I was emotional during most of this art cession, things that I knew that might aid me in college might have fallen through if I'm not a large enough percentage of native american like I originally thought or can get the name of our family on the rolls.
The only one that might have known is my great grandfather and he passed away three years ago, so these secrets have gone with him. I knew I felt hurt when he passed away and now I feel; I'm not sure. Hurt, a bit lost that these things we're never mentioned before. I had thought my grandmother may, but it hasn't turned out so well.
I don't have the money for it but I guess when I do some hard family blood line research is in store... I some what really don't want to know what I find out. I hear some members of my family we're actually kidnapped at one point and so the percentage is off. I don't claim to understand, but hopefully I'll recover from it and find another way to help me health care wise and with my education. Still doesn't make it easier.
The title means alot. I'm not sure really how I'm handling the news. I know the death isn't recent but some things today have reminded me of them.
Well to get benefits for being partial native american I'd Have to track down the source, well my great grandfather from what I thought was full native american and might still be.. I'm not really sure any longer since that's what I was raised to believe and no one said any different till come of recent... So its kind of putting to question of who I really am; I don't really know. I mean I know I am me, but. The one person that might know these things is passed away, He was my elder and my cherished grandparent. He was the only one I held a candle up to as a role model.
So when all of this is playing out, the only one that has the answers has passed away. Thus the title. It hurt when it happened and for some reason this has just resurfaced those emotions.
Kiri without her markings, just her spiritual ones. No references or anything, I just wanted to draw something reflecting my mood.
Now I just don't know if I'll be able to go to college and do the things I've wanted to do with my life. I have no funding at the moment and things seem stand still.. So what I was hoping would help me out. (Being native american blood) Has only seemed.. I don't want to say a hassle, but without knowing the name of the one on the 'name roll' who knows what will happen. I mean I know phill grants but.. Like i said this is just to get it out of my system.
I still miss you grand father Lightfoot. I know you said you we're proud of me; just wish I could have spoken to you more before you died, and left your secrets untold. I'm afraid no one will know. I hope perhaps I'll find something.
