ApacolypseSo there seems to be a good start here, but there is a lot going on in such a short time, I am getting lost and a little overwhelmed. You need to make sure you can take a step back and try your best ensure the reader understands the satiation as fully as your chacter does (or more if needed) before moving on. Like explain about the toxins and how they got there, then about the effect it had on the population, how they handled it, ect ect. Throwing it all together in one paragraph makes it hard to digest.
Also, there is a lot going on in general, from general human survival from toxins, to mutated beasts, to the killer robots, and the alien. The themes are nice by themselves, and maybe two together, but all of them is a little too much for the plot to progress cleanly. I suggest picking the themes that are most relevant to your plot. To do this effectively, decided whether this is story driven or character driven, then chose what will give you the most to work with. (i.e. say you pick character driven, so you chose alien and toxic air. Therefor giving your character a challenge and someone to work with)
Also, I would suggest a read over for punctuation. There are a few periods missing that also make it hard to read. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!
CADIN ◇
my poetry ◇
◇ roleplayer ◇
◇loves chocolate & zombies ◇
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- As you can guess, my name is Cadin!
I am very friendly, feel free to PM or trade with me!
I might not be on 24/7, but I am still very active!
✎ I will be on very spottily.
I am going through a lot of personal stuff.
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