❥ kalon 1700 >> sweet & sour 🍬🍋

[coconutcoyote]

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tryout form for kalon 1700


♡ introduction
♡ accessories
♡ am I sweet or sour?
♡ credits

"when life gives you lemons... squirt them in people's eyes."

[coconutcoyote]

♡ username: ☼ sun bear ☼
♡ name: belladonna (a poisonous plant; means "beautiful lady")
♡ gender: female
♡ sexuality: bicurious
♡ pronouns: she/her // they/them


"a little lemon juice makes everything taste better."

[coconutcoyote]

♡ swirled pink and blue shear scarf
♡ three neon hair ties
♡ dripping heart bow
♡ candy dangle earrings (peppermint; lollipop; rainbow belt)
__________
possible symbolic explanations*
shear scarf
♡ belladonna's shear scarf may symbolize partial/complete transparency. she may feel likes others pity her due to her mental illness. she may also feel that this transparency lets one see what lies deep in her heart; her secret that she has tried so hard to hide.
neon hair ties
♡ bella's (short for belladonna) hair ties could represent her wish for a simpler life. hair ties are often tied to a "basic" or "simple" look, which is a possible reason for her to carry them around.
dripping heart bow
♡ this bow could symbolize her heart's biggest desires; love, adoration; friends; romance. All things she believes she cannot have. This bow is tied to her, both physically and mentally.
candy earrings
♡ the candy dangle earrings belladonna wears may symbolize both her sweet and sour side. for example, the lollipop and peppermint may both symbolize the side of her that hasn't come up in years, while the rainbow belt represents her sour side, the one currently dominating over her.

*by possible symbolism, I mean that the symbolic meaning of these accessories are up to the person seeing them to decide and that these are possible ways one may interpret them. ♡

[221/300]

"know you the land where lemon trees bloom?"

[coconutcoyote]

key
bold "quotations" - belladonna
(()) - a note; not part of the story
'words' - thinking
________

The shadows loom over me, closing in, coming closer and closer. My heartbeat speeds up, my eyes widen. I am glued to the spot, unable to even let out a shriek. They pounce as one, long black fingers outstretched to grab at me. I let out a mental scream. And I awaken.

I scramble out bed, my head swaying. Sweat pours down my face like a waterfall and I turn to face the mirror. I see a tired girl staring back, scrawny and small. I slowly run my fingers from the top of my head down to the corners of my mouth and begin to pull them up, forming an odd half-smile. I hold it there for a second, my mind twisting and turning with nothingness before I snap back into reality. I quickly let it go, unnerved. My paws running through my thick fur, I walk to my barred window. The people look like mice from up here, tiny and moving around with a purpose. I notice the dark trails following each and every one of them and shiver, my eyes closing.

This is the effect of my mental illness. I can see the dark side of others. The doctors say I just imagine them, that it's nothing. They also say I can be fixed but from this I can tell they lie. I feel evil, vile. I can sense how seeing these things are rubbing off on me, the darkness eating away at my soul, little by little, piece by piece. And to think I was once normal. I had friends, a girlfriend, loving parents and a safe place to call home. I now have nothing but the sterile white walls and bed and floor of my room at the mental institution. I am a monster. A freak. A nobody.

"I feel like I'm going crazy. Or I guess, becoming crazier." I say to the nurse rolling in a cart of food, cold and bland. A shadow follows her, a wide smile plastered to it's face. I look away. The nurse says nothing, always facing me, as if she was afraid I might attack her if she turned away. 'I might just' I thought, shame flooding me. I shut up and carefully eye the dark side of the nurse. It's ears are pointed back, a snarl now in place. It begins to mutter, "God why do I still work here, I swear one of these days I'm gonna get injured." It shoots a pointed glare at me and I blush in embarrassment. The dark creature represent the true, dark thoughts of the nurse. And I hear and see everything. The pain is worse that anyone can possibly imagine, like a constant stabbing to your already cracked heart.

I eat quietly that day, lying in bed, staring up at the wall. As I close my eyes, my head is blank. Both empty of dreams and nightmares. Somehow this terrifies me. I feel odd, like something is going to happen, but nothing has. I sleep.

I wake up to my room door being buzzed open by a huge man with gruff eyes and a nasty frown. He eyes me once, twice, before saying loudly and seemingly with anger, "You're going out for the night. Just follow me, you won't need to take anything." I stare blankly, confused. His dark side seems to grow larger with every passing second but I can't think. "Going out?" I finally blurt out. My right eye twitches slightly.

