[ ✕ ] don't give up ;; one on one with rkive

[wilde]

the first thing taemin did once entering the bedroom was crash onto his bed and try to bury himself underneath the blankets. all he wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up in the morning, hoping that everything would go back to where it was the day prior. when his boyfriend was still human, and there weren't any worries of them losing each other. he didn't want to think about the events that just unfolded minutes ago, but they flooded his thoughts. guilt started to eat him up. guilt over the fact that he should have told him about being a werewolf earlier. that maybe he could have done something to prevent this from happening. thoughts of losing finn started to fill his mind and it was overwhelming for him. soon enough, he was sobbing quietly into his pillow, tears falling down his cheeks. this is stupid, he thought. he shouldn't be crying over something like this, but it happened anyways. this just made him feel so weak and vulnerable at this moment, and he hated it. finnegan was his boyfriend, he tried reassuring himself. he'd accept him no matter what he was. human or not. those little thoughts were enough to calm him down a bit.

hearing the door open, he was quick to turn to face finn. taemin hastily rubbed the tears from his face, praying that he didn't see or hear him crying. although, he couldn't hide the redness of his eyes. for a few brief moments, he could see how hesitant he was to come into bed with him. taemin wasn't even sure if he was going to do it. without realizing it, he'd been holding his breath before releasing it when finnegan took his place next to him. he gladly welcomed his boyfriend cuddling closer to him and shivered slightly from the contact. taemin felt secure in his arms, and he tried to cherish every bit of contact with him. "i don't know," he replied honestly. he wanted to say that he was sure it wouldn't, but something about that felt like a lie and he was tired of lying to him. "i just don't want to lose you..." he added in a quieter tone, his voice cracking causing him to cringe. instinctively, taemin buried his face into the crook of his lover's neck, taking in his scent. there was something so familiar yet unfamiliar about it. the scent was finnegan's, but there was also the smell of wolf added in, and it confused him so much. he'd almost growled out loud again, feeling it rise up in his throat, but stopped himself.

a part of him didn't like being this close to another wolf, despite him knowing that this was someone he loved deeply. it wanted to show the other wolf that this was his territory and to stay away. that was the part he desperately tried to hide away, but now it seemed that it was trying to claw itself back up. another part of him felt intensely protective over him. he didn't want to see him hurt or bloodied ever again. he wanted to hide him away from the things he never should have learned about. still, taemin wanted to know about his secrets. he didn't want to lie to him anymore. never before has he felt so many conflicting sides of himself. he moved his head back to look at finnegan in the eyes again. taemin opened his mouth to talk, but, frustratingly, stopped himself once more. it can wait for the morning. there's already been enough surprises for one night.

[. nash .]

[ ooc : hope it's cool that i time skipped into the next morning..
i feel like i keep repeating myself, i'm so sorry. ]

xxxxit wasn't the answer finn of looking for but it could have been worst. seeing the red in taemin's face made his guts twist up, unsure of how to fix this. he guessed he could due to not really know what taemin was thinking, what exactly was bothering him. he could only be happy that taemin didn't seem to want to let him go, didn't want to lose him so at least they had something to go off of. there was a way to fix it, they could work through it since they both still wanted this. they had a chance and that's all finnegan needed. he needed to know that he hadn't completely mess this up, didn't make taemin hate him. so while taemin might be really upset with him tonight, there was hope that someday soon that things could maybe shift back to before this day. finn hummed lightly, pursing his lips for a few seconds. "well, then we wont let it. not right now." he said, even if that could possibly be the most naive thing he's said all day. he knew deep down that it couldn't possibly last long, not letting it affect them when whatever this was did. just one more night of peace, hopefully. finnegan fingered through taemin's hair, letting out a slow sigh as he thought through the night for the millionth time "let's just go to sleep and put this day to rest. tomorrow will be better." he murmured, though he wasn't sure if he was telling taemin or himself that. the black haired male kissed lightly at the corner of taemin's mouth before kissing the tip of his nose; trying then to give his own reassuring smile.

