by ~Vincent-Valentine~ » Tue Jul 30, 2019 2:14 am
[Dr. Gears]
I call this presentation “Things Dr. Bright is Not Allowed to Do”, or if you put it into an acronym, “T.D.B.N.A”.
[Researcher Miller]
But what about my-!
[Dr. Gears]
Quiet! This is very important! Dr. Bright is a safety hazard, so we must teach the new recruits about him. Now shush!
(Silence)
“Things Dr. Bright is Not Allowed to Do”
Song by [REDACTED]
{Verse 1}
[Dr. Gears]
Now let’s start from the beginning, on the first thing Dr. Bright can’t do.
(Sing) He can’t feed peanut butter to Kain,
Nor challenge Able to unbeatable games
Can’t use the word “accident”
In any of his excuses
Dr. Bright can’t end his reports
With lyrics from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”
Chainsaws are never the solution to everything and everywhere
[Researcher Miller]
(Speak) Nor More Chainsaws?
[Dr. Gears]
(Speak) Nor More Chainsaws.
[Researcher Miller]
Nor Chainsaw Cannons?
[Dr. Gears]
Nor Chainsaw Cannons.
{Chorus}
[Dr. Gears]
(Sing) We don’t let Dr. Bright do these things
To keep our lives from being changed
We’re supposed to be professional
To secure, contain, and protect each SCP
Before Dr. Bright breaks them out
Before we’re forced to kick him out
[Researcher Miller]
(Speak) But Dr. Gears, exactly WHY do we do these things?
[Dr. Gears]
(Speak) To keep Dr. Bright from doing stupid things. Like telling the new recruits you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled-up newspaper and tummy rubs? That’s exactly false knowledge!
[Researcher Miller]
But I haven’t seen him do those things yet, nor have I heard about him doing those things.
{Verse 2}
[Dr. Gears]
(Sing) Do you know SCP-963?
It’s the thing that made him crazy
When he died, he came back alive
And shocked the whole facility
Ever since he felt like a king-
[Researcher Miller]
(Speak) Which he isn’t.
[Dr. Gears]
(Speak) Yes he isn’t.
(Sing) Going off doing his own thing
But when that thing turns bad
Like making SCP-096 mad
[Researcher Miller]
(Sing) Will we have to lock down the facility?
[Dr. Gears]
(Speak) With Dr. Bright in it.
[Researcher Miller]
(Speak) Oh goody.
{Chorus}
[Dr. Gears]
(Sing) We don’t let Dr. Bright do these things
To keep our lives from being changed
We’re supposed to be professional
To secure, contain, and protect each SCP
Before Dr. Bright breaks them out
Before we’re forced to kick him out
{Bridge}
[Dr. Gears]
(Sing) I know that there is more to Dr. Bright than he seems
But I fear my old friend’s head is bursting at its seams
Things were different back then
When we still have Dr. Clef, that good old lad
There is just so many things that Dr. Bright cannot do
But the list goes on and on (And on and on)
And on and on (And on and on)
And on and on and onnnnnnnnnnn-
(Dr. Bright enters from right side of stage with a sandwich)
[Researcher Miller]
(Speak) Oh hey, Dr. Bright! We were just talking about you!
(Dr. Gears freezes, turns quickly towards Dr. Bright, and pauses.)
[Dr. Gears]
(Speak) Hello, um, Dr. Bright.
[Dr. Bright]
I heard you were talking about me?
[Dr. Gears]
Well… we were talking about the things that you can’t do.
(Dr. Bright takes a second to take of bite of his sandwich before continuing.)
[Dr. Bright]
I tried changing the motto again. They didn’t like it.
[Dr. Gears]
What is it?
[Dr. Bright]
“We don’t need Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. We’ve got Clef, Gears, Kondraki, and Bright.”
[Dr. Gears]
But, Dr. Clef is-.
(Dr. Bright cuts him off)
[Dr. Bright]
He’s in the Mess Hall. He’s got a tuna sandwich and a cup of yogurt. Sad, indeed.
(Dr. Gears storms off, and Dr. Bright sits next to Researcher Miller and takes a bite of his sandwich)
[Dr. Bright]
Gears was fun, wasn’t he?
[Researcher Miller]
Yep.
[Dr. Bright]
Wanna hear another motto I suggested?
[Researcher Miller]
Sure!
(Dr. Bright gets up and holds up his sandwich.)
[Dr. Bright]
Throw the cheese!
(Dr. Bright throws the sandwich on the ground as Researcher Miller chuckles.)
[Researcher Miller]
You’re a riot, Dr. Bright.
{After-Chorus}
[Researcher Miller]
(Sing) I’ve seen why Dr. Bright isn’t allowed to do things
Like trying to claim he’s The Doctor
I know we’re supposed to be professional
To secure, contain, and protect each SCP
But Dr. Bright makes things fun
I wish I could spend more time-
(Researcher Miller gets up from his seat and places his hand on Dr. Bright’s shoulder.)
-With you…
