( ✨ i loved you / dameron & frightened eyes )

[frightened eyes]

”very well, then.” he spoke, still having a sense of unease. but nothing could be wrong—he had poe, right? ben solo may be gone but dameron—he would always be his weakness. ”we’ll get you fresh clothing—some bandages—and then after tonight, you’ll meet your squadron, and we’ll get you familiar with TIE technology.” he mused, his hand moving to the small of the pilot’s back as helped him from the room. something about the commander, well, made you trust him—he had that trustworthy air to him. and ren was trusting him with a lot of things by putting him in command of a squadron.

”as for sleeping arrangements, you can either get your own quarters, or you can stay in mine, as i’m hardly in there anyways.” he says as hey walk, ignoring the curious looks they get as they pass officers and troopers alike in the halls.

[danheng]

he swayed a little standing upright, grateful for the steady hand keeping him supported. his head was spinning, but he could see alright, so he started walking. stumbling at first, but then with purpose; adjusting to the pain as they went. as ren provided two options for sleeping arrangements, a part of him longed to sleep close to ben again- feel his proximity, exist in every calming aspect about him- but the other, logical part, knew his own quarters was much smarter. his own space to plan and learn about the star destroyer was much more ideal.

"either works." instantly, logical dameron scolded yavin farm boy dameron. I'll work it out. he reassured himself, eyes directed to his feet- the toes of his boots scuffing the floor with each unsteady stumble.

[frightened eyes]

ren sighs, pausing to scoop the pilot into his arms, one arm underneath his legs and the other around his back. ”this is a one time thing since you’re injured.” he tells him in a grumble, walking with longer strides now that the commander was in his arms instead of stumbling alongside him. no one payed them much attention as they passed them, except from the scrunching of noses from the officers are they saw the pilot’s blood making a scarlet track down the side of his head.

”this is where you’ll be staying.” ren speaks, finally, as they reach a closed door halfway down a hallway. it’s right next to his own, and it gives a low hiss to admit them as he steps inside before setting down poe on his feet. his eyes travel over the room—the standard bed with the sheets pulled tightly around the edges, the storage shelves for clothing, and other necessities. ”i’ll, ah, leave you to get familiar with your room as i go and get you bandages.” he mumbles.

[danheng]

his eyes widened slightly in surprise as ren scooped him up, the pilot's smaller frame easily supported by ren. instantly, he froze, once more torn between knowing this was not right and the surprise of feeling the warmth of another body against his. but the journey was short, and before he knew it, poe was on his own feet again, one hand pressing against the doorframe until his head stopped spinning from standing upright again, and then looked over to ren.

"thank you." poe responded, and this he didn't have to cover with falsity. he was thankful. poe would be able to survive another day, even if he had to betray ben- no, ren- to return home.

[frightened eyes]

his hands automatically moved to fit to the curve of the pilot’s waist, long fingers splayed and gripping tightly to steady him—an automatic response. he would’ve done that with anyone. even so, he wasn’t so sure about that, and it frustrated him, made his fingers tingle. this—this care, was something he wasn’t supposed to be capable of. it shouldn’t have even been possible with him. his eyes met poe’s behind the mask—and once again he was tempted to pull it off, to press his hands to the sides of poe’s face, and—he stopped his thoughts, gritting his teeth and willing himself to get under control. he was, a bit taken aback by poe’s thanks, in all honesty, he had expected hate and harsh treatment for what he did to him, forcing his way into his mind the way he did. because he wanted him to hurt, to make him feel pain unknown to man. to destroy everything that could weaken him.

but, as it had ultimately turned out, he hadn’t had to strength to do so. and it terrified him in a way he hadn’t felt before, overcome with a sense of weakness he wanted to snuff out as soon as possible.

so he just gave a slight nod in his direction at his thanks, unsure of how to respond and mouth working with tension. settling for this, he reached out to lightly touch his arm with his fingertips before drawing his hand back and inching silently out of the room, only hesitating for a moment before walking down the hall, an unfamiliar thrill down his spine, not quite sure as to what he’d meant by his touch.

[danheng]

as ren disappeared down the hall, poe missed the touch, and it felt wrong to feel that way. his mind was fighting a constant battle, logic screaming at him that this wasn't his ben, but every other part of him wanting to take the easy way. to give in. ben would never hurt him- that man was no longer ben. but if he'd been able to show even a little mercy, didn't that mean there was a way to rekindle that kindness...?

poe snapped himself out of his thoughts, crossing the room to pull off his jacket, drop it on the pristine sheets of the bed. take inventory. no blaster, he'd lost it on jakku. no comm either, but he still had his dog tags, his mother's ring, his flight papers and identification, which he dropped on top of his jacket. other than that, he was empty handed. he'd have to start from nothing. he knew he could hijack a tie-fighter if given the proper tools, but he'd have to disable any trackers attached to the thing and out-maneuver the turrets. that meant learning how to fly a first order tie-fighter.

this would be fun.

