Username: Griffin Torrens
Name: Celosia
Gender: Female
Prompt: (TW: vague mentions of death)
Her biggest goal in life is to feel peace. With a mind that's constantly whirring away in a tangle of stress, anxiety and hyperactivity, Celosia craves to know the feeling of a quiet mind and peaceful day, with worries not forgotten, but overcome, and thoughts of the terrible things the future could hold put to rest, replaced by a calm confidence that life will unfold as it's meant to. The pale collie knows this isn't something that will become a reality on its own, and even with effort it won't be overnight. Instead it's something to be integrated into her life bit by bit.
* * * * *
After a long day of sport, Celosia trotted at her owner's heels, muscles still burning from the strain. She'd trained for this and had passed easily, but doubts still flew through her mind.
Could I have been quicker? Was I as good as the other collies? Are my owner's proud of me? It was then that she paused, the gates to the kennels in sight and her owner turning to wait.
No, I should be asking "am I
proud?" Feeling a little bit of weight leaving her shoulders, Celosia took a deep breath, drawing up to her full height. She focused on the tension of her muscles, then let the breath out, imagining the strain leaving with the air, shoulders and flanks relaxing in a way she hadn't felt in a while, always subconsciously tense. Tail beginning to sway in happiness, she relished in the looseness and she once again trotted at her owners heels, feeling like with practice, she could begin to feel as light as a feather.
* * * * *
She couldn't believe it. Today was the day! Much to her amazement, collies of CreekShadow were given a special reward when they passed the championships in a sport. All her time and effort had paid off as she'd earned the ribbon the previous night, which meant it was now her turn to be taken to the pet shop and choose
any toy she wanted! Quite literally buzzing with excitement, Celosia couldn't stop tapping her paws and hopping on the spot, body alight with what felt like electricity. She'd been eyeing up a plushie she'd seen a couple other dogs with, and the idea it would soon be hers was almost too much. When the doors were pushed open she bit back her nerves and nosed her way past the other dogs and people in the store, the excitement outweighing her awkwardness. And there it was! It's cute face and pretty colours staring back at her, Celosia looked at her owner for confirmation before picking it up off the shelf. Her tail was in a perpetual movement, unable to be stilled as her owner told the human behind the counter that it was her's now, tapping an object in that funny way people did when they wanted to keep something. When she was safely out the door, Celosia felt like she was on top of the world, soft plush cushioned firmly in her mouth and heart feeling warm with her joy.
I've earned this, she thought happily, the excitement evolving into a calmer feeling.
Getting happy over little things makes life so much more fun!* * * * *
Her heart seemed to solidify in her chest, eyes stinging as she fought back tears.
I never knew loving you would cause this much hurt, she admitted to herself, recalling the mound of earth that held her friend. It was selfish, she knew, but she couldn't help wishing it were her wrapped comfortingly around, not a layer of soil so determined to claim the body. Time had passed, yet the fog of grief remained. Like clockwork, the memory of it resurfaced the unwanted thoughts.
Was it my fault? Could I have changed things? It was stupid, she knew, but the thought remained like a stubborn tick, embedded into her bloodstream. Celosia blinked her eyes in an attempt to drag herself out of the memory and into the present. She wasn't surrounded by dark clouds, but colourful flowers and the caress of sunbeams in her fur. Chest still tight, she began to breath in the fresh breeze dancing through the field.
It was worth it, she realised.
All the pain I'm feeling now, it was worth it to know you, and that makes me lucky. While it didn't dampen the pain, the collie felt a cool acceptance sweep over her. The scene in front of her and the memories filling her mind were beautiful, and Celosia felt a faint peace settling itself in her heart. The world seemed to still, as if all that mattered was enjoying this single moment.
I'm lucky, because I get to live this life. And maybe that's enough.