this is all just one big ball of excitement for them all. Out of the four of us, I'm still single, and I really don't plan on trying to date anyone at this time.
I'm not jealous of them. In fact, I'm thrilled for all of them. They all deserve to be as happy as they are.
But... I'm now the misfit in the group.
When I talk to any of them, alone or with others, the name of their boyfriend will always pop up. It's guaranteed now. I can't have a single conversation with my friends without hearing about their new significant other. Sure, I may be excited for them, but I've started to get sick of hearing about how 'cute' their boyfriend is. It's just annoying when it's coming from three different people.
Not only that, but my friends have all decided to, apparently, start doing 'bad things;. Since this is a child-friendly website, I can't actually say what they've been doing, but I'm sure at least some of you can get the hint... Okay then.
One of them even told me that I, her best friend ever since she moved to my area three years ago, come second to her boyfriend of five months. He's not the one who has stayed by her side as she dated a total jerk, suffered through depression, and started to harm her own body. He wasn't there when she'd come to school crying because of her family problems. But guess what; I was. And yet that doesn't seem to gain me any of her undivided attention. Nope, I always have to hear of his name at least once when talking to her. And trust me, I've learned of details that I really don't care to know.
I miss my friends. I miss us being that group of four unstoppable girls who could be themselves and not live to impress anyone else. That's how it was last year, but now there's just been this big change that I didn't know was going to happen. I had no idea that I'd be questioning my own friends on their loyalty to me.

Maybe this is just me being my grouchy self, but I've lately just been feeling incredibly unmotivated. I never feel like doing anything anymore. I used to strive to be the best I can be, but now I don't want to. I'm forcing myself to do my homework and study because I don't want to make my grades fall, since straight A's is something that I must have or else, in my own opinion, I'm not working hard enough. And, according to a few of my peers, I'm almost always grumpy. However, there are times when I'm my goofy self, but when I get home from school, I realize that it's all just been forced. I don't care to go outside and have a social life anymore, I rarely answer the few texts that I get from my friends, and I'm just flat out done with people.
I guess you could say that I'm a little depressed. I don't really know anymore. I'm just so done with trying to make everyone happy, because it's obviously not going to happen.
What I really want is just for someone to give me a big hug and tell me that they actually care about me, and to mean it. I'm tired of talking to people that I don't even know if they're my friends anymore.

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Anyway, rant over now, I'm super happy that I've been able to draw again. Thanks to the new Java update, I wasn't able to use ChibiPaint because it wasn't a trusted program, so I wasn't able to draw anything. Luckily, I figured out how to adjust my settings, and now I'm back.
You see that background? Yeah, that's fire. I know it's not realistic, but I don't care. I like it. I love drawing fire. I love the colors and the way it illuminates the things around it.
This was not supposed to be some gorgeous piece of artwork that is supposed to attract the attention of others. Nope, this is just for me to draw whatever came to mind first. I didn't even use a reference, which explains why the fire looks so cartoonish. Still, I'm happy with it, and I enjoyed playing with the colors of the background.
You're free to leave your comments and critique if you'd like, as they're always appreciated. :)

~BurntPickle

[.aurelia.]

I feel your pain. I have lost many friends thanks to moving (my dad is in the Army). The fire is beautiful. I may not know you, but you seem like an amazing person and don't you forget that. *Gives a giant digital hug.* You should get yourself an ice cream. :3

[exixst]

:3 Thanks! I'd love some ice cream. That sounds nice. *scurries off to the freezer*