His fur bristles. "Must I explain everything? Yes, you are going out. Now. So follow me." I obey, slinking past his large dark shadow and quickly hurry behind the strange man. My heart's beating out of my chest. By out do they mean out of my room? I've done that before. Or out, as in actually outside? It's been what? Two, three years since I've been outside? It's hard to keep track of time in here, especially when I'm so worried about becoming like the creatures I constantly see.

We walk through countless halls lined with doors just like mine. Each door is set with a small, barred window where I could see inside. Most people lay strewn on their beds, pumped up with medicines, but many others stood at the doors, laughing and screaming. Their darkness stood by them, crazier, eviler, holding shadow weapons. I shy away from the louder ones, the ones with darker shadows. Their shadows are the quiet, staring ones. The broken ones. 'What I'll become...' my mind spews forth, casuing me to wince.

We continue walking and I notice that my mouth is curved into a horrible smile. It quickly turns into a straight line as I concentrate on the swish swish of Big Guy’s tail. ‘How in the world am I being taken outside? I can barely control myself in here.’ A spark of fear flashed through me. What if I lost control? Broke my mind? I’ve had my episodes before, rampages through my small white room. It was always ugly.

After what seems like an eternity, we finally walk into a large glass office, staring out into the city below. An older kalon sits at the desk, her mouth a hyphen. Her dark counterpart scoffs in disgust when it sees me, but the kalon simply forces a tight smile.

“Welcome dear. Please, have a seat. We need to discuss about this... early departure.” She motions to one of the plush chairs and I take a seat, a bead of sweat threatening to drip onto her mahogany desk. Her darkness settles into another armchair and begins to hum a tune I haven’t heard before. The notes seems wrong but I don’t say anything in risk of exposing myself further. You see, everyone thinks I’m better. Or that I’m at least getting better. I’m not. I can feel that I’m getting worse, I can see and hear the shadows more clearly. My nightmares intensify with every passing night.

“My name is Isle. I take it you are...” she pauses for a brief second, glancing down at her organized binder. “Belladonna, correct?” Her eyes pierce mine and her shadow growls quietly.

I nodded, my mouth sealed shut with nerves.

She leaned back in her chair, her paws coming together. Her lips pursed, as did her shadow’s. “Belladonna, do you know why you were brought here?” She didn’t wait for a response. “You are being released.”

She must have seen my eyes widen, and so she added properly, “It’s only for one week, you have nothing to worry about.” Her shadow stood up abruptly at “nothing”.

I shivered, but nodded. There was no point in arguing. My mind was conflicted. Did they fee like a needed a break? Are they trying to prove that I really am a psychopath? No, no, I’m not a psychopath... right? I nearly screamed in frustration and fear.

The next couple of hours pass by in a blur. Buff man, who I later learned was named Rick, escorted me back to my room with a quick growl. I packed while he waited, his shadow stomping around impatiently. I was very close to just leaving everything behind in fear of making both Rick and “Shadow Rick” rage about.

As I finished putting in the last comb, Rick quickly blurted, “Hurry.”

I tensed but nothing came flying at me. With a quick swallow, I hurried after the departing Rick.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

My brain told me to flee. Run as far away as possible. The amount of shadows moving about left me speechless. I was frozen to the spot, the yellow cab zooming away from behind me. I whimpered one quiet fear but gathered the courage to take slow, shuffling steps to the apartment that Rick had pointed out on Google Maps.

I reached for the handle when a paw touched my shoulder. I let out an ear-piercing scream and crumpled to the floor, my own paws flattening my ears, my fur bristling.

I heard frantic muttering and a wheeze. I cracked open my eyes and saw a trembling blue and teal kalon, her eyes as wide as the moon, her fur as on edge as my own.

“Oh my god.” She whispered, her mouth clenched. I sat their, mute. My eyes glanced around for her shadow but they found none. ‘Probably ready to spring’.

I noticed her stand quickly, brushing off her knees. She held out an arm and I reached up to take it, still shaking.

Before I had realized, I began to apologize, tears threatening to fall. I’m so sorry. I- I get scared really easily, it’s not y-your fault. Is there anything I can do? You fell and-“ My ramble was cut short when she put her finger in my mouth.

“You’re fine. It’s my bad, I shouldn’t have just... touched your shoulder.” She smiled. “I’m Isobel. And you are?”