--

xxxxthe night hadn't went as smoothly for him as he had hoped. his ears were picking up on things he never did before; snores from their neighbors, the now loud chirping of the crickets outside, cats fighting. it was driving him mad. it had gotten to the point where he was in fear of waking taemin, if the male even actually went to sleep that night, so he slipped from the bed and made his into the kitchen. after making a midnight snack, finn laid himself out on the couch, staring idly up at the ceiling and praying to whatever god may be out there to let sleep come. it didn't. the sun seemed to rise much quicker on this night than any other. with the rising of the sun came a whole new set of loud noises to pound on his ear drum and the male knew he wasn't going to be getting any sleep anytime soon. with his mind made up for him, finn got up, briefly thanking his new genes that at least his body was fully healed up from the night before. he couldn't really hear taemin in the room, though whither it was because he was blocking out the sounds of the room the best he could or something else he didn't want to know, so he figured while the other male was in there, he would make breakfast. maybe have one last good meal before whatever was wrong blew up in their, or his, face.

xxxxfinnegan made a quick and easy breakfast: eggs, toast, and bacon, setting it all out on the table with a thing of orange juice for drink. the male fussed over the placement, trying to buy time before going back to the bedroom for taemin. he knew why he was so nervous to walk the other male, the false sense of peace he created while making the food might be breaking and he didn't want that to happen at all. he wanted to wake taemin up, see the male smile at him and just be like before but that probably wouldn't happen. not when taemin would remember the night before and everything would be messed up. letting out a steadying breath, finn turned and walked towards the bedroom door; knocking lightly once he reached it, opening it slowly. "tae? you up?" he asked, chewing his bottom lip.

[wilde]

// don't worry, you're good! and i feel the same way about mine.

falling asleep was surprisingly easy for taemin. what he didn't expect was to find in the morning was himself in wolf form. his breathing was rough and labored, and his heart pounding loudly in his ears. he had a nightmare, no doubt about it, but he couldn't remember what it was about. not that he wanted to know. he hadn't shifted due to a nightmare since, well, he'd started sharing a bed with finn. a short sense of panic ran through him, remembering that his boyfriend had been in bed with him but he wasn't. taemin could hear the sounds of someone working in the kitchen. the smell of food filled his nose. it seemed that finnegan had moved away some time ago, but when? hopefully, it was before he'd shifted. in the meantime, he chose to focus more on calming himself down. closing his eyes, taking in as much deep breaths this body would allow. his heart started to slow down at least. outside, there were the sounds of footsteps approaching which was probably his cue to get out of bed.

in the middle of stepping off the bed, he'd shifted back into his human form which resulted in him landing on the floor with a loud thud. a sudden knock from the door caused him to jump slightly. "yeah, i'm coming!" he called back, standing up quickly. scattered on the floor were his clothes that he presumably threw off in his sleep, and he put them back on in record time. taemin walked over to the now-opened door and welcomed finn with a small smile and a quick peck on the lips. "hey," he greeted, leaning against the doorframe. his smile faltered when he saw how tired he looked. he wondered if he got any sleep at all. it hasn't even been a full day since he'd become a werewolf, and taemin was well aware of the struggles newly bitten ones went through. one day you're human, and then you suddenly have to deal with these new senses and urges you've never had before. taemin could never imagine going through that, considering that he was born with it, and it honestly made him feel awful. finn was willing to go through all of that for him?

"how are you?" he asked, worry in his voice. waiting for a reply, taemin pursed his lips in thought. it was better to tell him as soon as possible. just to get it over with. "there's, uh, something i want to tell you," he added tentatively.

[. nash .]

xxxx'i have something to tell you' wasn't as bad as 'we need to talk' but in a way, it was much worst. 'i have something to tell you' meant that taemin had something to share that he must not have felt comfortable to share with finnegan. those six words were like the opening shot at a horse race, the organ beating quick and hard in his chest. again he felt like he had missed some vital moment that had broken taemin's trust in him. finnegan had always been open with taemin, at least all the things that mattered to him. taemin knew mostly about his family, how he came from a family of crime, he knew of how he truly felt of things. taemin was probably the only one who knew so much of him. no, taemin wasn't at fault here, finnegan would never blame him. finn loved taemin too much to think that tamin had just been selfish and kept the information to himself. taemin had to have his reasons. the other male seemed to think whatever he hadn't been told finnegan would ruin their relationship. did taemin cheat on finn? finn had to push the thought away, taemin wasn't that type of person. finn hated that he even thought of that.

