
welcome to hotel valhalla! I hope you enjoy your stay! what? what do you mean 'where am I'? you're in valhalla. y'know, the place where those who die heroic deaths come to spend their days as one of odin's einherji until they perish once again at ragnarök? no? doesn't ring any bells? the doomsday of the gods? ugh, ok, you're one of those marvel bimbos. well, let me tell you now that everything you think you know about the norse gods is wrong. straight up wrong. thor, for example, is not some blonde australian actor. nope, he's a red-headed, gas-filled, overweight goat-eater who has more interest in streaming netflix on mjolnir than protecting midgard. and heimdall? don't even get me started! he- oh, would you look at the time! oil painting to the death on floor 472 is in ten minutes. I'll give you a quick run-through. your room is on floor 18 and the hotel has crafted your room to perfectly suit you. you are immortal within the walls of valhalla and you are expected to participate in the daily battle practice unless you are fulfilling a god's request or, well, 'regenerating'. oh, and by the way, you cannot associate with anyone from your previous life. as far as they are concerned, you are dead and valhalla doesn't exist. have a nice stay!
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