by apollo. » Sun Dec 07, 2014 2:56 pm
Dear friend,
If you call me anti-social, or a germaphobe, or say I have a crush on that guy one more time I will not be happy. You annoy me a lot, so stop before I snap at you. Making fun of me is not the way to attract attention to yourself.
With hate, your friend apollo
Dear mom,
I love you but you're killing me.
I know I should be saving up, but it seems like forever from now. My little bits of money will not help with the huge cost either.
You don't realize how uptight I was before, saving everything, living in fear of everything, even just little things, social anxiety, everything. Things have gotten so much better for me it's not even funny. I live my life one day at a time, I don't worry about failed tests, and blown money anymore. And I love living like this, sorry if it bothers you. sure it's nice to always have cash at my disposable, but I don't need it. I have enough to cover my bills, and that's more than enough for me really. I don't understand why you're making me save up either, please stop. That was my money, which I made myself. I'm sorry I'm out of a job currently, but it's not like I intentionally quit it. I tried to get it back. It's not my fault no where is willing to hire me.
*sigh* really, thank you for changing just enough to listen to me for a few seconds, and treat my problem like it was real. Then completely cutting me out, and giving me a five minute lecture on stuff I already knew. I'm sick of you mom, I know you deal with kids with all kinds of disorders all day, but you can't treat me like them. I'm way older than them, and I'm really cynical and negative. I can see through your sweet talk, and even when you're smiling, I know when you're mad. You gotta stop ok? You're breaking the bond that we never really had. Not even when I was little. I remember lying to you about having friends cause I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. Even then I knew you were judgmental and cruel and honestly, one of my worst fears is turning out to be just like you.
You need to stop judging me. It makes it impossible to have that bond you want. You're not kind, and you don't listen nicely, you make fun of me, don't consider what I'm saying, and give me longer lectures than my teachers about things I already know. You know whenever you talk to me I'm just repeating "stop talking." In my head over and over again. I don't need a minute speech on how to do laundry, when you've already given it, and I know how to do it. "I really want this for my room!" "No. Dad can make you one just like it for cheaper." "But it's already super inexpensive, and I'll spilt the cost!" "No." No matter how many times I reminded you, you never really considered it. It was always "next week I will"
And why do you care what I do to my hair? News flash, it's my hair, and my money. It's my choice to make, not yours. You always talk about those parents who smother their kids, but you have no clue what you're doing to me. Maybe I loosened up a little, but I still understand and respect boundaries. I would never do anything unsafe, or permedant. All I wanted to do was dye the tips of my hair pink, and you acted like I asked you if I could shave it all off with your razor. Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore. Understand and respect that ok? Dad does. I know you hate being "the bad guy" but it's your fault. With your years of child psychology schooling, you don't understand me anywhere near the level that he does, just because he remembers what it's like to be a kid. He knows half the time I'm just bluffing, and I wouldn't go too far. He knows that if I'm not my own leader, I'm going to end up hating you guys. If you weren't so against it either, I would have done it already, worst case scenario, I go to a hairdressers and get a few inches off to get rid of all the pink. That's not a big deal mom.
Anyway that's it. Your moods improved significantly over the last few years, so I'm really happy about that. Mom, I hate you. But I love you a million times more.
Love, your daughter.
Ps. I was serious about both my second piercing and the pink hair.