xxxxfinnegan had heard the thump from the room but chalking it up to taemin falling out of the bed in a rush. the black haired male returned the small smile, happy at least that taemin was still willing to give him a small kiss. "good morning." he replied back, taking a small step back and shrugging his shoulders. "okay, i guess. it's really loud and i think i need to invest in some noise canceling earphones. do you know how many times our next door neighbor work up to go to the bathroom last night?" he asked rhetorically with a shake of his head. "too many times to count." he huffed in answer. "are you okay though? i heard a thump." he asked, eyes scanning for any visible injury but not coming up with any. finnegan looked away when taemin started with saying that, shaking his head slightly. "can we eat first? please? i don't think what you are gonna say will change whatever this is, it can't get any worst, but just...one more meal before whatever it is?" he asked softly, he felt bad for wanting to put it off but could one blame him? taemin thought whatever he was about to reveal would ruin their relationship. finn just wanted one last good meal just like he had one last good night.

[wilde]

the sound of finnegan's racing heart pounding in his ears wasn't reassuring at all. should he have worded it differently? the news was already going to be hard to break in the first place. taemin was genuinely surprised he managed to hide this for so long. it was a miracle that he somehow passed as human. there was so much he knew about finn's life compared to his own. from what he could remember, one of the only things about his past was how he's cut off nearly all ties with his family and that he's had a few exes before him. he wasn't sure if he ever talked his own childhood or how he was brought up on his own accord. if he was ever asked, it would always be bits and pieces of his life. taemin's talked so much about his present feelings to finn that his own past seemed easy to avoid. maybe he was being selfish about this. by trying to live a life that wasn't even the full truth. in the past, he's already lost numerous friends and lovers from telling them about his nature and who knows if finn would have reacted the same way? still, finn had so much trust and love for him, and tae wondered what he did to deserve all that. it was just too good to be lasting this long.

taemin let out an amused chuckle, listening to him talk about their neighbors. "tell me about it," he wanted to reply. "i'm fine," he answered. "just fell down, nothing else." it wasn't too far from the truth even if he spared the extra details. he visibly pouted when finn told him that he wanted it to wait, but he obliged anyway. "alright," he replied. he hoped that what finn said would be true. he laced his hand with finnegan's and lead him towards the table. his grip was tight, as if he were scared of him suddenly going away. tae hated that he was acting like this would be the last time they would ever be together. he took a seat at the table, waiting for finn to also do so. he glanced towards the plate in front of him, smiling fondly at it. for a second, he'd almost forgotten everything that had been happening. it was a simple breakfast, but he appreciated it. hopefully, their life would still be like this for the days to come.

[. nash .]

[ ooc : ahhh, sorry this is so short. i shouldn't have put off the reveal, but it just seemed like this was something inn would do. ]

xxxxfinnegan allowed himself to be lead back to the table, briefly regretting telling taemin to wait to after they were eating. his mind lingered on what it could possibly be. the six words could mean anything. from 'i cheated on you' to 'i'm from a royal blood line and i'm in an arranged marriage!' and everything in between. it was scary and he thought a lot about it last night, though mostly thinking it was things he had done wrong. taemin was going to explain an instance where finn was in the wrong and then say he can't be with him anymore because of it. there were bits and pieces of him who still believed that was what was going to happen, taemin was just trying to be nice about everything and break it to him softly. finnegan took his seat quickly, plating some of the food that was spread out on the table though suddenly not feeling all that hungry.

xxxxhe couldn't stop thinking about what was to come, his stomach tying up in tighter and tighter knots. he worried his bottom lip between his teeth, pushing the eggs lightly with his fork. they should just get this over with. if it was out in the open he would still stressing over what it could be and just know what it was. "taemin?" he asked quietly after a few moments of silence. the male put down his fork, looking towards the male but not exactly at; most at the wall right behind taemin's head. "can we talk about it now? i thought i could sit through this meal and be able to not think about it but i can't." he explained, letting out a slow breath. "i keep thinking that it's something i did, and if it is then i need to know so maybe i can fix it, so that maybe things can go back." he added, not really filtering what had been in his brain. "i mean, as long as you are still work on this with me." finnegan stopped himself, biting onto his bottom lip again and looking back at his plate. "sorry, i'm rambling." he said sheepishly.

