one x one - Bulldog

[Bulldog22]

Emily looked at him with nothing but love in her eyes. She smiled some and let the soft sound of her laughter ring through the air. It was moments like this she had missed most with him. “Well it’s settled then. You are staying with me and then you will have a place for your junk. Plus, there is no worries. Everything will be wonderful. I’m so glad to have you back in my life.” She said. She stared out the window and bit her lip thinking. When he spoke some more she turned to him with raised eyebrows. Emily let out a light and happy laugh. You read? I’m very impressed sir. Oh and you will have to paint me something. Now you’ve got me really excited about things.” Said Emily cheerfully. Her smile grew as she tried to come up with an answer to his next question.” Let’s go to the lake. You can see Midnight when you come back to my place later. Have you been staying healthy? What about jail? One last thing...do you have a beautiful girl yet?” Said Emily. Her eyes looked at him with completely curiosity and excitement. She wanted to know what she had missed in the pass three years of his life. Emily also wanted to make sure she wasn’t the reason he left because after all it was just a few days before she had told him how she had felt about him. Emily had never stopped blaming herself for his disappearance.

[GutterPunk]

Carson smiled a bit as pulled out of the parking lot. Getting settled back here would be easier with her around, he wouldn't be a total out cast. Hopefully things would be different this time. "I'm glad to be back, Em." He laughed at her comment about him reading, it was true he hadn't picked up a book in years before he left. "Yes, I read. I know a big shocker, innit?" He thought of what he could paint that she'd like, he was pretty horrible at doing people but he'd think of something. He looked away from her as she asked the last questions, he knew they were coming eventually but didn't want to worry her. The car sped up a bit as they headed towards the lake. "I mean.. I'm alive?" He chuckled nervously, "It was hard for the first two years away. I stayed out of jail but still did stupid things. I'm still trying to get better, I mean I am better than I was, but I still have a long way to go." Carson glanced over at her, almost feeling stupid for feeling like his problems were bad after she'd lost her mother and sister. "I'm off of the bad stuff now at least." He said in an effort to make things not so bad. He smirked a bit, "A pig like me? Have a beautiful girl?" he laughed, "Nah, not for a long while." Carson moved his eyes from the road over to her, he could see something was on her mind. There was something else bugging her. He looked back to the road. "What is it?" He asked, hoping she still knew well enough that she couldn't get away with lying to him.

[Bulldog22]

Emily slowly brought her eyes back to his. She nodded and forced a soft smile onto her face. She was very proud of him. He had already come so far and she always knew he could do great things. She took in a ragged breath when he asked her what was wrong. Emily knew better than anyone that she couldn’t lie to Carson. He was her best friend and could read her like a book. However, that did not make things easier. Emily glanced away as she tried to find the right word to answer his question. “ Do you know how much I missed you? I confessed everything for you and gave you my heart and then you left. That tore me apart. I spent forever thinking that you left because of me and that it was my fault. I mean I figured out that it wasn’t. But, I was so in love with you Carson.” Said Emily quietly. She looked at him sadly. She wanted everything to be okay. She never wanted him to leave her ever again. Despite everything that had happened, Emily knew with all her heart that she was still in love with Carson. The minute he walked through the coffee shop door her heart was his. Emily had tried to date. She almost ended up engaged but she just couldn’t do it. Her heart always belonged to him.

[GutterPunk]

Carson glanced over at her worriedly, usually she'd answer immediately and her hesitation to answer wasn't a good sign. He pulled off the pavement as she spoke and onto the dirt lot by the lake where the cars parked. He listened to her as he put the car in park and turned in his seat to face her. "I'm sorry.. I can see how that's how it looks but I promise you that it wasn't. It had nothing to do with you, I never wanted to leave you." Carson took in a breath, feeling guilty again. He hadn't meant to just abandon her, but the night he left he needed to leave right then. He thought back, thinking he could of grabbed her and took her with, but her mom would have hunted him down herself and killed him. He couldn't have waited until the next day to leave either, he had only had a window of an hour to pack what he had and get out. Carson forced the thoughts away, there was no changing it now, all he could do was try and fix things now. He offered a smile, "Well, I'm here now, and I'm not planning on leaving again." He knew his small promise probably had very little meaning now, but it was all he could do for now. He turned off the car, once again this thoughts going back to the past. When she had told him that she loved him, it did scare him. He hadn't wanted to lose his best friend over it, and everything was going on at that time he wasn't really focused on feelings. He didn't know if what he felt for her was platonic or not.

[Bulldog22]

Emily looked at him and just nodded as she listened to his words. There was something familiar to the promise of people not leaving. However, no matter how much people promised words like that always seemed to break it in some way. “I know you had to do what was best for you. I’m proud of you for that despite how much it tore me to pieces. Just, I guess if you can’t keep your promises then please don’t promise me that you’re going to stay this time.” She started quietly. She took in a deep breath. “ I am sure this is most likely not what you want to hear and that you’re scared but I’m going to tell you this now. Carson, I am still very much in love with you. The minute you walked in through the coffee shop door, I realized that. I want you to know that I’m here for you. I mean it.” Continued Emily cautiously. She bit her lip nervously. “If you had told me you were leaving I would have come with you. I know that. I would choose you over and over again. But, I understand why you chose not to tell me as well. It would have been hard for both of us. I guess what I am saying is that I don’t hate you for leaving. You had to do what was best for you.” Said Emily gently. When she said those last few words it was if a weight had been lifted of of her shoulders. A small smile fell onto her lips.

