by 8RavenPhoenix8 » Fri Jun 23, 2017 4:34 pm
@Firelight folf
WAIT. Wait. Wait! Ok, So Mikea and Zeua are just chilling in the forest not related to any action that's been going on at all, and suddenly Axel, who was, is suddenly there with no explanation? This doesn't make any sense... He can't just teleport and act like he was there the whole time... Then he questioned Zeua's being there like it was perfectly normal for Axel to be there but it was different for Zeua? The reason Mikea is questioning is because he clearly is having difficulty. If you wanted Axel to be there because he's a loner and so are Mikea and Zeua, that makes perfect sense and that would've been fine, however instead of acting like he was there the whole time, you could have at least had him come out of the bushes. Plus, what is his reason for questioning him? Why is he there? I'm not trying to put you down. Actually, I'm trying to bring you up! I can tell you love roleplaying, and I really just want to help you be better. So, try putting more detail. All you need to do is awnser Who, What, Where,When, and How. At least most of those questions. 'Who' is easy, that's Axel, Mikea, and Zeua. 'What' is what he's doing there. Explain if he's there for a reason, like exploring the territory, or if he's doing any specific actions. 'Where' is where he is, where he came from, or what he's doing. 'When' is also easy, since when is most likely now. You might want to explain when he had certain reactions to certain characters. 'Axel turned his head when he heard a voice.' 'Axel questioned who Mikea and Zeua are when he saw them.' 'How' is how he got there, or how he did certain things. If you follow these, you can help others understand what's going on better and paint a better picture. Sorry for going into ramble teacher mode, but I just wanted to help you understand a few things. I don't expect you to write a literary masterpiece, I just want you to awnser those questions when you roleplay! ^^
I'm not trying to scare you away, I'm trying to help you stay... Please don't take what I say the wrong way.