[wilde]

// i don't mind that at all! it helps adds in some suspense ;0
this one's also a bit short eep.

taemin stared down at his plate, not daring to look up at his partner. he hadn't been hungry ever since he woke up, but he thought that this would've helped. it didn't. holding it off just seemed to make things worse. finnegan's heartbeat didn't seem to call down at all, which was a telling sign to him. other than that, there was nothing but silence between them. throughout their little breakfast, if it can be called that, taemin picked at his food. glancing up slightly, he could see that finn was doing the same thing. then, finn started talking after some painfully long minutes. his heart dropped as he listened to him talk. did he really think that way? that he'd made some mistake at some point, and he was going to pay for it. the only thing he could think of was him joining the fighting ring, which he was admittedly still upset about, but that wasn't what he was going to talk about. he felt awful for having some part in making him feel that way, especially when things weren't as smooth the previous day.

"it's not about you, i promise," he tried assuring him. he nervously scratched his arm, unsure of how he was going to word this out. there really wasn't an easy way to put this out without being blunt. "there's something i've been hiding something ever since we started seeing each other," he confessed, starting off slowly. "i don't know how much it'll change everything, but i just want to say ahead of time that i'm really sorry." he reached out across the table to grab finn's hand. "but, you'll love me no matter what, right?" maybe that was just wishful thinking. taemin looked up to meet him in the eyes. then, it was time for the reveal. for the one thing he's been dreading for years. "finn, i'm... i'm a..." taemin paused to steady himself. he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in and then out. he can do this. when he opened his eyes, the warm brown was replaced by an almost bright, piercing yellow. "i'm a werewolf."

[. nash .]

[ ooc : i was listening to some really sad music as i wrote this. i'm so sorry for finn's dramatic butt ]

xxxxa werewolf. that was what taemin was hiding from him? it wasn't as terrible as he thought it was going to be but it hurt no less. it was stupid, so stupid lie about something like that. finnegan didn't care if he was blue, green, tall, small, here or there; finn loved him, would most likely love him long after too. it hurt, striking something deep that taemin didn't want him to know the truth. was content to continue the lie for who knows how long. if finnegan hadn't been bitten, would he still be in the dark on what his boyfriend actually was? the bright yellow eyes all but confirmed that this wasn't some stupid prank taemin was pulling on him. taemin had hid this from him and who knows what else. finn knew taemin didn't really like talking about his past, never pushed because the past didn't matter, not really. but now his brain would just keep wondering what else was hidden in the dark. a werewolf, and the only reason he learned of this was because of the ring and being bitten. taemin knew that sooner or later finnegan would be able to smell and understand that taemin wasn't human like originally told.

xxxxfinnegan didn't know how to really feel in the end. it was just so weird. from the moment they meant, he was under the illusion that taemin was human. sure, it wasn't that big of a deal. taemin was still taemin. his dna didn't change who he was. what hurt the most was that taemin chose to continually to lie to him. even after learning that finn wouldn't have cared what he was that finn just wanted him in his life. the trust that finnegan had thought the relation had wasn't really there was it? taemin didn't trust finnegan to stay, didn't trust fin with a piece of information that was obviously very fundamental to him. "oh.." finn said lightly, staring at the flared eyes for a few moments before returning the gaze back his plate. emotions flashed over his face without even realizing it; anger, confusion, understanding, fear. they were all so contradictory. he could see why but also couldn't, so mad that taemin withheld that but fearful that there was even more that was being hidden. nevertheless, finnegan still loved the male. it wasn't like he could just flip a switch and not love taemin. he was just hurt, for the lack of better terms.

