"i don't regret being a cat."
1,307
The day was dark and grim as the crowd gathered to mourn the deceased royal.
He was to be buried in an hour and now...it was time to say goodbye.
The royal family gathered on a raised platform, the twin rulers: Queen Allegra and King Jonathan, and Lady Sonya.
And an old otter, wearing an old black coat and a hat that barely clung to his head.
As Queen Allegra stepped to the edge of the platform to deliver her father's eulogy a young cat leaned forwards, eyes brimming with tears.
To most of the creatures gathered there, Rusty Hugo Avelline had once been a good king and a fine sailor, even an alright fighter, but he hadn't been anyone personal, anyone to shed a tear for.
Perhaps the small cat who seemed too young to be there by herself had only a sparse collection of memories of the old king. Perhaps it was nothing more than a jar full of faded dreams and thoughts painted by the glow of childhood, but it raised a heavy lump in her throat as she paired the heavy wooden box with the image of an elderly fox's kindly smile.
She remembered when he knelt in the sand and placed his hands gently on her shoulders, telling her to come vist him.
She remembered how easily he could make her mother smile, make her laugh.
And despite everything she did, she couldn't strangle the sobs rising past the thick lump in her throat as Allegra finished and Jonathan, then Sonya stepped up to the center of the platform.
Then Martin stepped forwards, a scrap of paper clutched in his hand. Several times he took in a loud shuddering breath, trying to start, only to have his voice die away in a tear-soaked rattle.
Finally he managed to start out on his sentence, then his voice cracked and his shoulders slumped forwards as he sobbed into his hands.
"I can't," his broken voice cut through the air "I'm sorry. I can't."
Allegra stepped to his side and guided him away to the corner while Jonathan took center.
"My father had a dear friend...whom we were unable to make contact with beforehand," Jonathan scanned the crowd "If you are here now, Shyshie Starwalk Anj, and if you would like to say something, I invite you to come up, please."
The last word was a plea, given to someone who was not there.
The too small, too young cat with too blue eyes who wore a brown cloak like her own fur knew that. It was the reason she was alone.
It was the reason she slunk away from her bed in the dead of night and crossed the dark channel.
Her mother was not there and she did not want to be there.
And she'd be furious when she found out that Friskya had been there.
For several long quiet minutes Jonathan stood, arms outstretched, then he stepped back, nodding slowly "It's time."
Martin couldn't stand there.
He couldn't stand there and watch the dark earth cover the box that Rusty was in.
He couldn't listen as the shovelfuls of dirt beat against the hollow wood.
He could hardly even accept that Rusty was dead. He couldn't stand there as they buried his body. As they put him in the ground.
"Martin?"
He felt a light touch run over his shoulders and looked up into Sonya pained face.
His lips peeled back in a sob and they wrapped their arms around each other.
For just a second, before his vision swelled up with tears, he caught sight of a brown figure standing between the gravestones, her cloak fluttering gently in the wind.
Friskya hovered a distance from the grave, tasting a sea wind and feeling the gravel beneath her feet, the finality in her soul.
"You came here without permission."
Friskya jumped at her mother's voice and spun around.
Shyshie's mouth was tucked into a shaky line of disaproval and her paws were fisted on her hips, but her eyes were swollen thickly, tears leaking out silently.
"I....I was afraid that you'd say no," Friskya tucked her ears back guiltily "And I just... I had to come."
Shyshie tilted her head, sniffling "Why would you think that I would say no? To this, Friskya?"
Friskya looked down at her feet, creating furrows in the gravel path "You said no last month."
Shyshie seemed to crumple under Friskya's quiet defense.
"I shouldn't have," she said, stepping closer and reaching out to her daughter "I should have let you go. I should have gone with you."
"Then we could have said goodbye," Friskya whispered, letting Shyshie wrap her arms around her.
Shyshie swallowed with great difficulty, her fingers trailing against Friskya's arm "Come on....let's go sit down."
The bench was small, but it made no difference as the young girl curled up against her mother, resting her head on Shyshie's shoulder and closed her eyes.
She could only remember two other times she had seen her mother cry.
The first time when Coe laid so still on the beach, his chest not moving, his fur matted from the salt and the sand.
The second when Grandmama told her that everything was going to be alright and sighed deeply as she fell asleep.
The only times Friskya could remember her mother being sad was when she was thinking of the land. The sea, the selkies, the salt tha ran through their blood, it never seemed to grieve her.
"Did you...ever...regret not leaving when you first found out that you were a selkie?"
Shyshie blinked and frowned "What do you mean Seawillow?"
"You're so sad," Friskya's voice faltered "You stayed here and it made you sad. Didn't you regret that you didn't leave sooner? You spent all that time hiding who you were, pretending to just be a normal cat."
Shyshie paused, her eyes focusing on the middle distance as if she could piece the veil of time and see backwards.
Many things flew around in her mind, but she could only see one clearly.
"No," she whispered "I don't regret just being a normal cat. I don't regret all that time I spent divided."
"Why not?"
Shyshie looked down at her with a bittersweet salty-tear smile "So many reasons. So many, sweetheart, but the first one is you."
"Me?"
The genuine stunned look on Friskya's face made Shyshie's heart twist.
"Yes," she slipped her hand gently along Friskya's face, gently wiping away the tears "Frisk, you are the most important thing to me. Ever. That has never been different and it will never change."
Friskya managed a shaky smile and ran her fingers over her mother's hand.
"Shyshie?"
The moment was broken by a rough old voice filled with grief and surprise.
"Martin," Shyshie stood up, her hand dropping away from Friskya.
"I-I didn't think you were coming," the old otter took a heavy step towards her, eyes watering "I didn't see you."
"I'm sorry," she said quietly "I just didn't know what to say to everyone. To Sonya."
He nodded slowly, then looked past her "Hello Friskya."
She slipped off the bench and ran up to him, flinging her arms around his stomach.
"You remember me?"
She looked up into his face, almost the same as she remembered it, save for the deep lines of sorrow.
"How could I forget you, Uncle Martin?"
He managed a faint crumpled smile and returned her hug.
"Martin-"
He stopped Shyhie with a single look in his eyes and a single request.
"Come have tea with me."
"Martin I don't want to-"
Again he stopped her "Just me, kitten, no one else, I promise. Please."
Shyshie glanced down at Friskya, who looked back with pleading eyes, then met Martin's look with a soft sigh.
"Alright, let's have tea, Martin."