[GutterPunk]

Carson looked out the front window as she talked, the small lake out in front of them. He remembered playing here when they were younger, finding odd critters in the grass near by and watching the fish in the water. He spent a lot of time out of the house as a kid, but then again anyone would. He stayed silent for a moment after she had finished talking, trying to think of the right thing to say. It was just as hard now as it was back then. He took in a breath, mentally counting to three before speaking. "Things are different now, Emily.." Carson glanced the other way before turning back to her. He still didn't know how he felt, but he knew it was hard dealing with him even just as a friend. Being romantically involved would be even worse for her. "I mean, thank you, it really means a lot that you're still here. You were always the only one who thought I was more than just trash. I just don't want to hurt you." He knew that in saying this it might hurt her, but it'd be better than a long term sort of hurt. He moved his eyes away from hers. "What's best for me wasn't best for you. Or me for that matter. Leaving was probably the worst thing I could have done, but I was a scared kid." Carson hadn't talked to anyone about him leaving, or anything surrounding that matter. Not even the people he met while away. He figured it didn't matter why he did, or how he left about it just the fact that he did and that's that. He looked back at her, and smiled, attempting to lift the mood. "But hey, it happened, and it's done and over." he said quickly, unlocking the doors and opening his to get out. Avoidance at it's finest. The one thing he's best at.

[Bulldog22]

Emily’s smile grew. She knew he was avoiding things but maybe the rest was left better unsaid. She carefully climbed out of his car and close the door behind her. His words still ran through her mind. “ I know. Things are different. We are both different from what we were then. I see it in your eyes and in the way you walk. I just hope we can be friends at least for a longs time. I’ve said it before but I’m here for you. If you ever need anyone to talk to I will be by your side in seconds.” She said softly. She began to happily walk with him towards the docks. As they walked memories of them coming to the lake played through her mind like a reel of movies. She blushed and careful sat down. Emily slid off her shoes and put her feet into the water. When her toes touched the water, she shivered some. “ So how are you doing? I want to know about all the things I have missed in your life. You’re important to me and I want you to know that above everything.” Said Emily sweetly. She carefully snuggled into his side seeking the warmth that had been stripped from her body as soon as her toes touched the cool water.

[GutterPunk]

Carson smiled a bit to himself as she talked, he hoped that their friendship would last. It'd last all these years already. He walked down the docks, the lake looking almost like a mirror with how calm it was. Occasionally you'd see a few ripples from a fish in the distance. Carson sat down on the edge, taking his shoes off and setting them further up out of the way along with his phone and a crumpled receipt in his pocket. "I'm alright, like I said I was working in a book store, got cleaned up a bit and had a place to stay." He dipped his feet in, scrunching up his face as he felt how cold it was. Carson tensed up a bit as she leaned into him, but took in a longer breath and seemed to relax a little. "I mean, even then things weren't perfect but it was better." He bit his lip in thought."You've missed a bit, but most of it's not important, just stupid daily life stuff." Carson smirked mischievously, taking off his shirt before pushing himself off the dock into the cold water. His act of avoidance this time was a bit more costly, he shivered as the water surrounded him, soaking his pants. He stayed under for a moment, he never knew what exactly it was but he loved the water. After a few seconds, he surfaced, his now wet hair clinging to his face and hanging a bit in his eyes as he splashed a little water in Emily's direction. "It's not so cold once you're in it and over the initial shock." He laughed, wiping his hair out of his eyes.

[Bulldog22]

Emily laughed at the mischievous smirk of his. It was one of the many things she loved about him. She shook away the thought quickly. Despite how much she loved him she knew that they just needed to be friends at least for now. Plus, it was very clear that any contact she made with him, he seemed to shy away from. She felt droplets of water hit her and shot him a look. It was one of those looks that said oh you’re on. She slipped out of her clothes and jumped into the ice cold water even though she knew she would later regret it. She splashed water back st him lightly. “ Get. Over. The. Shock?” She said between shivers. Emily looked at him with her big green eyes and shook her head at the thought. “ Carson...it’s freezing in here. I can’t believe you talked me into climbing in the lake. You owe my big time mister.” She teased as she laughed lightly. She dove under the water and swam around. When he wasn’t expecting it, she pulled him under. Emily swam in the other direction as fast as she could. The small smile on her face grew into a big toothy grin. She looked around for Carson expectantly. It was moments like this that she had missed most with him. They seemed to have the best times together no matter what.

[GutterPunk]

Carson saw the look on Emily's face and feared the wrath that was to come, usually after she gave him that look he lost at something. As she jumped in and started shivering, he laughed. "Ah, and the enemy is slow to recover." He said in an announcer voice as he splashed at her again. It was cold, he wasn't going to lie but it made the outside air feel a bit warmer as long as the breeze stayed away. "Hey, you did that on your own." Carson let out a small yelp as he was pulled under unexpectedly. He saw her form swimming away from under the water, and he followed closely, staying under so she didn't see him easily. He popped up behind her, dragging his friend under the water in payback. He felt a bit of nostalgia being back here with her, some of his best memories were around here. He didn't think it was the town either, sure it was the place everything happened in, but he felt more at home when he talked with Emily than he did when he looked around at the place he grew up in.