xxxxmad too, finn had shared so much with him. about his family, about how he just wanted to be good for someone. real deep things that he never thought to share with anyone else, no one he did, nor hide away from taemin. he wanted taemin to know everything about him and yet..taemin didn't seem to keen on the idea. of course, finnegan knew that he was no saint too. there were things finn still didn't that he didn't tell taemin right away, for example that ring. finn didn't tell him until he had to, knew how taemin would react if he told him any sooner. finn didn't realize how one sided everything would seem to an outsider. it would almost seem like finnegan was trying to make a relationship where there wasn't one. finn felt a bit stupid, he shouldn't have realized what taemin was before. there were signs, there always is. he was just oblivious and in love to see them. god, how stupid could finnegan be? the black haired male let out a chuckle, though not humored by this at all, shaking his head. "wow, a werewolf." he murmured, tugging his fingers through his hair and letting out a slow breath.

xxxxfinnegan lightly placed his fork down next to his plate and clearing his throat. his mind was still racing and he wished there was a way to calm it down for just a second so he could gather more than two words together. the male leaned back, tilting his head back and closing his eyes tightly. why did he feel like crying? "i still love you taemin. whatever you are, human, werewolf or otherwise, i love you. i couldn't stop loving you even if i wanted to." he said with a set tone. he wanted taemin to know that at the very least. finnegan lifted his head back and looked at taemin, searching his face for some answer to a question he has yet to ask. "i just.." he let out a shaky breath, frowning slightly. "i just want to know why. i don't understand why you felt like you could't tell me, didn't trust me to still love you when you told me you were a werewolf. where did i make you think that i wouldn't?" his voice suddenly exasperated. "i just don't understand." he mumbled, leaning forward and rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes; probably to try and stop crying though he was sure taemin could smell the salt of the tears. "how long would have you have waited? to tell me? 'till we were married? had kids? on our deathbed? never?" he asked then, hands falling away from his face to stare at taemin.

[wilde]

// that hurt,, the poor baby :((
also sorry if this is sloppy. it's like 3 am, but i wanted to have a post up.

suddenly, the already small room of their apartment started to feel even smaller. all taemin wanted to do was curl up into a ball somewhere and just disappear. it was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders and another one immediately replaced it. he hurt finnegan. he hurt him because he was a coward and was too selfish to think about how this would affect everything. this entire time, he's been so focused on hiding everything away from him, ignoring the trust he had in him. all that just so he wouldn't lose him. with every single problem he's had in the past, he thought that hiding away from it could fix it. he couldn't blame finn for being upset at him. taemin looked down at his lap, afraid to look at finn in the eyes. he didn't want to know what expression he had on his face, knowing it would make him feel even more guilty.

finnegan loved him. hearing that was reassuring at least. he was ready to give his whole 'all werewolves aren't bad' speech, but it didn't have to happen. finnegan's always told him that he would always love him no matter what he was, and a part of him doubted that. taemin's had a few human dates and boyfriends in the past leave them when they find out, and that was enough to leave a mark on him. he's seen the look of disgust or fear on their faces. how they quickly stare at him like he's some animal. it broke him every time. the fact that their opinion on him could change so fast even if they've seen what he's like before. all he wanted was someone to love and for him to love back, but it didn't seem like he'd be getting that any time soon. that was the way he thought until he met, finnegan.

he couldn't believe how oblivious finn had been to this. how he'd managed to ignore that he was a werewolf for so long. taemin's always had some anxiety over him finding out on his own. he'd never imagined him telling his boyfriend himself. hell, he never imagined finn getting bitten. it made him feel guilty, knowing that finn had trusted him so deeply and he couldn't return it. that he doubted every word he's ever said to him. he's managed to lie throughout their entire relationship. lie about being human. the fact that finnegan was blaming himself for this made him feel worse. he was a horrible person, wasn't he? well, to himself he was. the thoughts running through his mind were doing nothing but berating him.

there was the smell of salt, from tears he assumed. he finally had the courage to look up at him, letting out a whine. "don't cry, please," he begged, his voice shaky. he wondered for a moment, were his eyes still yellow? but, that didn't matter anymore. finnegan already knows. "i was hoping to never tell you," he answered honestly. he ran a hand through his bleached hair. "it's all my fault," he murmured. "i should have told you this earlier but..." taemin started to feel like crying, too. nothing could stop an awful feeling from welling up in him. "i've been so scared of losing you," he continued in a quieter voice. "i love you so much." he would've given more apologies, but no amount of sorrys could repair what he's done. "god, i don't deserve you..." he mumbled, looking down at his lap once more before covering his face with his hands.