”Belladonna.”

“I like that. Sounds mysterious.” With a smirk, she took my paw in hers. “Since we’ve met, would you like to eat lunch?”

I nodded, my cheeks growing hot. Only then was I aware that I still hadn’t seen her shadow. Quite odd.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“Lunch was great.” I laughed. Isobel has that effect on me. It was both terrifying and beautiful.

“Maybe you can come over again? You can come whenever you’d like.” She gave me her number and shut the door softly.

That night I had sweet dreams.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I woke with a start. Shadows crawled all over the walls, their sharp smiles gruesomely large. Their eyes shone with malice. I screamed and screamed. I heard a scramble from outside the door through my panic, loud knocking.

I curled onto my bed as the shadows covered me. I was gone.

“Help!” I yelled as I awoke. Burning lights seared my skull. The smell of disinfect washed over me, and I heard murmuring from around me. As my eyes adjusted, a comforting paw, one I recognized from the night before, rested on my chest. Was this heaven? Had I died? No, impossible, I would not be sent to heaven. Not with the evilness that resides in my heart.

“Belladonna?” Someone calls. I turn my head groggily. Shadows are seated in plush armchairs while their love counterparts walk around, clipboards in hand.

“Belladonna.” I finally spot Isobel to my right, her face wrinkled with worry. “Oh god Bell, what the hell happened? You had me worried sick. I found you crying on your bed. You went unconscious and I called an ambulance but I- I thought you died.” Her eyes filled up.

I sniffled, recalling the feeling of drowning in shadows. I had to tell Isobel everything. If I don’t, our relationship is doomed. I remember reading something off an old love magazine: “No relationship can thrive if secrets are being kept.”

“I- I have something to tell you.” A sour feeling crawled up my throat. “Once everyone leaves me alone.” I manage to wheeze out with a smile.

About an hour later, Isobel sits on my bed, her chin on her hands, waiting. I begin, my body beginning to tremble with how she’ll take it. We’ve only known each other for about a day now, but there must be some sort of connection.

“I’m... mentally ill.” I see her freeze for nothing more than a second, but she relaxes. I don’t let her respond. “I was released from the mental hospital, and I bet it was so they could prove I was sicker than I was letting on. They’re right. I see shadows. Not just any shadows, but the ‘dark side’ of people. The part they hide.” I gulp. “The weirdest part is, I can’t see yours. It’s never happened before and it scares me. I feel like I’m turning evil, like I’m becoming a shadow myself. But you make me feel different. Normal I guess?” I chuckle without humor. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I- I like you Isobel. I do. But my sickness might make it impossible for us to ever be anything.” I broke down.

She stood silent, before, much to my surprise, she reached over and gave me the warmest hug I’ve ever received. We both began crying, our bodies shaking together. I felt her heart pounding against mine. I felt a sliver of my self-doubt melt away. Maybe I wasn’t destined to be the villain. Maybe, maybe.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

When I was released, I began dating Isobel. Her kind nature was a relief and a welcomed change from the harshness of the world I was used to. I spent another two months in the mental hospital until I was released. The deemed me “relatively stable” but I was still to be monitored.

The shadows didn’t bother me half as much as they used too. My nightmares were replaced by sweet dreams. The monsters melt away when I am in Isobel’s embrace. Even thinking about her would make these creatures evaporate. ‘Maybe they’re scared of love.’ I would think. The shadows themselves never got to love. Should I feel bad for them? They were like me. Shunned.

I never found out what made Isobel so special. How she was shadow-less. I just began to not care anymore. I had the love of my life. It was her that made me less evil. I didn’t feel dark anymore. Her presence cast light upon my life.

Now I just have to tell her what I’ve done before I had met her, before I was put in the mental hospital... piece of cake. Lemon cake.

[2255/4000]

[coconutcoyote]

♡ all fonts from 1001 fonts
♡ prompt idea from various friends with mental illnesses (♡)
♡ quotes taken from internet explorer
♡ "Know you the land where lemon trees bloom?" by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
♡ kalon sketch by Kyar (great job and great idea! ♡)
♡ kalon lineart by Schnuffel Bunny (wonderfully done! ♡)
♡ kalon design by Aey (absolutely breathtaking! ♡)
♡ kalon accessories by me (eh.. I did ok lol ♡)

"sweet or sour, I'll always love you."