Celozon wrote:
There is also the factor to consider that when speaking to people online, we only have text to communicate, whereas in person or on a phone, they would be getting additional cues like the tone of your voice or body language. It can be a lot easier to express in person that you are not being aggressive just by your body language, when those same words as text can be read in a negative light solely based on the person reading them. I personally try very hard to make my messages in warnings and reminders neutral toned and informative, but I know that people have read them as if I were angry or mad, even though that wasn't the case.
I think it would be helpful if some of you could give examples of the kind of things you would prefer we send in messages, particularity what you think is appropriate to send in board warnings
I appreciate you going more in depth and asking questions about the issue with harsher tones in messages!
I would relate it to when I'm in the fair trade thread and a particular user keeps giving false advice, clearly trying to help but just not knowing rarities yet. They mean we'll but they're not helping kind of vibe. I will always reply to put the correct information in just in case the person asking for advice sees and accepts a bad trade. I put myself in their shoes and realise they're just trying to help and I usually go in with "hi! Actually this trade is fair because *blah blah blah*, I understand you're trying to help and I think its wonderful that you want to help out, however it would be great if you could have a read over some of these links" then I'd link useful trade threads and explain how they work in a PM. I'm a people pleaser so maybe that's why I could find it easier than others to show a kinder tone when I want to!
I do understand its more difficult via messages as you don't have the social cues that our brains use to tell us what emotions a person is feeling. That's why there are a few common things people use. Not everyone, I personally experience my mother in law using absolutely ZERO of these online messaging cues and I always think she's mad LOL
But things such as emojis or a smiley face, people have mentioned some tag thing? Emotion tag? Or something? Ive never understood it and they always confuse me but i know it means people are trying haha. Or adding a couple of more human phrases that you would use in person, like a "have a nice day" at the end or hope you're having a nice day at the start, or whatever feels more natural to the mod. Maybe some more human understanding (for certain situations obviously) like "I understand you haven't broken this rule yet so this is just a friendly reminder that this rule exists so I have removed this post. Unfortunately if it does happen again, this action will be taken so we would really appreciate it if you remembered this rule in future when posting in this forum"
Or "your toyhouse account that you have shared contains some explicit art and we just want to remind you that this is a child friendly site so we can't accept any links to explicit content, this link has been removed but feel free to re-upload once all explicit content is gone. We understand that this may have been a mistake and we would appreciate it if you kept these rules in mind when posting any art or links to art, thank you!!
" (I'm probably really showing how I don't deal with any form of digital art but I'm sure you understand the example!)
I agree that actual board warnings are more serious and should be dealt with as such. I think the messages should just be situational. Like how you have the warning system, you deal put punishments dependant on what the persona has done, how many warnings, how long they've had the warnings etc, just use your judgement on how severe the issue is to how severe the tone is.
But most importantly I think anything that's just a reminder, particularly if this person hasn't broken that rule before, it should be the nice tone that I put as an example.
This might be a personal opinion, but I think there's no such thing as a neutral tone in messages. Anyone who has ever said to me that they try to use a neutral tone has always sounded rude and aggressive, in my opinion
I think we all should remember that we are all talking to people. And we also need to remember thay the majority of us on here are now almost all adults. Lots of us have kids, full time jobs, a marriage partner, a house, pay bills etc. We all come on here for fun (or because we're autistic as heck and it brings us peace). No one wants to have blunt or rude messages, it costs nothing to be kinder or just sound a little nicer in a message. We're all just out here trying our best
❤️
Just as a little example as well, I know my message is getting quite long, but I got a message because I thought putting an age range was acceptable, I thought the rule was to not say your age exactly, and the message was something along the lines of "you did this, this has been removed. Do not do this again. If you do this again further action will be taken" Etc etc. And I felt so bad so I sent back a message saying I'm so sorry, honest mistake, I thought we just couldn't say exact ages I'm really sorry!" And I either had no response or it said something like "no its anything that gives away anything about your age". I remember it being fairly blunt.
This message made me feel so anxious and scared and then I was just a bit annoyed that there seemed to be a negative tone at all because it was just a mistake.
Whereas if the message had been "hi there, I removed this part of your post because it included your age range, this is against the rules so I would appreciate it if you kept this in mind when messaging the forums! I understand it may have been a mistake so just want to inform you of the rule that was broken. Have a lovely day!
"
The firmness is there but it's also respectful and shows "everything all cool but pls don't do this again thannks"
Then in a response with "omg I'm so sorry I thought it was just exact age", just having "no worries! It is anything that gives away the age including age range, just to be safe! I appreciate you confirming and don't be sorry, its just to let you know!"
Then obviously if it's a second time then you'd be a bit more stern with it like "we have reminded you of this rule before and we would really appreciate it if you followed the rules and didn't post this" unless they haven't broken the rule in like 5 years then they probably just forgot haha
I hope this shows what I personally would like to see more of in a but more depth, if anyone else has any suggestions, please make them ! ❤️
Apologies for the message being so long! I hope none of it sounded like ranting too, I was just tying to give examples, but feel free to alter anything you need to 👉🏻👈🏻