1x1 Dragon/Color

[ColorCoffee]

♡Valentine♡

She wasn't sure what to say. She knew she needed to say something though. She couldn't keep going on like this. "It's crazy how life plays out huh? she let the empty question fill the empty space between them. It was obvious she was awkward and nervous about walking with him. "Cyrus, I'm sorry for asking you to do this with me. I just... I think I need some closure on things, or some answer, or... Gosh, I don't know. All I know is that something isn't right, I want that to change. I need that to change. I can't keep living my life like this, pretending things are ok, when they're not. When you weren't here it was easier to ignore it and pretend like nothing was wrong, but now that you're back, it's all staring me right back in the face and I don't know what to do. I was hoping after at least a week of you being here it would go away on it's own, but it hasn't and it's driving me insane. A part of me wants to be mad still, another part wants to be sad, but then there's another part that still cares about you, and I think a part of me always will. I just don't know what's going on." she said, staring at him with a lost expression in her eyes.

[DragonDream]

Gawain
Cyrus stood there, so many things running through his head at once. There were so many things that he wanted to say, and so many things that he knew he shouldn't say. Pushing his hair out of his face he looked up, unable to meet her gaze anymore. "I don't know what to tell you Valentine. I can't give you closure, if that's what you are looking for. You may be confused but I know exactly what it is that I want, and I don't get options. So what is it that you want here?" he asked in a level tone, becoming conscious of how fast his heart was beating.

[ColorCoffee]

♡Valentine♡

Her shoulders slumpt. She began to walk slower as her nose began to prickle as tears threatened to pour down her face. She held her composure. "I don't know Cyrus, I really don't know. Perhaps I'm just stupid for thinking I could get any closure from this. Or maybe I'm delusional. Who knows, all I know is I can't keep loving you and Gawain at the same time! It's driving me insane. I think you knew long before I did that me and you weren't going to last forever. We were bound to burn out eventually. I know that we wouldn't work out well and that we aren't compatible together, so why do I still get butterflies when I see you turn the corner, or perk up at the sound of your voice? Why do you plague my dreams, leaving me wishing to be in your arms again when I wake up?" At this point she couldn't hold it back anymore, tears started streaming down her face. "This was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have expect talking about this to give me closure." she looked up at the ceiling trying to help stop the tears.

[DragonDream]

Gawain
Stomach in knots he tried to decide if he should just turn around. He knew that anything he said was going to make things worse for the two of them, and would be a slap in the face to Gawain. "I am pretty sure that I am one of the worst people that you will ever meet. I hurt you Valentine, and I kept what I did a secret for a lot longer than I should have. I have spent all this time away from you, punishing myself and everyone around me like a petulant child. Nothing I did to myself compares to every time I see you looking over at me, or being close to Gawain, or finding me in situations like these where we are alone and all I want to do is be close to you. If this is what loving someone really feels like then I am neck deep in it and it hurts. It hurts because I am not the one with you. All of the selfish choices that I have made seem so stupid, and I can't take any of it back but I know that I would if I could. But we are here, stuck in this nightmare of none of us knowing what it is we really want."

[ColorCoffee]

♡Valentine♡

"So I guess that's it then? We're stuck in this purgatory of eternal torture every time we see each other? Forced to think about the what if's? Surely there has to be some way to move on from this. Surely this won't last forever, right?" she asked desperately.

[DragonDream]

Gawain
"I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "Gawain can give you everything that you want, but at the end of all of this, I am the same person today that I was months ago Valentine, and the same person that I am going to be ten years from now. I want to be with you, to give you everything that you want and more. I want to take you from him and run away with you. But nothing in me is any better, even though I want to be. Gawain is better because he has to be. He has put everything on the line to be with you, and what did I ever do for you?"

[ColorCoffee]

♡Valentine♡

She looked at him, "You gave me a chance. You looked at this village girl and saw something worthy to love. You gave me the world. With you, my eyes were opened to a whole new world I never knew existed, and it was exciting. Every moment with you was exciting because we never knew what was going to happen next. Life with you was carefree and nice. For a little while it seemed like all we needed was each other and the others. Cyrus you gave me more than you know."

[DragonDream]

Gawain
Cyrus shook his head in disbelief. "I want to give you everything," he said, grabbing her and kissing her before letting her go. "but you need to figure out what you want," he said before walking away, feeling his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest.

[ColorCoffee]

♡Valentine♡

When he leaned in and kissed her, her heart soared, conflicting with what she knew she should be feeling. She didn't pull away, instead she stood there, unable to move, letting it happen. When he walked away, his words echoed in her mind, 'you need to figure out what you want.' What did she want? Now she had no idea. She stood there and watched him walk away, until she couldn't see him anymore. She propped herself against the wall, covering her face with her hands and began to weep. Nothing felt right anymore.

After a few moments she pulled herself off the wall and began walking, with no real destination in mind. She really needed to clear her head now. She needed to force herself to be alone with her thoughts to try and answer that question. What did she want?
-----
Valentine had wandered for a couple of hours without realizing just how much time had passed. She finally made her way back up to the room. She quietly snuck in. She was relieved to see that Gawain was asleep. She couldn't face him right now. She quietly changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She snuggled up close to him and almost instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her. All of a sudden they felt so foreign, and she felt so dirty lying in them. Was this what she really wanted?

[DragonDream]

Gawain
Unable to sleep Cyrus had sat alone with his thoughts all night. With time to cool off he realized how stupid that he had been, and had been unable to calm down. Pacing around he felt like a caged animal, and as soon as the sky grew lighter he was out of his room. He needed to tell someone what he had done. He needed someone to tell him how stupid that he was. He needed something.