heaven | giaa x peggy

[Burning_Roses]

James stumbled bac as Sergio began her tirade on how the ways of the world worked and James felt bad. His stomach dropped and he fell silent as he was pushed against the stainless porch. Once Sergio finished he moved rom under her grip with a glare, "I'm sorry Sergio. You're right I can't begin to understand what you and Luciano have been through but because of me you had to go through it again, both of you. So forgive me this once, but I'm not going back to the person I used to be and nothing, I mean nothing will ever change that." He sighed and turned walking down the sidewalk towards the one lone street lamp but he turned, "I'm tapping out. Go live a normal life, Luciano too. Tell him I'm sorry. That I would've liked things to be different between us, maybe a happier ending." He turned nd walked off towards his apartment and sighed he felt water running down jos face and reached up realizing he was crying again. Dang it. He wiped his face and sighed softly taking a deep breath. He wasn't gay, he wasn't the same, he was going to change, he was, he was.
//Are we still gonna bring the sketch James made into this?

[pereyra]

Sergio watched James go, cursing under her breath, but she didn't stop him. If he wanted to do this, then fine. Fine. She could live (passive aggressively) with that.

Two days later, Luciano found himself back at his own apartment. Charlie was nowhere to be seen, and the place was nearly just as spotless as he had left it, but all of his instruments were gone. He tried not to let that get to him. They could be replaced, after all, right? Charlie couldn't, though. And Luciano struggled to keep his composure thinking about it. It wasn't until he had wandered back into his bedroom, checking under the bed for the case that once contained his flute, that he found both that, and a piece of folded paper, which he hadn't remembered hiding under there. He pulled it out, frowning as he unfolded it. Of course, it was James's drawing of both of them on the day they had met, with all the paintbrushes and the rain and the potential to tell a much happier story than the one that had happened.
He should give it back.
It made sense, right? It wasn't like giving the drawing back would be an excuse to see James one last time before exiting his life completely. After all, he wouldn't blame James if the other man never wanted to see him again. Everything that had happened was his fault, and if James had just let Luciano leave the hospital alone, none of this would have ever happened. But James had told Luciano that any life with him was better than a life without him when Luciano had tried to leave alone, and Luciano had been clinging to that for the last year now. Why did he feel like he was being abandoned?

// oh absolutely

[Burning_Roses]

James was miserable to say the least. He had cleaned out his house of all his musical gear and had almost gotten rid of Zuki, but he loved the little bird to much. So two days worth of cleaning left him with boxes of his old life to give away. He stared at them and felt his heart sink. Was he doin the right hong? Was Sergio right? That he needed to live, he had the chance and he had to take it. He sat down as the racing heart began again and his breathing quickened and he tried to catch it. Finally he calmed it down to a suitable level of normal when he heard a small knock on his door, he straightened himself up and walked about to open it but hesitated slightly, "Uh who is it?" He called out and the awaited the reply, he wiped quickly at a few tears which fell.

[pereyra]

Luciano almost backed out as soon as he knocked on James's door. It was a little too late, though, and when he heard the other man call out, he hesitated before responding. "It's- uh- it's Luciano. I have something I wanted to give back to you." Luc found himself staring down at the drawing again, biting his lip. He didn't know if giving the piece of art back was the right thing to do, but it felt appropriate. Especially if he wanted to return to things the way they were before James had walked into his life. "I'm sorry. I just thought... you might want it back."

[Burning_Roses]

James froze and a small smile played at his lips, "Oh hey Luciano Wha-" he was cut off by the male who held out the drawing. James gently toolbar it and looked over it for a few quiet moments. He felt his heart almost shatter and he watched his hands begin to tremble. He [censored] his eyes tightly as he began to cry, every bit of emotion from the past year pouring over his cheeks. He sobbed and threw his arms around Luciano tightly. He was bawling, loudly. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" He cried over and over again Rhee drawing still in hand as he continued to cry, every last bit of emotion from the camp and the last two days or so just uncorked. He knew he didn't want to change, he cared about Luciano and he really liked Luciano but he wasn't supposed to be gay. It was wrong, at this point James felt so conflicted he just sort of curled up and sank to the floor
Crying. Then came the erratic breathing a he tried to catch his breath. He tried and tried and finally it evened itself out enough. Then he looked at Luciano, he looked downright miserable, his face was thinner and dark circles rested under dull eyes, they had lost all their vibrancy. He sniffles and sighed, "I must look pathetic." He sighed softly

[pereyra]

Luciano had sat down on the floor next to James, not touching the other man for fear of how James might react to that, but still trying to offer some sort of comfort by being there for him if James needed him. "You look human," he replied to James comment, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his head on them. "I just wanted you to have your drawing back. You used to be really passionate about art. I don't know if you remember that, but you were. And I-" Luciano paused, took a deep breath, and sighed. He might as well be offering up his heart on a silver platter now. "I know you've changed, but... I was so, so close to falling in love with you. Before everything that happened. I think it's fair that you know that."

[Burning_Roses]

James wiped his eyes as he listened to Luciano. He felt his heart jump somewhat, "Luciano, keep the picture. Please?" He looked to the other male and reached a hand lit taking Luciano's gently, "I think there was a point that I said, any life with you, is better than a life without you." He sighed and squeezed Luciano's hand gently, "I meant it. I truly did. I was falling for you, hard and fast and now I feel terrible for the way I've acted these past few days, I miss our old connection. I want to go back to being your James. It'll take time but I want to do it, because I don't want you to leave, I'm miserable without you. I feel so alone. I felt like I had abandoned you in your time of need. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He started to cry again still holding Luciano's hand

[pereyra]

Taking the picture back, Luciano set it down to the side, then slowly reached out to pull James into his arms while the other man cried. "I wish you didn't have to know what this feels like," he said softly, nuzzling James's short hair. He could understand what James must be going through- the confusion and conflict and loneliness and everything else that came with it- and it was something he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. "You shouldn't be my James, though. You should be your own James. People shouldn't belong to other people." Luc really was starting to sound like Sergio, but he meant what he said. People should be free. Then again, there are a lot of different types of freedom.

[Burning_Roses]

James hugged Luciano as he cried onto the other man's shoulder holding him tightly, "I want to be my own person with you Luciano I want to give us a try again!" He said tears still running over his cheeks, "The last ear and two days have been unbearable without you. I missed you and I missed our connection." He added as he wiped at the tears placing his forehead against Luciano's forehead and brushed a hand against his cheek, "I want to have you and I. Together. Please Luciano?" He asked softly

[pereyra]

"Together? Like, together together?" Luciano asked, suddenly very nervous. James did realise who he was talking to, right? Luciano, who had never dated anyone. Or kissed anyone. Or so much as held hands with a boy. Except James, that night in the hospital, but that was a different story. "That's going to be a whole new battle, James. I don't know how to be with anyone like that. You know that." Truthfully, Luciano was very tempted to just say yes and maybe never leave James side again, but there was still so much about him James didn't know. There was the fear that once James found out about these things, he would leave. Luciano was so much less than perfect, and James, in his eyes, deserved perfect.