[frightened eyes]

scaring the medics enough to get what he’d needed for poe, he went back the way he came with bandages and painkillers clenched in his hands along with antiseptic to prevent infection, along with a change of clothes. he gave a brief knock on commander dameron’s door and announced his presence, respectfully, before the door admitted him with a hiss, sliding shut behind him.

his eyes moved to poe, and he felt as if he were being strangled, having never once seen the pilot without his jacket, or even his flight suit. he was reminded painfully with a tightening of his chest how it would have been in the resistance, with poe coming back every day in his flight suit, that crooked grin of his—and he stopped the thought before it could go much further. there was no time or need to think of that now. he’d made his choice, right?

for a moment, there was just the soft sounds of their breathing mingling in the room, his eyes locked onto poe’s frame, utterly dumbfounded. he’d changed a lot since he’d last seen him, after all—there were more scars there than there were, but, as he knew, the same went for him as well, just triple the amount.

he set the change of clothes—not bearing the first order insignia, as he’d made sure he was wearing nothing bearing the first order’s symbol, at least not yet, out of respect—and the painkillers on the desk, reaching up to carefully unlatch his mask and set it down beside them. ”come here.” he murmured and after a moment poe complied, ren drawing him near to him with his fingers loosely wrapped around his wrist with a light, gentle tug, and poe’s hands fell limp against his chest.

he was quiet as he worked over him, his fingers brushing back poe’s hair from the side of his head—having taken his gloves off, poe’s skin was warm against his cool fingertips—searching for the wound on his head before he cleaned it with antiseptic, sealing a bandage against it to keep the bubbling medicine against his skin, and his hair fell back into place. he moved to his wrists, then, pulling back his sleeves to touch his fingertips gently to the skin there. they were rubbed raw and tender from the restraints, and he could see the indents where the metal had bit into his skin. he rubbed the cuts from the metal down with antiseptic just to be safe, before wrapping long strips of bandage around his wrists.

”here.” he murmured, taking the painkillers and the change of simple coal grey clothing, handing them over to him and nodding to a door. ”there’s a bathroom, over there.”

[danheng]

poe had tucked his things into the pockets of his jacket, letting out a little sigh when ren returned, quiet as the door slid shut. poe suddenly felt very vulnerable. he considered grabbing for his jacket, just to put up another meaningless shield against his betraying heart, but had frozen as he watched ren slowly move, setting down some things he'd brought in before removing his mask.

poe felt his breath catch in his throat. only the second time he'd seen ben's face since so long, only this time under safer circumstances. ren beckoned him in a low voice, and though his feet moved forward, his knees felt week, chest felt fuzzy. he could only do so much as comply as he quietly tended to poe's head, brushing back his hair in a familiar fashion, cool fingers pale from his gloves working delicately to clean his injuries, wrap bandages over his forehead and temple. it stung, but he'd felt worse (much worse, considering the recent events) and he stayed uncomplaining until ren took his wrists, drawing back his sleeves.

he pulled back on instinct, sharply and with a bit of urgent shock, but just as soon drew forward again, head ducked, a silent apology for panicking. poe knew he was only helping; it was reflex. momentary flashes of anxiety that reminded him of his years with the resistance, fighting being cuffed by new republic authorities and first order alike.

but then ren pulled back and was presenting him with a change of clothes. poe looked them over before taking them in both hands, giving a little nod and stepping into the bathroom to change, toeing off his boots on the way.

the shirt rode up a little around his waist, the collar scratchy on his throat- so he unbuttoned it- but he was thankful to get out of the bloodied and dusty clothes. the tanned skin just by his hips that peeked out from the grey clothing was discolored with a star-patterned scar from an unfortunate run-in with a mercenary and a blaster. he tugged the hem of it down before he stepped back into the room.

[frightened eyes]

his brow had risen slightly in confusion as poe jerked back, but said nothing about it other than giving an inclination of his head to acknowledge his silent apology before he’d released him upon wrapping his injuries. he waited silently as poe did whatever he needed in the ‘fresher, his hands coming up to drag down his face. he needed sleep, but could never afford it in times like these.

he looked up once poe had reappeared, and his breath caught in his throat, trying not to acknowledge the exposed skin by his hip. though, his nose scrunched, seeing the unbuttoned collar—if he wore that in the halls, he’d get chided for not using standard protocol.

”well,” ren began, hands moving to clasp behind his back as he straightened his spine. ”will you be alright here alone?” he was hesitant to leave so soon, in case the commander needed anything from him.

[danheng]

instantly ren's eyes drifted down to his waist, and poe didn't know how he felt about that. but just as soon as he looked down, he looked up, glaring disapprovingly at the carelessly unbuttoned collar. poe couldn't help but smile, the corners of his lips twitching just a little. he'd always been a little too casual with his uniform choices. none of the pilots minded- except those who stole a couple of glances now and then- and besides, poe thought it was kind of funny to see ren so caught like that.

"I'll be fine." poe responded. always worrying. but he pushed those words from his mind, turning away to move his jacket to a different surface, before pausing. "i-if... if..." he stumbled over his words for a second- quietly. "if you want to talk- catch up- I'd like that, sometime." seemingly the moment he tried to convey his soft spot for ben, he became a mess of words. all of his charisma instantly lost. maybe if he knew more about what made him turn away from everything- or a least a little bit more about this kylo ren, maybe he was one step closer to ben solo.