[. nash .]

[ ooc : i hope this is okay. ]

xxxxnever. he was never supposed to learn about the fact the guy he loved wasn't human. anger rampaged through his body at the idea, the wolf that now resided in him pacing just under his skin; it was an honest to gods miracle that he hadn't shifted upon hearing those words fall from taemin's mouth. "don't cry?!" finnegan growled out, voice raising. "are you serious, taemin?" he asked, brows furrowing together in confusion. "you just told me you are a werewolf and were never going to tell me!" the black haired male snapped, feeling his eyes burn with tale of his eyes shifting color. "and i know i'm not innocent in any of this, in any sense of the word. but at least i plan on telling you whatever it is in the long run!" finnegan was definitely going to get whiplash at the constant change of emotions. he was so mad yet so ashamed at the same time. taemin obviously thought he was like every other guy he's dated, finn had no idea when he managed that one. he thought taemin knew just how much finnegan loved him. maybe a lot of this anger was more towards himself in some way. "i still just don't understand any of this, i really don't. i thought you knew just how much you meant to me, how much i love you." he mumbled, tapping his fingers on the table, finally noticing that the fingernails were not ones that belong to a human. instead, he just balled his hands up into a fist and sucked in a deep breath.

xxxx"i.." finnegan started, looking down at his own lap like taemin had after finished talking. "I don't think i should be here right now. i just need...some time." finn murmured out after a while. "cause this is a lot and i'm sure there is even more i don't know about you and i don't think i can handle anymore bombs." he said softly, slowly rising to his feet. "so i'm gonna go and you...you can do whatever but i just want to be alone." he said, crossing the room, but pausing to give taemin a small kiss on the head before fleeing the apartment. he didn't know where he was really headed, he knew somewhere in him that running away from this wasn't the most brilliant thing but he didn't know what to do. his emotions were all over the place and staring at taemin, seeing the male upset, even if this was mostly his fault, made everything in finnegan go even crazier. the wolf whining, confused on what was really going on, the human being so angry at not being trusted even after everything.

xxxxas soon as he stepped foot outside in the air, he felt a bit lighter. knowing he had the room to run from any danger or revaluation was freeing, after his fee carried him further from his problems. finn felt bad for leaving taemin but nothing productive would come from him staying there. he would constantly go in circles of being mad, being ashamed, being sad, and back again. this wasn't their first fight, and in finnegan's heart he hoped it wouldn't be their last either. things were rocky now, the light dimmed to a small speck at the end of the tunnel but still there. they say that time heals all wounds and finn could only hoped this saying applied here to. he really didn't want to lose taemin but he was unsure how the relationship would stand. all the trust caved out from under them, finn couldn't help but wonder what else he didn't know about taemin. the other guy always seemed to be talking but always about nothing if finnegan really thought about it. could he really say he loved taemiin if he didn't know something so important as this? that idea alone scared the male crapless.

xxxxfinnegan had found himself at the gym, losing himself to the rhythmic punching of the sack of sand that hung from the ceiling. by the time he was done, he was sweating, but calmer. he felt more at peace than before, the wold even calmer than he was used to. a quick glance at the clock on the wall said that he spent most of his day here, the time well into the evening. it was time to go home, he couldn't hide from this forever. not thinking for a while had helped, or at least finnegan thought so. he didn't feel so bogged down at least. finn wasn't sure taemin would be there when he got back, wouldn't blame him if taemin did decide to get out for a while and wasn't back yet; if he was coming back at all. the idea had struck him once while sparring. what if taemin did decide to pick up and leave like a ghost. it renewed an anger in him for leaving the other alone, how could he leave taemin like that? who knew what taemin was thinking about all this. he probably thought that finnegan was just like every other person who left him. it was at that moment finnegan wished he could punch himself in the face.

xxxxthe boxer was a bit nervous again upon reaching the shared apartment door. he was scared to find what lay behind it, or more important what wasn't anymore. he had to find out though, so the male opened the door and stepped in quietly, shutting the door behind him. "taemin?" he asked lightly, now knowing he didn't have to shout to make his presence known. taemin was a werewolf after all.