Get FREE PETS! EASY!

[Dawnstorm111]

All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see
Link: Here

[Dawnstorm111]

All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see
Link: Here

[Dawnstorm111]

All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see
Link: Here

[Cylence]

Can't seem to find a way to comment there, but I can put some feedback here if that's okay!

I'm intrigued by the concepts of the setting as introduced thus far! I'd be interested to see the history of this world unfold.

That being said, the exposition feels a bit rushed? The main character is thrust into a precarious position in the second part, but we haven't really had enough time to get to know her as a person to really empathize with her, and the danger is all summed up in a couple quick sentences rather than being built up through dialogue and description over time. I might consider taking a little longer to build up the characters and the world before dropping major plot bombshells.

But again, I'm definitely interested by what you've got, I think it has a lot of potential! :3

[Dawnstorm111]

Can't seem to find a way to comment there, but I can put some feedback here if that's okay!

I'm intrigued by the concepts of the setting as introduced thus far! I'd be interested to see the history of this world unfold.

That being said, the exposition feels a bit rushed? The main character is thrust into a precarious position in the second part, but we haven't really had enough time to get to know her as a person to really empathize with her, and the danger is all summed up in a couple quick sentences rather than being built up through dialogue and description over time. I might consider taking a little longer to build up the characters and the world before dropping major plot bombshells.

But again, I'm definitely interested by what you've got, I think it has a lot of potential! :3

Thanks for the help! Sending the pets now! I'm sorry about that, I'm not a very good writer >.<

[Dawnstorm111]

All you have to do is go to this link and read the story. If you comment or post your username there with some feedback/evidence that you actually read it, I will gift free pets! They may or may not be on wl.
Also, please post on here as well if you can. It makes it easier for other people to see
Link: Here

[ikari shinji]

Love the similes. ^^

[Dawnstorm111]

Love the similes. ^^

Thanks <3

[Kay1342]

I think its good! Just make sure you're using proper grammar.

[Dawnstorm111]

I think its good! Just make sure you're using proper grammar.

GAH where were the grammatical errors??
>.< I once prided myself for having good grammar
Thanks for the feedback I'll send the pets soon!